by am3thy5t 25 Replies latest social relationships
You're more mature than most 19 year olds...I know I was brain-dead at that age. Going thru this and finding this site and asking all these good questions...then really carefully listening to older people who have 'been there'...I think that's amazing.
Good Luck, girl I think you'll go far...
Hi Am,
I feel sympathetic to your situation. About a year ago I was sort of in the same situation. The only thing is that I was on the other side. I liked a guy that was NOT a Jehovah's Witness and I was one. I had grown up in that faith, and was baptised and everything when i was fourteen. I also was also going through a depression and things were getting too difficult for me. I was not in love with the guy, and he ended up being a total loser, but I had a relationship with him for a while and we were sort of going out. My parents tried to put a stop to it by not even letting me stay at school for lunch and things like that so I could never see him. I just wanted to say that because you are feeling the way you are with depression, you might be taking things a little bit too seriously. I know i did when I was in it. Maybe you do love the guy. I dont think it is impossible to be in love at 19. I am 19 also and now have a bf that I love very much. But maybe you should be careful not to take things too seriously and do something you will regret later. You mentioned that you have been a bit antisocial because of depression until he came along. Now, perhaps you are in love, but it is also very possible that you are infatuated with him. Just be careful because being depressed can often make you feel like things are worse than they are or that the world will end if you cannot be with him. A guy, or anyone really is not worth you getting all messed up over, ok? There will always be someone else, believe me, I know. You just have to find out a way to get out of it. Have you tried medication? It helped me. I am much better now, I was all messed up before.
I decided to leave Jehovah's witnesses and am happy to have done so although it has caused me some sadness because i have not been able to speak to my parents and sister. I don't think you necessarily need to forget about the guy. Maybe he is thinking of leaving also, I don't know. Just the fact that he is going out with you means that he is not very strong in his religion. Just take it easy, okay, because it is very difficult for him also I am sure because he is not supposed to date someone who isn't a Jehovah's Witness, so he is probably under a lot of pressure from the elders in his congregation and his parents to stop seeing you. Also, i agree with others who have mentioned that it will be quite difficult to have a relationship with him unless he leaves the Jehovah's Witnesses because of all the rules that go along with being in the faith.Now I will not go as far as saying that they are a cult, but they do have a lot of different "rules". it is very difficult for a non-Witness to have a relationship with a witness, it causes a lot of problems, and arguments. It is true that he is not supposed to have sex with you. If he does there is the chance of him getting disfellowshipped (shunned) as I have been. So the best thing for him would be to forget you or leave the faith. Hope everything will work out well for you.
its been well over a month since my last post.
i think that quite a lot has happened in that small time frame.
ive now dropped out of college. the course of study was not something i wanted to base my time in.
i took anti-depressants. to be honest, the medication didnt help. i'd take it in the morning, then throughout the day i'd be fine. i'd feel burdenless. then as night approaches i'd begin to stare into space.
-kinda like taking small dosages of ecstacy.
well im off that now. it helped me realise that i dont need to be on medication to get well. that all i really needed was someone to talk to. and having talked it through, i felt better. not immediately, but gradually through time.
remember how i said i got strict parents n stuff? well, they're being very supportive. they're not shunning me for discontinuing my studies.
for crying out loud, my parents (and aunts and uncles etc) thought i was prostituting before! they sure caught me way off guard with that thought. i admit ive been a tad crazy lately. doing and saying things that i shouldnt be. but hey, i think im mentally back on track now.
things between my ex and i are sorta weird at the moment. u see after we broke up and agreed to be friends etc and no sex. well, we've been seeing each other every now and then and doing things we shouldnt be.
i allow him to do those things to me because i like him still. but im not sure if he still likes me back. whether or not its me his still interested in, or my body.
im not sure wat to do. its like we're having some sort of sexual relationship outside the confines of 'friendship', but inside the confines of 'bf/gf relationship.
advice?
hey guys!
so its been well over a year since i came to this site and sought help. well, i'd just like to say thanks again to everyone! you guys were right, with time.. my pain did heal. the jw guy i was seeing back then? well, we're just acquaintaces now.
and im now in a very happy and stable relationship, and my bf and i are almost approaching our 1 year anniversary. so happy :)
love,
amethyst
xoxoxoxoxox
good for you!
Am -
I wasn't here when you first posted your situation but sure am glad that things have played out nicely for you.
I hope that part of your current life includes some college. As one who was deprived by parents and religion when I was in my teens and twenties, I now know the importance of continuing secular education. And it's tough to keep it up when you're in your 40's.
Thanks for the update. Always nice to hear from someone who's getting on well. Sounds like you are...!
-Aude.
