by eyeslice 31 Replies latest jw friends
Same thing happened to us. I was 50 and Dave was 52. Eventually all our kids and their families joined us, then a few other relatives, and we met tons of people here and have friends all over the world now. Life will go on...................don't get too discouraged.
It's been 8 years for us, and life is good.
see eyeslice, you are in good company. Many others were starting out at the same time in life as you. Starting over, especially having been a JW for all your life is scary.. I am only 5 yrs in age behind you (I'm 45) and only out a few month earlier..
We'll all get there.. it just take a day at at time
One thing that's helping me also is trying to make friends outside of my growing xjw circle. While I cherish the new friends I've made through this board and the community of exjws through meetups and gatherings, I also find that if my social time is spent only with you guys, I seem to get stuck in that place between having quit the WTS and moving on with the rest of my life.
I'm making friends outside of that circle--people who have never been JWs, and I find that while we do talk some about religion, usually if the subject is on JWs we discuss it once, then it is finished. Our conversations are so far removed from my life as a witness that there are now entire days when my upbringing does not really impact my present life.
In some ways, I think we shelter ourselves here from reality. We were involved in a cult that imposed strange standards on us that few people understand, and though we have rejected that community, we need some time to get our legs under us before we put ourselves out there. In the real world people meet and form opinions about us based on such a different criteria than our so-called "christian congregation."
My husband has a network of friends he's made also. Most of them are not xjws, and none of them know he was ever one. He doesn't talk about it at all, and he likes it that way. He likes getting together occasionally with our "apostate" friends (haha) but in many respects he has moved on to that area where exiting this cult is really not that much of a factor in his life anymore.
Sorry for the rambling, still early for me.
O
One of the things that startled and surprised me 18 years ago when I left, was that "worldly" people are much more accepting, supportive, loving, and kind than I had let them be.
What had been in the way of that was my belief that I had to be on guard against them... I made friends like mad as I let that guard down.
eyeslice,
it is not as bad as you think or as it seems. 50 is not so old ( I am 47).
Join a Fitness Club to meet new friends ( or acquaintances)
You and your wife join a country club; yacht club or local civic group and get involved with your community ( no JW ever does that). You will be surprised how quickly you will assimilate.
regards, Frank
You have some good advice to read on this thread.
Just give it some time, my friend. The next 25 or 30 or more years will likely be the best and most fulfilling time of your life.
Reflect on your new found freedom. Feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders, as the cognitive disonance "jw confusion" is replaced by clearer relaxed thought processes.
Your ability to enjoy life and laugh with others, at the humor involved in living, will gradually display itself.
This will all come about as the fear factor, generated by the cult to keep you in line, drops off to zero.
Been there done that. I am really enjoying life as never before.
Outoftheorg
Eyeslice,
I know where you are coming from. I think the JW's make us social cripples, because it helps them in keeping us inside. Once we are out in the real world, we have to relearn those skills. I can't say that I have made significant progress in that regard, partially because i have a job which requires I travel all the time. I have a girlfriend, we live together, but i still don't seem to be very socialble, thought I am, I think, pretty friendly. It just goes no deeper.
Well if I find some magic fix, I will definately share it. Maybe this "Friendster" thing people talk about works..
Yes, I too have lost many of my adult years in the Org. I did maintain a few "worldly" friends over the years, so I never totally bought into the whole division thing, which was part of my downfall being a JW. Just remember--people are people. In the Org we were told that there was a big division between those in the Org and those outside of the Org. But remember, we are all just human beings and capable of love and emotion, anger and hatred, etc...JWs do not have anything special when it comes to being human. I know we were all taught that we had great love among ourselves, but some of the greatest, kindest,helpful and most loving people I have known in my life were not JWs. So just go out there and be human and you will find friends--lots of them. No, they aren't perfect, but nobody is, but we can still enjoy the company of many who are different than ourselves and they can enjoy our company too--diversity is interesting!. Once we stop filtering everything through the eyes of the Org. we have more time in our lives to enjoy the company of many and the freedom of thought and expression...
I was in the "starting again at 40 with no friends". Fortunately I have many good hearted co-workers who have filled that void. All of them have been non-judgemental and welcoming. Cheers, Taz
Boy don't I understand where your coming from. This aspect of the witness's caused me to have a lot of bitterness to be thrown out to the dogs sort to speak. I had no one, I was also fifty at the time of being shunned and one thing I learned is no man is an island. Social life is very important its what held me together or my tears would have sort of carried me a away. I now sing karaoke I also belong to BPOE (ELKS) there I find brotherhood and activities helping each other as well as my town, they don't shun me here god bless them. I also belong to the Eagles" and do similar naborhood deeds, as well as have great outings, and dances and they host a fun bar. The here people want to accept you as you are not as they want to mold you into something. Besides if I die these two organizations mentioned above will bury me and give me a tomb stone, ha ha that is more than the witness's ever offered . (live long and prosper)
