An Interview With Lady Lee

by Valis 53 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  Lady Lee

  Hi Swan

  Have you ever had any of your clients miss you a lot afterwards? Have you ever had any who did not want the therapy to end or couldn't find closure?

  Every now and then I get a letter or email from an old client. I can't say I ever had one that didn't want the therapy to end. By the time we finish our work they are happy and able to move on with their lives with the knowledge that if something comes up they can return to deal with it.

  I know I missed my therapist. It is hard to leave someone who you have shared so much with. Finding closure though is a part of the work that needs to be done, guided by the therapist before the last session.

  There is a good little book When to Say Goodbye to your Therapist by Johnson, C. that can be helpful in knowing when to end and when it has gone on too long. Hopefully by the time you are finished working together you know you have the tools to deal with problems on your own.
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  Valis

  Valis: What do you think some key elements in preventing abuse are in general?
  
  Lady Lee: Well first, education is important as in prevention programs. They teach children how to say NO to an adult, which is something all children need to know.
  
  But the parents need these programs too. I don?t think it is enough to teach the children. If parents don?t know how to deal with the problem or how to teach their children then we are making the children responsible for an abuser?s behavior.
  
  We also need to provide counseling to victims and abusers both. They are the ones who are at the highest risk of perpetuating the cycle of abuse. Hopefully if they got the counseling we could break the cycle in some families. But this is a long-term project. It will take years to undo the years of damage and lots of money to provide the services.
  
  Valis: In a previous remark you said, "Finding closure though is a part of the work that needs to be done, guided by the therapist before the last session." How is this decided or done?
  
  Lady Lee: In long term therapy closure sessions can last up to six weeks/sessions. The goal is to help prepare the person to move on without the therapist. But more importantly the work consists of a review of the work done and the progress made over the course of the work together.
  
  Most people don?t easily see the small changes. Since they happen over time it is easy to minimize their importance. So helping a person to recognize that they have indeed made a lot of changes is part of the closure ? helping them see they have accomplished the goals they started with. And sometimes it would include new goals that were set up along the way.
  
  Reminding them of the changes and progress made also helps them feel confident that they now have the tools to deal with the issues they needed help with.
  
  Valis: To follow that thought, in your opinion can too much therapy be a bad thing? How would you or a therapist know?
  
  Lady Lee: People can quickly become dependant on a therapist. For some it is the first nurturing relationship in their lives and they can be unwilling to let go of that. This dependency can often be seen when a client asks the therapist about how to deal with every problem instead of using the tools they have been taught to begin to deal with life?s problems. They may be afraid of ending the therapy and start bringing in new issues. Sometimes those are valid but if the therapist has done their job then the person should be able to do it alone.
  
  Sometimes an unhealthy therapist will encourage a dependency. This doesn?t help the client. My first therapist was like this and encouraged people to rely on her for all their answers. She was quite upset when I wouldn?t play that game. When I went to college for my first counseling program course I was told that my job as a good counselor was to talk myself out of a job by helping people. It actually works well.
  
  Valis:: Lady Lee, you say in your last remark that you would like to have a centre of your own. From your past experience, have you found such centers do enough to prevent abuse?
  
  Lady Lee: From what I have seen services tend to be very fragmented with each service dealing with one piece of the problem. This is in part because of the way the government funds the programs. But I think it is also because every organization wants to focus on one part of the problem. And for the most part that works well.
  
  But I have seen too many organizations fighting for the same funding dollars instead of working together to provide effective services for all parts of the problem. Too often the problem is seen as separate issues but perhaps if they were seen as a bigger issue with many parts there would be more willingness, to cooperate.
  
  Valis: AND, how would you do things differently to prevent and heal the abused?
  
  Lady Lee: Ideally, have a center that would address all the various parts of the problem under one umbrella would help. Providing workshops to professionals to encourage them to see the larger picture and the need for cooperative efforts would be enormously helpful to uniting the various workers.
  
  I think addressing the needs of the entire family is also important. If we focus on one person in the family as the ?identified patient? and ignore the other parts of the family then we aren?t really helping the dysfunctional family or the person in the office. Counseling them and then sending them back to deal with a lot of unhealthy behaviors at home won?t be effective in the long run.
  
  For example a woman comes in for counseling for abuse during her childhood. At home she has a husband who doesn?t understand his wife?s problems and minimizes her feelings. She gets the counseling about her old problems but doesn?t feel supported at home with her husband. Now if we can provide him with some information and support as she goes through the process they we help them become a team in this work. And believe me the spouses can be just as unhealthy as the person that seeks out the help ? in fact sometimes more so. I?ve seen many couples break up because one gets help but the other doesn?t. And that applies to males and females in either role.
  
  I think too that another aspect that has to be examined is the history of the therapist. There are a huge number of professionals who have abusive backgrounds. Many go into counseling in a way to deal with the issues without dealing with their issues. And if they haven?t done their own personal work then I personally don?t think they should be doing this work. It is really hard for a professional to get help. After all they are supposed to be giving it. So I think we need programs and therapists designed to help the professionals deal with some of the issues that will arise for them.

  Thanks to Lady Lee for her answering more questions!...All of you are more than welcome to send me questions by PM or ask them here. If they are tough questions you don't feel comfortable asking yourself then we can do so anonymously. Enjoy!
• 

  Valis

  Shameless BOINK!

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
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  Lady Lee

  I didn't realize you had posted this Valis
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  Lady Lee

  another bttt
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  Lady Lee

  A few people have asked why Valis and I are doing this

  On my part it is to hopefully encourage people to try therapy if they think they need it. There is often a lot of fear about opening oneself up to a stranger. But it definitely has its benefits and because the person is not just a friend (which definitely has its merits) the therapist can often help in a more focused and directed way.
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  talesin

  After reading this thread, I was thinking about the fear of therapy that many have. This is usually due to misconceptions presented to them by tv and movies, or in the JW case, religious superstition.

  I have had people make comments to me such as, "well, I wouldn't feel comfortable laying down on a couch with a stranger" or "don't they use hypnosis - and you don't remember what you said - that's mind control!" or "what if they implant false memories in my head?" These types of misconceptions are quite common, especially, imho if one was raised in the JW community.

  This has been an obstacle for many, I think, in initiating a client-therapist relationship. Fear of therapy as a completely unknown process can be a powerful deterrent to a person seeking help. Many people insist that they will only read books as they don't want to be subject to 'mind-control'.

  Perhaps you could address this issue, if not now, at another time? There many be many reading these topics who, due to misinformation, may be terrified of going to a therapist.

  Thanks, and GOOD JOB, FOLKS!!!

  tal
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  Valis

  thanks tal! And I hope your recovery is going well!

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
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  talesin

  Anything I can do, man, to help out.

  And thanks for asking, I'm healing well. :)

  tal
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  Valis

  tal...you and the others are more than welcome to ask questions to be included in the interview questions.

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer