How do you help them understand?

by Sassy 26 Replies latest social relationships

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  little witch

  ((((Sassy))))

  I am so concerned for you. Leaving the borg after so many years and hiding your emotions makes for much turmoil.

  You have come so far so fast no wonder your head is spinning!

  You see, you were so devoted and your whole life revolved around what they said it did. Family, friends, aquaintances even. (are those people sheeps or goats)?

  Slow down...Breathe....

  What are your priorities? No, not what others want from you, but what do YOU NEED?

  You say you love this man. Wonderful! You have Sally (a great friend nearby), wonderful! You have an outlet here to vent and discuss and recieve support. Wonderful! Not to mention that cute behind (tee hee hee).

  Look at how long you were "in". That was alot of indoctrination. Exit is just as complex.

  You cannot rebuild your life immeadiatly after this years long buildup. Nobody can. You are normal, you are not strange beyond belief.

  Keep in perspective that as big a part that the borg has played in our lives, that to a non-dub (sorry for the labels) it is not so easily understood.

  They cannot imagine family held hostage and the pain of being an "outsider".

  As someone who was never really "In" I can relate to the distance. You have a man who loves you evidently. Accept his comfort. But understand that his distance from the borg is probobly a big factor in your admiration of him.

  Let him love you dear. And don't sweat the small stuff. Try to distance yourself first from the borg and not family, friends, etc.

  One day at a time. Take it slow and take care of YOU. Do what has never happened in your life. Take care of YOU first.

  I wish you comfort and peace Sassy.

  lw
• 

  simplesally

  Sassy, I can see that he might have.........but really, it was tough for us to keep trying to "explain" our beliefs. As you know, I said what I said and.............. its probably better he not be around a small gathering like that, but rather let us be girls or let us be xjw.....and watch tv in the bedroom or go out.
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  toreador

  We are going thru something very similar in our family. At times it can be so frustrating you want to pull your hair out. It is extremely tough for someone who has never been in a high control group to understand your feelings completely. Try to be patient with your BF and try to help him understand in nonconfrontational way what it has been like to have been in a high control group for so long; hopefully he will understand and be there for you.

  Tor
• 

  imallgrowedup

  (((((Sassy)))))

  I'm sorry you are going through this right now. Honestly, I don't know if he'll ever truly understand because he hasn't walked in your shoes. That doesn't mean that your feelings for one another can't overcome it, but he may just need to learn that this is something he needs to accept in you - and love you anyway. It is not always going to be this way, Sassy. It won't always be such a dominant force in your life, and it will get easier. It might help to keep your eyes focused on the end of the tunnel, and help him to do the same. You are going to make it through this - both of you! Believe that!

  growedup
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  Sassy

  Thanks Little Witch, what you said really made me feel good and gave me some things to think about..

  SimpleSally, it's a catch 22, if we tell him things to help him understand more, then he is educated, and yet if we don't he wonders still why we are affected.. I think it is more a Man needs to fix and Protect instinct that is bothering him.. he can't fix this.. only time can

  toreador, I was losing my hair for a while do to the stress! Thankfully that stopped... but I am still careful not to "literally" pull my hair.. Hope things go ok for you.. sounds like you are under stress too.

  Growed up.. yeah I know.. he'll never walk in my shoes, thus never quite understand..

  I guess I was hoping to hear from some spouses, significant others who never have been JWs on this site as well.. they seem to have a handle on it better.. or it is just because they read here and learn??
• 

  toreador

  Sometimes it is still stressful but is improving overall.

  Thanks for asking,

  Toreador
• 

  willyloman

  There is a recovery process. You might need counseling. It's important to talk out your feelings with someone who will listen and not judge. I agree w the poster who suggested you take your bf to counseling w you. Take it a day at a time. You have a great support group here.