Am I being walked all over?

roybatty

Since being Da'd a few years back I haven't had any real contact with my JW family. I've accepted this and moved on, just like most of us have.

Just recently I've been contacted by them whenever they need something. For example, my father died about a year ago so now I occasionally go to my mom's house when she needs something repaired. Another example, my brother was fired from his engineering job a couple of weeks ago and since I own my company he asked (via our mom) if he could work here while he looks for another job. I said "ok" and now he's working here (very awkward).

Am I being a wuss or am I being compassionate? All of my new friends just shake their heads and can't believe that I'm "giving in" but I still feel that family is family no matter how badly they threat you. Am I going to regret this later when they no longer need me and stop calling? Or could this be a way to get them away from the Wt?

Elsewhere

I laid down a very simple rule: If you shun me, don't expect anything from me.

Valis

Hey roy! How many time must I remind you we do not tollerate replicants on this forum? *LOL*

Hey man...hope all is well. I think you're doing the right thing...if he can stay away from being preachy then maybe he can also SEE there is life going on outside his precious borg...that life could possible include you.

Cheers and keep us informed.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Joyzabel

I think you are doing the right thing.

Will your family recognize it? Probably not. Yes, they maybe and more than likely are using you. But you, being the better man here, can hold your head up high and know that you are showing unconditional love. They are not.

Sorry to be so pessimistic about cracking their JW shell, but hooray if you do.

Joy

franklin J

hi roy

ditto the above posts.

I think it is very BIG of you to set the example to them on how a true ex JW conducts himself.

BRAVO!

I also lost my father last year ( know how you feel) ; and don't you think your Dad is smiling somewhere knowing how you have cared for them in his abscence?

I firmly believe you did the Right thing. Certainly the "Classy" way to deal with family.

seeitallclearlynow

Roy! I think it's great what's happening! You're doing exactly the right thing. So many important facets to the whole scenario. I'll try to elaborate.

You love these people. You know shunning is wrong, unkind. You don't want to be shunned. So of course you're not going to turn around and be the one doing the shunning.

Here you have people who believe they are part of God's people in God's Organization. Yet whom are they forced to turn to for help?? The very one they are taught is bad, the one supposedly without God's approval. Beautiful!

By helping them, you prove loud and clear that the labels they brand former members with are false, at least in your case.

You gain access to people who would otherwise be off limits to you. You get this without having to play by any of their rules. You have the upper hand - you are the one giving, not asking for, help.

You're in no way a wuss. It takes strength to be good. Your actions can only help others to see the light. And even if they don't, you're doing the decent thing. Let them be who they are; you will do what you know is right.

Sassy

I like how joyzabell put it.. you are giving unconditional love..

We all used to hear the saying 'win them over without a word' when in fact there are those who were able over time to help loved ones eyes be opened about the real 'truth' of the WTS. By not shunning them, you rise yourself above the behavior recommended by the WTS.

FreePeace

Hi Roy, last week I was thinking along similar lines...

From a Dub perspective, it is perfectly okay for a DA'd / DF'd person to help out aged parents with "repairs" and such, but not okay to associate otherwise.

In other words, they take advantage of us by only associating with us when they need something, but then deprive us of the more positive aspects of the family relationship such as socializing, get-togethers, emotional support, and the like.

This is an injustice as far as I'm concerned. But then we as ex-Dubs have to do what we have to do, and I think much good can be said of you for following your heart, provided you don't allow them to cross your boundaries (which is not always easy).

Hang in there.

Doug

Nosferatu

It's a very tough call with something like this. I used to have friends that would only come around whenever they needed money or a ride somewhere. I eventually kicked them out of my life. They would never invite me over to hang out, watch movies, or anything. They just wanted me for my money and car.

With JWs, they're under the influence of the WTS. They're only shunning you because they've been told to. It's not their natural desire to do so. However, if I were you, I'd ask them for a favor once in a while and see how they react. If they can't do you any favors because Jehovah said so, then Jehovah's law is conditional to only their needs.

It's a really tough call. If the favors only flow one way (from you), then they're taking advantage of you.

Hyghlandyr

Dude do what you wanna do. If you want to help help if not then dont. I have laid very strict lines with my sister. She is an ex also and we have an on again off agian relationship. More than a few times she has called and asked me for money when I didnt have it and she would slam the phone down on me. The last time she did it I informed her that if she ever did it again I would never speak to her ever again under any circumstances. She has ceased hanging up on me. Then she will tell me she doesnt need me when I am the one doing her a favor. So I say ok and dont call her. Then I get a call when she does need something. But Ive cut back my contact with her a great deal. And when I am in contact with her I lay out the rules very simply.

1...Speak like a normal person would speak to a stranger. If you dropped a dollar and the wind blew it and a stranger picked it up not seeing it was yours, you would politely say, pardon me sir that is my dollar i just dropped it. You would not cuss and swear at them and scream like a lunatic.

2...Do not tell me what I feel.

there are others but they are more personal. So do what you have to do. If you dont mind them shunning you in other cases but dont mind helping them then do it. If you wannt to put rules on it, like them acknowledging that you are helping them because of your newfound "pagan" religion and your worship of satan...so be it.

Hmm that is just what I would do..but then I am contrary. :D

Am I being walked all over?

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