Non Jw Dating a JW

propel

I'm a non Jw currently seeing a Jw. I am not totaly clear about the rules about Jw's in dating. Could someone explain this to me and does it vary from family to family at all?

"The rules" are (yes, there are written rules for JWs) that a JW is not allowed to date a non-JW. Matter of fact, they are only allowed to date other JWs if they are seriously 'looking for a marriage mate.'

Some JWs (and some JW families) are more lax about this than others, but the elders take intense, personal interest in each member of their congregation (at least if they're breaking the rules) and if it gets out that a JW is dating a non-JW they can get in a lot of trouble.

I hate to be negative, but many JWs who date 'worldly people' (non-JW) are doing so to have a secret life, so I wouldn't count on acutally being a real part of their life. The only alternative would be if the JW wasn't really serious about being a JW, and was looking to 'get out.'

Lehaa

There are strict "recomendations" about dating non JW. I am a JW who dated a non JW as a teenager. My family in the end forced me to stop seeing him, it was him or them and at 17 I was not ready to say good bye to my family. I married the next man my family "approved" of and have been unhappily married for 10 years. I have recently caught up with this boyfriend love him now more than ever and should have stayed with him. I'm telling you this to warn you. Sort out exactly what the person you are dating wants, do they want a commited relationship or are they just rebelling. If you do want to stay together be ready for a huge battle, they will have to basically choose between you or their family. Their family may be farily understanding but they will never aprove of you. Just be really careful and be totally honest with each other. Be prepared for a lot of frustration as you try to deal with something you will never really understand. Good Luck.

XQsThaiPoes

For give me but I don't know your gender I will assume you are female, because most guys I know don?t care what the chick believes.

Okay to spell it out there is nothing they can do, but guilt trip. The watchtower has admitted that they can't tell you whom to marry. The watchtower has no scripture that can prevent your marriage.

For a non-jw woman

JWs (his friends) are going to almost accuse him of being a polygamist. Their reasoning is if you two get married the end of the world comes, only he survives, and he marries a perfect wife in God?s kingdom. You will be labels a seductress, with questionable character.

For a non-jw man

They will accuse you of being a predator preying on abundance of JW women who can't find a mate (2/3rds are women I believe) because they are naive. Sadly this is true and happens often when immigrant men that find American women are too liberal, and want too many things. They go out and sweep naive JW girl off their feet, most of these guys tend to be older upper middle class, and looking for a house wife and baby maker.

Don't listen to Lehaa (no offenses just you made it sound too sunny) if you marry a JW you won't like it, will be forced to become a JW, pull your partner any from JWs, or be the magic couple that does not mind being unofficial second class citizens. Also JWs are flighty with short memories anytime you act civil and tolerant they will bestow praise on you for "coming around", and try to instantly convert you, but when you loose your cool with them you?re obviously in cohorts with Satan.

Don't waste your time. The watchtower is right in its logic. Which is JWs are too weird to marry non-jws in plain English. I know too many JW non-JW marriages that ended in divorce. In general your relationship won't work just ask them to leave JWs or leave you alone. He/she should know better, and may be looking for a way to break away rather than really loving you, or they want to convert you thinking that if you love them you go through the motions to become a JW (regardless if you believe it), or they may be an quasi-JW with baggage I know many inactive JWs, or children of JWs that consider them selves JWs anyway even if they never commit themselves, but only try to date JWs and won't take blood. BTW be prepared if they swear off being a JW then after a trauma in their life, or come mid life crisis decide to rekindle their "faith in Jehovah". You will be pissed!

The watchtower only advocates marring a non-JW for sex. I know it sounds weird. But JWs are not allowed to be homosexuals, or fornicators. If you happen to be in a place where there are no eligible JWs to marry they can morally can justify getting married to an ?unbeliever?(the label they will give you) to avoid fornication if they know they lack the self control to undergo celibacy until they find a eligible person. Remember to drive the point home if you don?t know anything about JWs, and don?t care to look it up insert an ?e? they are JeWs that believe in Jesus. So all those weird things the Jews did and Christ did away with we will swear the ?principle? still applies. Meaning that to be ?safe? you should do them anyway for salvation. I believe paraphrasing Ned Flanders on the simpsons sums it up " Lord, I even do the stuff that conflicts the other stuff". The Watchtower is the organization that dictates what ?principles? still should apply to Christians, and they will change them about every 5 to 10 years.

Realist

oh my god get out of that relationship immediately before you get too attached to that person!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wasted almost 2 years trying to make such a relationship work!!!!

GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DanTheMan

JWs are too weird to marry non-jws in plain English

Succinctly put.

The insular world that JW's inhabit is a strange one indeed. Please, save yourself a lot of suffering and look elsewhere. He or she may be a very nice person, but they will always be regarded as "spiritually weak" and a little bit too snuggly with Satan's world (the world outside of JW's) for having married a "worldly person" (you).

Understand that the whole JW outlook is that life in this world is terrible, full of suffering, nothing good, and that all people outside of JW's are being misled by Satan, and will soon be killed by Jehovah at Armageddon. After Armageddon comes and everybody except JW's are killed, there will be a perfect paradise where people will live forever. And for you, the non-believing mate, there will be a constant, sometimes subtle, sometimes strong pressure, to accept these "truths" and become a JW. Your JW mate's friends and family will always regard you as an outsider until you do so.

pudd

I hate to be negative, but many JWs who date 'worldly people' (non-JW) are doing so to have a secret life, so I wouldn't count on acutally being a real part of their life. The only alternative would be if the JW wasn't really serious about being a JW, and was looking to 'get out.'

I am sorry but I don?t really agree with this statement.

10 years ago when I was in my early twenties, I was very serious about being a witness. In fact I was a pioneer, and for all the right reasons! I also had no witness family to influence me.

I met up with an old friend from before becoming a witness. I did not intent to fall in love with him, it just happened. I was not looking to live a double life or leave the truth.

He was there for me at a very difficult time in my life and we drew close as a result.

I know witnesses are not suppose to make friends in ?the world? especially if they are of the opposite sex but some times things happen that we don?t plan. I was honest about him to the elders and ultimately I had to choose. I chose my faith and walked away.

I am now married to a different man, but I will never forgive myself for the way I treated a man who was kind, selfless and totally genuine.

While I am happy that I met my husband and the children that I have from my marriage are my life, If I could turn the clock back I would do things so very differently.

I am happy to say that the man I left is now happy with a new partner and has a baby son.

The point is though that even genuine witnesses can find themselves in a relationship with a non-believer

((( Propel))), I wish you luck and hope you don?t get hurt. You are in a very dangerous situation

The ?rules? are that he/she should not be with you at all! but definitely NO sex, not even touching! And you really should take a chaperone on each date to avoid temptation!!!

All the best

Pudd xxx

Good luck.

Non Jw Dating a JW

propel

asleif_dufansdottir

Lehaa

XQsThaiPoes

Realist

DanTheMan

pudd

Cicatrix

propel

English Patient

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