by propel 40 Replies latest social relationships
Welcome to the board, propel.
Unfortunately, mixed JW/nonJW relationships don't generally work out. Have a look at this:
http://members.aol.com/beyondjw/inlove.htm
Jgnat started an excellent thread with information for newbies, but I have misplaced it. I'll try to post it later for you.
I have some other information you may find helpful. Please check your in box (top left hand side of the page under your name).
I would like to know what was "sunny" about what i said. I was just merely stating what it is like for a JW. I was stating that if they did try and stay together it would be really hard. I don't believe in telling people what to do, just telling them the facts. Unless you have been a JW you don't know all of them, the facts that is. I know it's very frustrating if you're not a JW and try to understand, my boyfriend and I had many fights about it.
I did what was expected of me and am miserable. I should have left with the boyfriend. If i could go back and change it I would in a flash.
Sorry men do care about what JW believe, my boyfriend spent many hours reading and talking to my JW friends trying to understand, he's still trying.
Sorry if this offends, is not what i mean to do. I don't believe in beating around the bush, It's just me. And I'm not defending the JW church, just letting everyone know what It's like for us. Am currently leaving the JW church. It's taken me 13 years but I'm slowly gettin there.
Here it is:
Jgnat's thread for newbies (for Lehaa and propel).
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/58215/863175/post.ashx#863175
Lehaa, congratulations on a big step into the real world, and welcome to the board.
when you say "unbeliving spouses" do you mean unbelieving the JW beliefs or do you mean unbelieving in godUsually means both. You can believe in God all you like, but if you don't believe in their God, forget it.
Just to be extra clear. If you do not believe in the JWs god (Jehovah) the JW way (no trinity, Jesus was an angel not God, etc), as far as the JWs are concerned, you don't believe in God, you believe in a false god. You get no points for just "believing in God"...if you "believe in God but not the Watchtower Society" you are going to be destroyed by God with the exact same ferocity as a murdering, raping Satanist, because you are just as bad as him.
All other "Christian" churches (they call them "Christendom") are following Satan, not God, according to the JWs.
To the JWs, there are no people who are "basically good people" who just believe differently. Everybody else is under the control of Satan. And that is why most relationships between JWs and non-JWs are doomed from the beginning.
In responce to what lehaa said: yes guys do care, i am a guy and i care very much about this and want to learn everything there is to know
propel,
you poor poor man...just when it gets too painful remember you are not alone ...others have and do suffer in the same way :-)
For what it's worth...
When I started dating my now-husband, he was an active Witness. He stopped going to meetings soon after we got together, not because of me, but because he finally felt like he didn't HAVE to, like there was someone to support him outside of the congregation. His last girlfriend was a Witness, but they were a match made in Hades and it was disastrous. So, he wasn't strong in the "truth" to start with, and our relationship was very, very normal. (Planning the wedding - now, that was another story.)
So, I guess I'm saying, I don't know what it would have been like if had been strong in the faith. But when we got together, he looked (to others) like he WAS. I, of course, was blamed for his fading, but we both know (and I know from his writings before our relationship) that he was mentally and emotionally out of the religion long before we fell in love.
If the person you are dating IS strongly in the faith, then you will have a harder time. But if there are doubts or if the person wants to live outside of the religion, then I think there is a greater chance for success.
Best of luck to you .
Hey Propel
I had to post since I faced something kinda similar, yet not on the same level of jw/non-jw dating, but I hope it can enlighten you. My advice, first of all, is that you find out how deeply "religious" your other half is. Is she an active, ongoing JW or just going along to the motions like most young people ? (I'm assuming she and you are still young, though I may be wrong).
Well, I came to the "truth" on my own and for some reason, I often acted on my own, doing the things that I liked. On the 8 yrs. of being a Witness, I dated one girl from my HS and well, it was just a "puppy love" situation, but the elders never knew about it... I just wanted to know what dating was like.
Yet the real challenge came when I dated a JW who was 16 at the time. Of course, we gotta take into consideration the age factor, but that person is 19 now, and when I started missing meetings and was not "spiritually" strong as before, she started getting farther and farther away from me, as if our relationship depended on my religious standing. The last straw came when I joined the Marine Corps... this person doesn't speak to me anymore. Yet in a sense that's a hypocritical stance, since her best friend is known for hanging out w/ DF'ers (former JW's who were disfellowshiped) and DA'ers (former JW's who were dissasociated) and that friend herself is not exactly in the truth...just happens to have parents who are.
In any case, if I say all of this, it's with the purpose of encouraging you to be careful in what you do... find out asap what your future is with this person so that you'll avoid any bad breakups and sour feelings in the future. Seriously, man, ask her all sorts of questions...pick her brain and the two of you need to be honest with each other. One way or another, the issue of JW's not being allowed to date "wordly people" will become a headache for you both, and that needs to be addressed. Eventually, one of you will have to choose... either she chooses to obey the "elders" and not date you anymore, or leave the organization to go her own way. Once again, I don't know your circumstances, but that's my heartfelt advice. I think that if there's true love in the mix, things CAN work out, but there has to be honesty and selflessness.
Good luck and keep us posted.
I read about propel.. And I must admit to myself, I'm right there too, maybe further. I'm in my twenties, a non-Jw university student. And I met this girl, also in her twnties, a Jw, last year. From the very beginning we have had a close bond between us. I guess I can say we connect very well. First time ever feeling to be able to discuss about everything, about things that have hurt me and vice versa, she had a chance to really open up herself, talk to me about things in her past. Everyone has their darkest secrets, but not like these. It's not only friendship though. We're also very attracted to each other. And ever since I first talked with her, I've known she is the kind of a person I want a life with. Really.
She's the most important person to me in my life. And yes, I love her.
The thing is she gets a lot of pressure from her family and her people because of me. I do feel bad for her and sometimes I wonder if it would be better for her if I walked away. But I know she is deeply in love with me too. I could never do it to her, not even for her sake. Sometimes I wish she'd get rid of me so she could have her peace. But in my heart I know that's not what I want. I hate the fact that some society is standing on our way, condemning her, threatening her to be thrown outside, telling her lies. I know I can bear up with this situation for the rest of my life if needed.
I've made up my mind. I won't give up until she want's me to. Wise choice? Definitely not. But it's against my nature, my principles, against a free man's world to give up on someone just because someone else doesn't want two people to have something beautiful.
zilent,
i feel with you man!
went through exactly the same thing (also Uni. student.... )...also couldn't bring myself to end it.
in my case she chose the religion over me in the end (who can blame her ).
hope it works out for you!
best,
realist
