Non Jw Dating a JW (page 4)

jgnat

Paradox, you are a paradox:

She seems to be using her pregnancy to manipulate me.

I want nothing more than to marry her and be there for my child.

Why would you want to marry a manipulator, a "user", who was not honest about her history, and now wants nothing to do with you? Get a paternity test, get it in writing that you are a father, insist on providing for your child, insist on visitation, and refuse to let her cut you or your child out of her life.

But if I were you, I would let go of the "happily ever after" dream, yourself. That is your little fantasy you are going to have to get over.

eljefe

Here is another vote to RUN!

You may be a means to an end for her. She wants to leave JW's but can't do it on her own. Once she decides that she won't/can't leave she will ditch you. You will be left high and dry, wondering why she won't talk to you anymore.

By the way, this is a true story. It didn't happen to me, but happened to a friend of mine. They were even engaged! It was such a bad experience for him that he won't talk about it to this day.

Run!

paradox213

He had a child with her too?

Seeking Knowledge

Oh Paradox...I can sympathize with your situation, only I'm a non-JW female and along with my now ex we have a son. He is taking him to meetings, and teaching him my beliefs are wrong. You have to get a lawyer, I cannot stress this enough, you have rights to this child and the sooner the better. As far as working it out & being together, that's a tough road. It's doubtful you'll see that. When they are caught in a situation that they can no longer ignore and is really detrimental to their own beliefs, they tend to run back with tail tucked firmly between legs. The guilt is too much, especially if their family is JW. They will rally around the wayward JW and "encourage" they do the right thing, and that won't include you. I've had my heart stomped on and it still hurts to this day, but my son has his father and a chance at seeing outside the JW life. I've seen my ex as this wonderful person, but as soon as the reality of his actions hit him, he went right back, and now I'm the bad guy in his eyes. I showed him the wrong way in life, but he's repented & back in the cult. It's not worth the heartache anymore to waste time on him, I have to do what's right by my son. Get a lawyer!

SK

paradox213

SK, You and I have a lot in common! Except I'm a guy. She was the sweetest girl, her JW beliefs never were an issue until she got pregnant. There are some days where my situation looks good...but it's mostly always bad. She never tries to work things out, always telling me to wait. I am so depressed about the whole thing. I cannot believe someone would be this cruel to another..blindly cruel. It's a lot like she stuck a knife in my back/hit a vital organ and is slowly pulling the knife out,instead of getting me medical attention...I know, weird analogy. I am constantly worried about my whole situation..This has always been one of worst fears. Loving someone who loves you too, then gets pregnant and bails on you... The peices no longer fit...

Seeking Knowledge

She was the sweetest girl, her JW beliefs never were an issue until she got pregnant. There are some days where my situation looks good...but it's mostly always bad

I hear you...same with me...I do believe deep down that my ex has a heart. I also realized after the fact that I was never number one in his life, and since he did "such a bad thing" he has to do "all the right things" now including treating me as if I had 3 heads. He is doing everything according to what they require of him, he has yet to follow his heart. He thinks that he's going to raise our son as a JW and doesn't care how that affects him. This would be over my cold dead body by the way. Sounds like your girl is in the same boat.

This has always been one of worst fears. Loving someone who loves you too, then gets pregnant and bails on you... The peices no longer fit...

Unfortunately, that's not exclusive of JW's, but you do have rights to this child, no matter what she or anyone else says. If you want to be in this child's life, then you need to get some rules established right away. Maybe with time, she'll come around, but for now, take it from me, don't wait a minute longer & get some help. Good Luck

SK

LostInTranslation

I know there have been no posts on this thread for sometime but I am hoping that I will get a response. I am a non JW, trying desperately to understand and find some insight into my

current heart wrenching situation.

I have been dating a man for the last while, and we grew very close, very quickly.

Suddenly he has pulled away from me, gotten very skittish and says he feels like he is leading a double life, and isn't ready for a relationship.. all the while stating that his impending divorce is the reason for his cold feet, which could be understandable except the marriage was very much "over" long ago. (although I am sure it does add to the confusion)

I have come to find out that he has omitted one very large facet of his life to me, He is a Baptized JW now and has been for more than a decade. (his family are not JW but most of his social network apparently are including his soon to be ex wife. )

He has never admitted this to me and never once brought up any kind of religious affiliation AT ALL during the time we have spent together/discussions we have had. (I happened to find this out from a mutual family friend).

I don't know how to proceed, I don't know how to feel, I am actually rather heart broken because the bond we have is very real and very promising.

I feel lost and saddened and I don't even really know how to begin to get over this man. (it's more convoluted than this brief version I have posted but I am actually dubious about saying too much for fear that he or people he knows may even lurk here...)

Any insight would be appreciated

~~Lost~~

cofty

Hi LIT.

Your question will probably get more attention if you start a new thread.

In brief I would say that the question of whether or not he intends to leave the Watchtower permanently is a vital one.

If he intends to go back to meetings you would be ill-advised to pursue the relationship any further.

He willl be disfellowshipped for his relationship with you and won't get reinstated until he breaks it off with you.

Is his marriage definitely over?

He needs to be 100% honest with himself and then with you about his intentions.

LostInTranslation

Thanks Cofty,

As far as I am aware he still attends and is an active JW.

His marriage is 100% over, they are now just quibbling over the finances and then it will be complete.

As of this moment we are not in communication, It's been less than a week since we have spoken. I miss him very much but have no intention at this time of contacting him.

I DO feel in my heart that this will not be the last I hear from him, as this has a bit more to it ( as I said previously), In short, we have a past together (well before he was ever involved with the JW and well before his current marrige). And this convolutes things a little more.

I do not want to add confusion to his life, but at the same time I am afraid of walking away from something that I feel in my heart may have been "meant to be".

the omission of his beliefs and JW involvement are what I don't understand though... if he is so firm in his beliefs and has a strong foot in the organization, first of all why would he have become reinvolved with me and secondly why not just tell me? It would have been nice if I had have known what I was up against at the very least...

marriedtoajw

I've been married to a jw for 22 years. She dated me cuz I think she was rebelling. We got married, we were somewhat happy in the early years but only because I was decieved, or allowed myself to be decieved and the JW issues never never never goes away. Even if he's not serious about it now, if he has family in, it's only a matter of time before he will. I'll be blunt... GET OUT NOW!!!! DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO FALL??? Save yourself a world of hurt and heartache, unless you're into the JW thing... THESE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!!!! GET OUT!!! Consider yourself warned...

Non Jw Dating a JW

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