bad.bad.bad.

by mayflower 23 Replies latest jw experiences

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  azaria

  Welcome to the board mayflower. First of all you are not bad, you are doubting something. As someone else has mentioned it's a strength that you can confront your doubts and look into it. I believe in the end your faith can become stronger because of it. God knows our doubts & I don't believe that he objects to questioning. That's the only way we find the answers. I really don’t have much to add. There's a lot of good advice here and you will find out that the people here are very caring. I have never been a JW (my mother is though & I hope that someday she will see this org for what it really is) I believe that witnesses are taught to mistrust us wordly people. It doesn’t make me mad but very sad. I'm a Christian & I have a strong belief in God and so does my 17 year old daughter. I understand that in the org they keep your mind so busy with witness information that you really don’t have time to really process it. One thing I would consider is taking a breather like some have suggested. Would you consider just reading the bible at some point? (KJV - stay away from NWT - unless you want to research the differences - there are a lot) Our salvation comes from Jesus not any organization. I believe that all who truly believe are annointed with the holy spirit, not just the 144,000 like the JW org states. Take care of yourself, and don't be so hard on yourself.

  1John 2:26-27 NIV I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit-just as it has taught you, remain in him.

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  bebu

  You've just been had.had.had.

  LOL Maverick! That was quite good. And quite true.

  Welcome, Mayflower! Most of the board are pilgrims, too. (Tho' I was never a JW; my neighbor is.)

  Test everything--and only hold on to whatever is good... Advice you will need to use.

  bebu
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  Carmel

  Your reaction is a clear indication of the subtle and thorough brainwashing to which you have been subjected. Fear and guilt are the primary tools of cults and religions without the spiritual foundations adumbrated by Christ (substitute your favorite prophet). Easy for me to say, thinking back over 45 years ago when I experianced the same feelings.

  carmel
• 

  zugzwang

  Losing one's religious structure is just like any other type of major loss, such as the loss of a spouse or child or parent. You will go through the grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. At some points you will be experiencing several of these at the same time. But just as is the case with the loss of a loved one you must realize that the loss is not your fault. "The truth" died, as it were, because it wasn't truth. Because it was a part of you though you will experience denial, even though your rational brain knows that the "truth" can't be such, on a deep level you need to believe that it isn't really gone. You will experience anger, anger at yourself, anger at those who didn't reveal all of the facts to you sooner, anger at even God. This is normal. Bargaining is the worst part. Trying to somehow make "the truth" be true. "Maybe if I just spend more time in service, or comment more or study more or pray more or pioneer or go to Bethel etc. . ." I drove myself crazy trying to bargain with myself or with God or with reality, "please just let what I believed be true, I'll do anything!" Of course, when this doesn't work then comes the depression. Once we realize that our loved one isn't coming back, no matter how much we beg and bargain, then the sadness really hits. For me it is like someone very close to me has died. And no matter what I do, no matter how I may try to delude myself into believing that "the truth" isn't dead, the fact is that it is. So slowly now I am going through the acceptance phase. Acceptance is coming to terms with the world, dealing with the loss and carrying on. For me that loss also involved losing my wife who is still a JDub. And no doubt I will go through these stages to varying degrees again in the future (Just like I still go through them when I think about my father who died 9 years ago.) But as time passes it will get easier. (At least that is what my therapist keeps telling me. If you didn't feel any pain over leaving it probably meant you were there for the right reasons in the first place. Believing you were there for all of the right reasons and then finding out you were at the wrong place is difficult to take. But that is what life is about, learning from experiences and growing. Being around others who are also learning and growing is a good place for you to be right now.

  zugz