by indoubt 27 Replies latest jw friends
So sad to hear that your wife messed it up for the two of you.
Pretty soon you'll have imperfect men telling you how to conduct your private/intimate lives.
That's it, man, you're screwed and marked for life with these imperfect beings. Should've exercised your 'head of the household' powers and not let the little woman spoil things for you!
DY
| Welcome Indoubt! Did anyone take notice of this statement: As many jws, I started having doubts when viewing the Dateline show regarding child molestation withing the jws. That's quite a mouthful!!! Again Welcome! Ps Sorry about the spywear!!! I couldn't help but reply tho!! |
Indoubt - first of all a big hearty WELCOME!
JWD can be many things - solemn, interesting, informative, happy, supportive - all this and more and here you are!
Your post typifies a common experience (the pre-marriage conduct) with jws including myself.
What you should do, well, you're getting alot of advice but only YOU know who YOU are and how you'd feel looking at yourself in the morning.
Here is what I did. Fiancee and I had a loooonnng courtship. Eventually got pretty hot at times and alone with her. Conduct occured that mostly involved clothes on, sometimes not. But no relations. My conscience bothered the hell out of me (we were both reg pio's too, not that that means anything - just normal people heh heh) so I went to our po. He was a very kind and gental man who searched out the matter but not in extreme detail and offered private advice and checked up once or twice later. NO sanctions of any sort, but we sure worked much harder to stay 'clean' until we were married. We continued pioneering etc. He also gave our wedding talk at the KH.
Its obvious that there is great variety in how the elders handle these matters - the consistency is so faith strengthening!
boa
I'm not sure what to tell you indoubt
You agreed to talk to the elders to sooth your wife's conscience, the elders did not hunt you down, you and your wife have invited them ober for a confessional...
Maybe you should review some of the accounts about Jesus with your wife to see how forgiving he was. He never asked his apostles to purge themselves to a tribunal but told them to speak to their heavenly father....go over this before your meeting to calm your wife because this meeting could be one of the most gut wrenching events she has ever experienced or depending on the elders maybe be nothing.
I personally don't think it would be the best time to drop the bomb about doubts..
Does your wife know how you feel?
How does she feel, not the same it seems if she is still putting so much faith in the Organization that she wants forgiveness from that Org for past conduct which they condemn.
FAKE IT.
By doing so, you will help your beloved avoid the ignomy of a judicial committee or worse. Imagine how badly she would feel if you two were publicly reproved or disfellowshipped. It would also be wise if you offered neutral responses when questioned about your lack of attendance - "lots of work," "mentally distracted by a project at work," "I'm not as young as I used to be," "I'm just physically tired, and I've been thinking of seeing a doctor."
Fake it for her sake. Later, when you are both ready to move on together, you can drop da bomb.
Thanks all for your comments and suggestions.
shotgun:Does your wife know how you feel?
How does she feel, not the same it seems if she is still putting so much faith in the Organization that she wants forgiveness from that Org for past conduct which they condemn
My wife has a good idea on how I feel about the org (I have been irregular for almost a year now). She does not know all the details yet; I am trying to go slowly, as I do not want to drop a bomb on her... this would be too hard for her.
She is still very much active and has full faith in the org. As many of us on this board, she was raised as a jw and learned from a young age not to discuss or question the org's decisions and directives.
Welcome to the forum.
I'm with the others~ fake it. This is not the sword to fall on.
It is probably a good time to begin showing your wife that you don't take this nearly as seriously as she does. Of course don't act flippant, be sure to make logical points if you want to help her. If she sees the disconnect between the supposedly holy-spirit guided men, and your calculated "action" to prevent them from affecting your lives adversely, it may well give her alot to think about.
Elders have this situation come up all the time, it is unlikely that you'd be df'd unless you really pushed them too.
First of all welcome!
A very sticky situation. A situation that no human being should be placed in. To have to give up your human rights and be interrogated on extremely private matters. I tend to agree with the others who have replied here. Have a heart to heart with your wife. THAT...is the relationship that matters the most in this situation. If she is agreeable to your "faking it" and being remorseful about your pre-marital fooling around (which, may I add, probably most if not all of us are guilty of to some degree before we married as "chaste JW's". Ha!), I would do that to save your wife and yourself from the misplaced wrath of those little men you have to grovel in front of.
I'm sorry for your situation indoubt. I hope that things go as well as they can under the circumstances for you and your wife.
Cathy L.
I shouild have added a big WELCOME TO THE BOARD!
You will find people here of all attitudes and opinions bu there is a common spriit that binds us together . BTW Maverick made some good points . They can only do what you allow them to. But you have to consider your relationship with your wife . I understand becaused my wife is very much "in"
sorry - I should have said welcome to the board
