by detective 27 Replies latest jw experiences
I am married to a witness we get along really good
the only arguments are when I give my opinion on the JW religion
he did read about the UN as a rule he doesnt listen to me about what i have learned here
I was raised a witness so I know where hes coming from and what to expect
he is a good husband and thats what counts
When I met honey-bunny, I was still a witness who attended meetings, while he was completely unfamiliar with what jw's are. He was really cool about it, would offer me rides to the meetings when my car was in the shop, and went out of his way to be nice to my dub friends. He never once tried to belittle my faith or try to get me to change my ways. He would sometimes ask me questions about doctrines, such as the 144,000, the new system, etc., and they always sounded so lame to me when I tried to explain them. When I noticed how rudely my dubbie "friends" would treat him when he was with me, and compared their behavior to his non-judgemental attitude, I did not feel comfortable attending meetings with them anymore. Long story short, now we spend our Sundays working on the house together.
He still (5 1/2 years later) likes to grumble that Witness women are supposed to be submissive to their men. That's when I remind him that, if I'd played by Witness rules, I'd never have gone out with him in the first place!
Good reminder Insomniac!!!
I actually credit my relationship, in an off hand way, with bringing me to an awareness of this site, as well as information I would have never come to know regarding the history of the WTS.
It was difficult in the begining, for about the first 5 years, then we truly began to weld with each other. I was the witness, she was not. I can't imagine her not being in my life.
This situation however was so weird that I often attribute it to divine intervention.
I was not brought up in the truth. I learned of it through distant relatives, however, at an early age. I was one of those who would study and stop at different intervals in my life. when at the end of a 17 year career at trying to ''make up your mind" I was finally turned over to a brother who was the first person to teach me something, and not preach at me. He assisted in bringing me around.
I held in there briefly, for a minute, but felt the changeover in me was grossly superficial, and thought I couldn't serve as a phony.
Struggling with different issues, I went to a rehab where I met the woman who would become my wife, we have 7 years of marriage and 10 years of history between us.
Strange as it was, upon coming to know each other, there existed an over lapping common thread that wove our lives together. She being a single mother, two of her children were relatives of the brother's wife that assisted me towards qualifying for baptism. She knew them and even went to their wedding before they became witnesses. We had never laid eyes upon each other up to that point. But after learning how our lives were inner connected it was like syncronicity. Our lives merged and I ran with it.
We struggled no more or less than any other couple. In fact the pressure exerted upon our relationship and not succumbing to it, actually served to solidify our union and true is it that couples, if they hang in there, can trancend the the difficult times.
Upon acquiring a computer, I was curious one day about four years ago, what was on the net about JW's. I did a search and found some official sites as well as this one. Being conditioned from years of WT indoctrination, I trembled in fear when reaching for the mouse to open up this site, after doing so however, I'd been given the opportunity to learn things about the society that I suspect most inside will never know.
Raymond Franz's book was very disturbing. It however has helped me to sort through years and years of guilt. Thanks to many of you here, I have only begun to try and sift through the mess I have made of my life thru years of fear and mis-information.
As for me...
I'm the non-witness in the dynamic duo. He's now an ex-witness who resists investigating or critiquing the organization. Hopefully someday he'll be ready and emotionally able to take a hard look at the group.
While he was a witness, things were often quite difficult. Enormously so. In fact, so much so, that I would have to recommend that any non-witness who is just beginning a relationship with a witness seriously reconsider such an involvement. During the time that he was "fence-sitting" and leading a "double life", it was really pretty brutal. I'm not sure I can emphasize that enough for people considering this sort of relationship. He did end up deciding to leave the group and is shunned by his parents and his so-called "friends".
Based on the lovelorn folks coming here to talk about relationships with witnesses and posting a few times- never to be heard from again, I'd say our outcome (him leaving the group) was fairly uncommon. It seems many of these relationships are doomed, I hate to say it.
Would I do it again? Sort of.
I mean, to get to where we are today- yes. HOWEVER, if he ever decides to fully re-commit to the organization- honestly, after all that we've been through... I think that'd be the end of the road for us. I just can't imagine trying to fight that battle again. (I'd try- I know I would- for awhile, but emotionally it's so draining that for sanity's sake it'd probably spell adios for the two of us).
Detective
Detective
Detective,
I totally agree with you I would recommend a non JW dating a JW to consider not being involved. My ex was disfellowshipped but still leading a life of not moving on. It's frustrating and really drained me. I don't think most relationships like these last. I have unfortunately gone through this. I was also afraid he would go back then it would be worse. I tried everything thinking since he didn't go back he had doubts he could change, but the reality is with these people you can't.
I know of an inactive JW sister who married a non-JW man, who became a JW and "progressed" to being an elder. They are both inactive now. That can be a good or a bad ending depending on who you ask.
Blondie
Well. I was friends with a 'worldly' man for a long time before we realized that we both had romantic feelings for one another. We both had issues we had to deal with, mine being that I was not supposed to be dating him at all. He never asked me to leave the JWs, nor did he actively influence my decision to leave. His influence came mainly from the unconditional love and support, and the strong caring he showed me. It stood in stark contrast to 98% of the JWs I know and who were my 'friends'.
One of those 'friends', not active in my life at the time and loooong before I was dating my honey, heard me talking to him on my phone and decided that we were dating (we actually were sharing creative writing stories and he had a critique for one of mine...). She went to the elders with this story, based on no evidence and without ever speaking to me. When the elders came to me, I asked why she didn't talk to me first (in the spirit of Matthew 23, as there was nothing to 'witness' and if she thought I had done something that I needed to confess, I was supposed to have the opportunity to confess it on my own). They told me she said she had, which was a bold-faced lie. Fortunately, the elders believed me, and my friend was outraged that a supposed 'friend' could treat my feelings so shabbily.
Once we were in a relationship I managed about 5 months before I could no longer handle living the double life. I left. After I left, I learned how much of the 'truth' is false. I'm so glad I went with my heart and not with my falsely trained conscience. Honey is the light of my life and makes every day a delight to experience. That's the real life.
