witness/non-witness romance- how'd yours fare? Check in!

by detective 27 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  jgnat

  ...and, oh yes, I married my man with my eyes wide open as to what I was getting in to.

  I think some of those who wander in here, heartsick, romantically involved with a JW, have been lied to by their partners about the insidious strength of the JW religion over their lives. They have never met the JW relatives to see what they really think about a non-JW dating their precous offspring. There could be some major wishful thinking happening with both partners.

  In that case, the relationship is off to a shaky start. The non-JW partner owes it to themselves to get honest answers from their partner, before things get too deep.
• 

  catlady

  I have never been a JW (thank my lucky stars!) & met my DF'd boyfriend about 2 weeks before he was kicked out. The first couple of times we went out we had a great time together & just talked about all the crap you do on a date - religion never entered the picture.

  The day he told me I was wearing a cross & he asked me if my family or I were religious. I laughed & said no way, it's just decoration. He then told me he was a dub & had been wanting to get out for a long time. I felt sick to my stomach even though I didn't know a great deal about them but what I did know wasn't good. We talked for ages & he told me that although he & his wife were legally divorcing it would not be recognised by the elders as they had determined neither party had committed adultery (she had an affair but only gave oral satisfaction!).

  The couple of weeks after that were pretty tough - he was wanting to leave because he didn't believe anymore but did not want to lose friends & family. Our relationship progressed to the next step & I spent the night. He was pretty guilt-laden the next morning although managed to get over that to sin again LOL! His sister lives nearby & did a drive-by - she is quite obsessed with him - & phoned to grill him about his visitor. He told her (stupid dubs, used to confessing all!) & then she did the loving thing (BS!) & told the elders. I guess we all know the story from there - boy gets interrogated, boy gets kicked out, boy gets shunned.

  He had very anxious the week leading up to being DF'd but was relieved when his 'judgement' was eventually handed down. The week after was pretty stressful & he talked about getting back in & I kept wondering what I had got myself into.

  It's been a few months now & our relationship keeps getting stronger & he seems to be less dub-like everyday. We even did some Easter things together & stood up for the Australian anthem! I hope that he will never return to this evil organisation & at this point I don't believe that he will. His main concern at the moment is figuring out how to ensure that his 2 young children aren't poisoned for life by his JW wife & family.

  I have copped some pretty awful abuse from his sister & I don't have a very high opinion of the borg. I believe that they are a judgemental, self-righteous, hypocritical & ignorant collective & I don't want that type of negativity in my life. I realise that if I stay with my boyf the borg is always going to hover in the background because of the children. However, I adore him & am prepared to learn to cope with that. But if he did ever become an active dub again I would leave, I just could not sit by & watch someone I love lose their life all over again.
• 

  detective

  Wow! Some very fascinating stories here. Not quite Hallmark card material, these types of romances (which I actually think can be a good thing in some situations but...)

  The non-JW partner owes it to themselves to get honest answers from their partner, before things get too deep.

  Here's the amusing thing about the above statement, in my situation: You know how the organization likes to pat itself on the back and say "Jehovah's Witnesses are known for their blah blah blah {insert foolish boast here}"? Well, what exactly did I know about Jehovah's Witnesses when I met my friend?? Basically nothing at all. Truth is, the "truth" isn't nearly as fascinating or impressive as the organization wants to convince it's membership that it is.

  I wouldn't have known what to ask my JW friend. All I knew of the witnesses before I met him were the memories of the flowery dressed woman trying to peddle a goofball magazine to me (and the ridiculous picture of kids playing with lions on the cover). Oh, I forgot about my two JW coworkers(but they weren't close enough and didn't share enough similarities to draw any conclusions about the group itself- it's only now that I know better that I can connect certain dots). I thought they were zealous and a bit too biblically focused in conversation (somewhat a snooze). But I really didn't have any reason to be interested in Jehovah's Witnesses and I certainly wasn't aware of this amazing reputation they apparently are known for having!

  I had no idea. I'm almost embarassed by that fact . Almost. But the group was a footnote to me- until I had a reason to know more and to actually care. And by then, of course, it was already too late! I didn't get the "Jehovah's Witnesses are a Cult" tract that they really should distribute at the doors! (wishful thinking)

  I think I'm probably not alone in that witness-oblivious life I was leading at the time. Didn't know the rules until I was already in the game. Go figure!

  Now, I know! {and now I tell everybody I know!}
• 

  Sassy

  well I was raised in that environment... mom became a JW when I was a toddler and dad never had an interest.. By their 25th year he called it quits. His reason? He told me that her life was being a JW and he realized that either he had to become one or they were never going to have a marriage. So he called it quits.. Growing up in that sucked.. Torn as a kid wanting to please both parents, mom wanted us in field service.. dad DID NOT..

  now.. as an adult I began dating a couple years ago men who were not JWs when I still was one.. one guy I really cared about, but too many times we crossed lines as a JW I knew I shouldn't do... I couldn't give to that relationship like he deserved.. too bad too because he wasn an awesome guy.. he finally got fed up with me because of my JW crap and moved w/o a forwarding.. too bad.. because after I officially quit, I sure did want to hook up with him. I would love to have him know I am out of that life.. and to think I tried to witness to him!
• 

  a wee scots lass

  Met my partner about 2 weeks before I was df'd. He stood by me while almost my whole family turned their back on me. He was there to hold my hand and comfort me while I shed my tears. On the odd occasions when we would see my family ? at other non JW family functions, he would have to put up with my parents telling him they had nothing against him personally but that they wanted me to leave him and go back to the ?truth?.

  As I said on the post of my story, just after I got df?d he sent me a really nice card and inside it said simply ?

  ?Welcome to the world?

  He is my sole mate and the father of my two kids.

  He is not perfect but he is mine and I love him.

  L.
• 

  detective

  That's a really sweet story, wee scot Lass. Sorry about the delayed response!
• 

  topcat

  A little late perhaps, but I'd like to reply to this thread. I was involved with an inactive witness(3 1/2 yrs.) for 3 yrs. we had known each other for approximately 20 yrs. (friends), then boom , something clicked! I was never really that familiar with JW doctrine and never wished to be. I was actually friends with his wife and family too, they were separated when we got together. As it turned out he got drawn back into the religion by relatives who he began working with. We had an extremely intimate relationship and he always commented on how he could just be himself with me. Well as the relatives started poking their noses in, he got more versed in the old ways and I just got more infuriated . In one of our last conversations he asked if I'd ever look at the religion and if I thought he was being " controlled"? I had to be truthful to myself and him and I said no I just didn't feel comfortable with it ( had started doing more intense investigation at this pt.) and yes to the second part. Well I think that did it for him. As much as I could tell he wanted to be with me , the JW dogma was obviously more important in his life. Next thing you know he started dating a JW woman (appears she may be a pioneer) and a year and a bit later they got married. I still don't understand though how someone could have such intense feelings for a person and then like a switch , it's off! It's been about 21/2 yrs. since all that and I still pray for him daily that he will find the real truth. He was never a really happy person (depression, alcohol, psoriasis) and I really pray for his happiness , which I feel will only come when he is true to himself and leaves the JW's behind permanently. Would I do it again? I don't think so . My heart was literally ripped out and as much as I am thankful for the wonderful times we had, I don't think I would want to face those deamons again. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

  Topcat
• 

  Dayshdeess

  Nothing but turmoil, at the time I really didnt delve into just what was involved with dating a witness, what with me being of no faith at all and my partner with a new found belief that she was a chosen one. Really was doomed to failure before it even got off the ground, I just couldnt see it.

  They say 'love is blind' and it sure is. People on this board gave me sound advice at the time, and told me to start running, that was four months ago, and boy am I glad I took your advice, I knew nothing about witnesses, except from the stereotypical view I held like everyone else, I read up on it and asked all the newbie questions and it really was as/is as messed up as I read it and you all told me.

  If it works for you then congratulations, unfortunateley I lost out to the big J, but then again she did tell me that I would always come second. Im glad I saw sense before I married her and can honestley say I would not have been able to support her in her faith, which in turn would have caused it to fail.

  Being ignorant to the facts and future implications it would bring to my future and just being smitten by the love bug, clouded things greatly. I had too much to lose in my life, my friends and family were all against me getting seriously involved and I couldnt see it. I still love her to this day, but I lost her the day she was welcomed into the kingdom hall.