Feeling lost today.
It's the weekend, and I will be once again going home to an empty house, where my children won't be welcoming me home. I haven't seen or talked to them in a very long time. I won't be able to kiss their sweet faces, or hold them close to me, so I can tell them I love them. No video games, or staying up late carousing, or watching scary movies. No laughter, kidding around, or spend an evening going for a drive to the ice cream store.....
It's such an empty feeling, not to be able to have your own kids with you. They now know that I am an apostate, and so I won't be hearing from them anymore. The only memories I to have of them, seem to be fading. The last time we met with my girls, they were not happy to visit with me. So I only have an image in my head, where they were walking away of mad at me. I remember standing outside the restaurant saying, "good bye" to them. I knew it mean "fair well" for a very long time. All I have imprinted in my head, is an image of their backs, as they walked off.... They never responded. They walked off into the dark without a word.
I only have 3 pictures of them, but they are tear stained. My ex has the rest of the album, and won't surrender any.
I think I am going to curl up in a ball right now, and sit in a dark corner and sob for a very long time ....
I don't want to wake up tomorrow ......to an empty house.
Please don't respond to this post. I merely needed to get this on paper. It just doesn't matter anyway. I have no more family I can call my own.
Puternut