((((((((((((Cowboy))))))))))
love you, old friend!!!
An Esmerelda by any other name would still be just as screwed up.
by Fleur 24 Replies latest jw friends
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ZazuWitts
(((((Essie))))) I like that 'first language response myself - and often find myself doing something similar when speaking w/ JW relatives:) Will NEVER go back myself...but it keeps the peace, and allows contact with them. I love them without conditions, even if it can't be returned. Have my own 'brand' of insomnia due to stroke related problems - but, hey we are still breathing, yes! You haven't lost your brilliant ability to express yourself with words...such a rare gift. Hope you post often...You have been missed.
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Jankyn
Hi, Essie.
It's really good to hear from you. I wish we saw more of you around here--there's always room for your brand of compassion.
As for whether or not it ever gets any easier--well, I think living with a JW upbringing/past is kind of like dealing with a chronic illness. You have your good days, and then you have your bad days; all you can do is treasure the good days and let the bad ones slide off your back.
I'm a bit suspicious of people who are "all over it." Not to cast stones, but that seems over-simplified to me. Maybe when it's been longer, or when my JW family members are no longer living (which would be a mixed blessing, b/c I do love them), it will be easier. But for me, it's been more than 25 years since I've set foot in a Kingdom Hall, and I still have "bad days" from time to time. A lot of it is b/c I'm still trying to have a relationship with my JW mother, who is inconstant at best and a real problem if she's just been to an assembly (oops--convention!).
I suppose we could just "cut them off," as my mom has been threatening to do to me since 1978, but I'm not made that way. A half a loaf--or maybe even a slice--is better than none at all. And in your case, there's your daughter to keep you tied.
I guess I think if I "disfellowship" my JW relatives, that makes me as sick and twisted emotionally as they are. I want to be better than that.
Love,
Jankyn
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Fleur
(((((((((((zazu, jankyn)))))))) wow, it's wonderful to hear from you both. I have missed you and thought about you so often.
Jankyn, you hit the nail on the head for me ...i don't want to do the same thing that they do, i want to be kinder than that. this is why i have always told my relatives that my door is always open to them, if they choose to walk through it. it is like dealing with a chronic illness...these are all great illustrations and you're all helping me to put this all in perspective.
didn't fall asleep till after 330 this morning, but when i slept, it was soundly.
you speak of my having compassion...that is so kind of you. i left here because the people who didn't seem to care what they said or who they hurt got to me, i let them get to me. but i'm getting older, and learning more, and i am not the same terrified girl who came to the boards 4 (4!!!) years ago, so i suppose the nickname change is a good thing, anyway isn't it?
i'm very different now, but more 'me' than i have ever been and that is what i am not willing to give up to go back just to make peace with my family. i can't give up me.
i like to think i'm a teeny bit wiser from learning from all of you in the past few years. the hardest thing has been, and still is, showing compassion of any kind to myself. that is a lesson that i hope to learn this year.
if anything i say to anyone here can help them, than that is reason enough to hang around, even if only on the periphery...and i am determined this time not to let anyone make me so upset that i have to retreat entirely into myself. that ain't healthy lol. i can't 'live' in the exjw world, but the outskirts of town are a great place to retreat when your soul needs to be fed.
hugs and love to all,
fleur
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Jankyn
Hi, Essie. You'll notice that, even though I've been on the board for almost three years, I'm still a "newbie." I just don't post that often. I come in, I look around to see if there's anything particularly helpful or interesting (which are not always the same things), I post if I have something to say. I, too, can't live in ex-JW land. But it's a nice place to visit when I need to know I'm not alone. And, dear, you're not alone, either. Jankyn.