Leaving the Mormons stories can help Witnesses

by Dogpatch 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bebu

  I just wanted to mention here: I printed out 2 of the above stories, and had a discussion with my JW neighbor. First, I told her about how my sister-in-law left the Mormons over a year ago. For my sil, it wasn't any expose that lead her to re-examine 25 years of devotion, but the lack of love and insight by the leaders. (I still can't figure out why a certain experience, not very dramatic, was such a heavy straw for the camel to notice, and I admitted this to my neighbor.)

  My sil has posted a few stories on the exmormon website, and so I used that as a bridge for giving her the 2 printouts.

  Before beginning, I was a bit worried that she might have been cautious about discussing another group that was a cult--esp since she rightly suspects that I consider the WTBTS a cult. In fact, once she knew that the papers I was bringing out were NOT related to the WT, she very visibly relaxed and became quite interested, and we had a very good discussion. I explained about some of the weird Mormon doctrines, and she was AMAZED that people would so believe such strange ideas ("worthy" Mormons evolve into gods at death, if going thru temple rituals, etc....) and wondered what prevented them from seeing how blatantly wrong it was. (Ahhhh, the irony.) So, I explained to her the social pressures used, their emphasis on feelings over verifiable fact, never questioning authority, never reading "apostate" materials, and so on. It was a short lesson in cult behavior, and she was listening... and I am hoping that something is sinking in!!!

  She took the stories home to read. Perhaps she will recognize something there.

  bebu
• 

  willyloman

  I agree, direct frontal attacks don't work very well on those who are emotionally invested. The subtle approach is more productive. Isn't that what they taught us in dub school?
• 

  ihidmyselfbecauseiwasnaked

  I hope its ok to post here. I am an exmormon(42 years in the cult) and I ran across your discussion here on the similarities between exmormon issues and ex-Jehovah Witness issues. I in no way want to offend I'm just curious. Do most ex-Witnesses become atheist just like most exmos? That's where my wife and I are.

  Also, it seems to me that the Witnesses are much meaner than the mormons when someone leaves the Witnesses. We have our own kind of shunning but it seems to me that the Witnesses are required to shun anyone who leaves whereas the Mormons settle for a kind of condescending-arrogant holier-than-though kind of approach. Are you actually required to shun loved ones who leave? I find that astonishing and it would seem nearly impossible for someone who loves their wife, husband, son or daughter to follow through with it. Am I looking at this wrong?
• 

  Quandry

  Welcome ihidmyselfbecauseiwasnaked

  You wrote:

  Also, it seems to me that the Witnesses are much meaner than the mormons when someone leaves the Witnesses. We have our own kind of shunning but it seems to me that the Witnesses are required to shun anyone who leaves whereas the Mormons settle for a kind of condescending-arrogant holier-than-though kind of approach. Are you actually required to shun loved ones who leave? I find that astonishing and it would seem nearly impossible for someone who loves their wife, husband, son or daughter to follow through with it. Am I looking at this wrong?

  How very perceptive of you. Yep, them Witnesses take mean to a whole new level.

  If you are obedient, you will cut off, say, a son or daughter, and not speak to him/her for years, nor see any grandchildren that may come along. If you are married, however, you do not shun your partner, only not speak of spiritual things and of course, be condescending, arrogant, well, you get the picture.

  If a person is disfellowshipped, they must come into the Kingdom Hall (that is if they want to be reinstated) just before the meeting, sit in the back, and everyone will avoid them, of course not greeting them. They must be made to feel ashamed!!!!!

  Then, they must write a letter asking to return. Of course the elders, loving as they are, may reject the heartfelt plea until they deem the person properly "repentant" which may take more than a year.
• 

  DJPoetech

  Welcome Ihid...

  Once "shunned" the "love switch" is flipped off.

  Good night.
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  ihidmyselfbecauseiwasnaked

  Wow. Brutal. I can't imagine shunning any of my kids or my wife even for a day, let alone a year. But I suppose, within the mindset of the Witnesses, it makes logical sense, i.e. if you REALLY love them you will do all you can to get them back. But do people really go through that kind of brutality to come back? I would think it must be rather rare.
• 

  nvrgnbk

  Witnesses on their way out of the org, or at least considering it, are often freaked out by "apostate" testimonies of ex-Witnesses. If you are dealing with someone like that, or you are in that situation, read some stories by former Mormons, it will help bypass the false guilt:

  Very true.

  The parallels are strong.

  My brother checked out the MT during a visit to Utah and said he felt like he was at Bethel.
• 

  Quandry

  ihid

  I hope I may call you that for short.

  You would think it would be rare. Who loves humiliation? But it is not.When a person truly believes their lives rest on obedience to an organization, as you would know, they will endure alot. On the one hand, I can understand sin and being sorry. If the elders speak to the person in a loving manner, it may serve to help the one overcome bad things. I know I may get blasted for saying this by some on here. But my husband was an elder for over twenty years. I knew of circumstances in the congregation (not from him-he didn't divulge the secrets). Let's say there is a pedophile. Certainly he should be removed from all so that he cannot harm children.

  The problem, of course, comes when the elders abuse their power. There have been many posters on this board that came and confessed their sin, were repentant, felt bad in their hearts, and the elders treated them cruelly, perhaps asking for sexual details, etc. that they had no need to know, then demeaned and humiliated the person. Then they want the person to grovel to them time and again, asking to return.

  These are the ones that generally give up and we find them here on this forum.
• 

  Confucious

  Randy, good friend. Thanks for the links.

  I too think those stories help.

  They helped me, because as ex-Witnesses it's VERY HARD for us to not be emotially attached.

  But when we as Dubs look at the Mormon hiarchy, it's so simple. "Why Mr. Mormon are you worrying? It's so easy to tell that there is something not right."

  But they have the same Mental Blocks as us.

  Nice points Randy.

  Confucious
• 

  ihidmyselfbecauseiwasnaked

  LOL! Sure, call me ihid. (Its my exmo user name and refers to part of the mormon temple ceremony).

  THanks for the information.