Well Puternut, what you have gone through and are still going through are dificult times. Most people experience difficult times in their lives. However OUR times are different, in that we lose so many things all at once and it is due to our decision to leave a cult that we had full trust in and depended on and they are the source of our feeling as we do.
We lose our identity and feel lost. But then, we really don't want it back. We lost our belief that we are loveable and acceptable. But we don't want it back under the old terms.
The cults actions towards us are carefully designed to create chaos, grief, sadness, anger, guilt. Actually every emotion positive and negative is triggered. If we dare to question the cult. We are dealing with this, while trying to build a new identity and reassure ourselvs that we are loveable and acceptable.
On top of all this is created a nagging question of "am I right", "is there something wrong with me"?
Even though we have enough evidence to say " I am right" and there is "nothing wrong with me" a Part of our mind "well trained by the cult" quietly asks that question over and over again.
It takes time. Less for some and more for some. Depending on many things. I have been free of the cult for 13 yrs. now and there are still some unwanted doubts that trickle through my mind and I have to stamp them out.
You and I have lost relatives and children. This is due to their choices of actions. IT IS NOT OUR FAULT AND WE DID NOT CAUSE IT. It is the choice THEY decided on. But the cult and those shunning us, deny thIs and refuse to take responsibility for their choices or recognize how they are hurting us. The cult has taught them that this is the loving thing to do and THAT IT IS GODS WISH.
All this is a result of the cults hold on them and maybe due to their own personalities to some degree.
I finally had to "accept the choices of those that shun me" give them the right in my mind to do this. For me this also required NEVER PURSUING them. I don't believe this should be used with small children or teens, not yet adults.
We have obligations and rights there and we should fulfill them. In this area, we need to be tough and heavy handed if needed. Use the courts and look out for YOURSELF and the CHIILDREN. Don't hesitate or be kind to those who oppose you. They seldom will be kind or considerate of you. However if they are kind and considerate, show the same to them.
All of this takes time to get over and get past. During this time we need to cultivate new friends and new lives for ourselves. This takes time.
All of this takes time and we need to accept that also. We didn't get in this state of affairs over night and it won't go away over night.
I remained single for 5 yrs and felt that was needed to get my head on straight. In stress filled times we humans seem to rush into situations, as we try to find love and acceptance.
No wonder you feel as you do my friend! This is life changing, in a big way you are going through.
The old Puternut is fading away and the new REAL Puternut is starting to take shape. This will be the Purernut with true self respect. Loveable and acceptable and at peace with himself and most of the world. Happy and free of self imposed guilt induced in the cult. It all gets better from here on.
Now when you read this, you will realize that you already knew all this, didn't you.
Best wishes to you and your children Outoftheorg
