REPOST: For those without mothers

by Lady Lee 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  reboot

  (((((((((kat2u))))))))))))xxx
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  Puternut

  Mom,

  I trully wish you would be able to read this letter. Though I know you never will, nor trully care. I was your youngest son. You have raised me, and I don't know if I am thankful for that.

  I am a parent also, and I know for a fact that it's not hard to show your children love. Reading to them, playing with them, supporting them when they are down, being there for them. I know that I was not the easiest child, but I now realize that all I wanted, is for you to tell me you loved me. You never did, until I had my first child. I promised myself I would never repeat what you allowed Dad to do me. I would be a chainbraker! You stood there many times allowing the abuse to go on. And you know it was often for no reason at all. You did nothing to help an innocent child, shame on you. I was crying for help, but you weren't there......

  I thought you would be proud of me when I became a witness. But even then you showed no interest in me as a person or my new family. I don't know what I have done to you as a person. But your attitude has shown to me, that perhaps you wished I was never born.

  Now that I am out of the borg, you told my brother (not me), that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So you didn't have the courage to tell me about this. Not that it matters anymore, because you never really cared anyway. You have scolded me verbally, and accused me of things that were mean and degrading.

  I want you to know that till today I am still affected by those words. They are forever stuck in my head, and I can't seem to be able to get them out of my mind.

  Now you are an old woman in a care facility. And you have no friends, that really care about you. Did it ever occur to you as to why that might be? Could it be that not everyone else is wrong and you're not always right?

  I am saddened that you never experienced me as a person. I am a good guy, but that is something you will never see. Now you are a sad woman in a room all alone. And you feel no one loves you. You have turned your back on your son, because you allow yourself to be influenced so easily by others.

  I want you to know one thing; You never held me, you never gave me praise. As much hurt as you have given me, and as little contact as you had with me for the last 48 years, when I really needed you as a mother, I can't help but still love you.

  Your disappointed Son,

  Ary
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  codeblue

  great letter Kat....you have a lot of courage...How could a mother not see the pain she has caused you?

  I hope this letter helps to release some of your pain and help you cope, regardless of her actions.

  Hugs to you,

  Codeblue
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  codeblue

  Puter....you are making me cry.....I am so sorry!

  You are right....she is a lonely, old lady...for a reason....in the end...all things have a way of catching up with us!

  Codeblue
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  maybesbabies

  My mother passed away Sept. 01, 1994

  Mama,

  I wish you hadn't had such a hard life, and that you hadn't died thinking Jehovah didn't love just because a brainwashed cult told you so. You were harsh sometimes, and you were difficult to live with, but you were always my mama. We loved you for all you sacrificed for us, and we all walked through hell together. I wish I could have told you everything before you died, rather than being filled with anger over you leaving us. You wouldn't have stumbled us, we didn't care about the religion at that point. If only you had come back sooner, we could have gotten you help. You didn't have to die, and remember it was not Jehovah who didn't love you, it was the WTBTS. They will rot in hell mama, and you will be loved forever.

  ~Tamar
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  galaxy7

  so sad kat2u. it breaks my heart reading yours and the other stories here.
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  CeriseRose

  Lady Lee, thank you so much for this post. This is the first year that I can show how upset this holiday makes me, and it has helped me (although you all have made me cry) to read the other posts.

  **********************

  Dear Mom,

  I miss you so much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you, about how easy it was to talk to you when I needed to. I know you'd be happy I have left the JWs. It's odd because if you hadn't died, and Dad too, I would probably still be in it. And miserable. Yes, Dad died too, just after you.

  I haven't talked to you wherever you are, first, because I couldn't believe you were anything but 'sleeping' and in God's remembrance, and now, because I don't know what to believe. I know that you've been in my dreams, and there's a small part of me that hopes that it really is you, somehow speaking to me.

  I met a man, Mom, a really good man. Just like your Bruce. In one of my dreams you met him, and you liked him a lot. I know if you were alive you'd adore him. He makes every bit of pain and heartache I went through for all those years worth it. I know you'd be happy, no, ecstatic, and you'd probably be bugging me for grandchildren. And you'd have all the crocheting done for the next 20 years in about a week. hehe

  I wish so many things I could make different, things I did that hurt you. I don't know if you know but I was devastated at hurting you by not phoning you on Mother's Day for all those years. I know I phoned you all the time, but I feel small and selfish for not seeing through all the crap sooner and not acknowledging you on that day. I can't ever undo that, but I can resolve to remember you on that day now, and honour you now. I know it's not the same, but it's all I can do.

  I'm back in school, Mom. I always wanted to study English and now I am. I know that you never got to fulfill your educational dreams and when (not if, when) I finish this, it will be because you started me on the road and you encouraged me through everything. I never failed to know that you were proud of me, that you loved me. When I lost you, I lost the best friend I ever had, the one person who knew me inside out and that is the biggest gaping hole that will never be filled. Some days all I want is to feel you hugging me, or hear your voice say everything will be okay. Some days I just imagine you doing that...it's not the same, but it does help.

  If I never get the chance to say another thing to you, even like this, I want you to know that I love you, that I am the person you taught me to become, and that I'm happy. You 'gol darn gone and done good'. :) We're taking care of Bruce for you; your garden is beautiful as always, and the quails are woohooing nightly.

  Love always,

  Me
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  Jade

  Well since mom hasn't really had anything to do with me for almost 9 years, I just want to say Happy Mother's Day Dad! Thanks for supporting me when I left the borg, pushing me to go to college, telling me I could start over and do anything. Thanks for holding my hand through a painful divorce and walking me down the isle when I remarried. Thanks for accepting my new husband and children as if they had always been there. You mean the world to me and I love you pop.(((((Navigator)))))

  Annie
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  Lady Lee

  You are all such awesome people.

  I find it hard sometimes during holidays to not have a mother. Family holidays are always hard because there is someone missing. Not that I think my mother is capable of giving any of her children what they need. But sometimes I wish she was a different person.

  I hope that each of you finds the peace and healing you seek in other ways.

  You all make me glad I decided to repost this. Thank you
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  Odrade

  Dear Mom,

  Thanks for always taking hugs and never giving hugs.

  Thanks for never letting anyone tell me I was pretty.

  Thanks for always telling me I was smart, but making it sound like a bad thing.

  Thanks for hitting me with sticks.

  Thanks for kicking me out of the house everytime dad had to go out of town.

  Thanks for throwing all my stuff out the window if you thought my room was too messy.

  Thanks for questioning my motives, making fun of me and reading my diary if you saw me talking to a boy.

  Thanks for making me stand still and quiet for hours while you talked on the phone, until you looked at me so I had permission to speak to you.

  Thanks for making me never want to have kids so I could be just as great a mom as you were.

  Thanks for giving me the silent treatment everytime I don't do what you want.

  Thanks for having a special hard voice that was just for me.

  Your only daughter.