REPOST: For those without mothers (page 4)

cyber-sista

My Mom died of cancer 7 years ago. At the time I was still in the Org. She was close to death 7 years ago on mother's day and my Father came to me and asked me how much it would mean to her if I recognized her just this once on Mother's Day as it was sure to be her last. I was very torn, but stuck to my JW principles of not participating in this holiday of "pagan" origins. I told others in the congo about it and they all agreed that this was the right thing and that it was Satan putting pressure on me at a vunerable time.

But Mom, what I really want to say is that I wanted so much to bring you a card and flowers and mother's day wishes and I now regret so much that I didn't listen to my heart. I wish I could make it up to you somehow and all the other lost moments that we could have shared together. I love you wherever you are...

SheilaM

OH God this is sooo

Great Expectations

While lying in bed; reading about Pips adventures with Ms. Havisham.

My mind wanders for a brief instant just a flicker

A want

A need

To hear my Mothers voice to hear her speak my name

To call me Turtle or to even yell.

I snap back to page 91 and continue reading Great Expectations.

This one is about the box of stuff I received after my Mothers death..

Unwanted Delivery

I received a box today;

Cardboard, wrapped in sticky gray duct tape,

Over that clear tape, lots and lots of it.

I found a small flat-head screwdriver

And ripped and tore the tape.

Inside

It held too much;

Too much pain, too many memories;

Too many regrets.

SheilaM

Most things

Most things my Mother did irritated me.

We were diametirc opposites,

a pessimist and an optimist that shared DNA.

One thing she did that always comforted was her pat.

With her firm strong hand,

she would pat me on the leg or in the midst of a hug would pat my back.

Alzheimers took her long before death did,

leaving and empty space.

Now, sitting side by side Makayla; my granddaughter.

A small person that helps fill that space.

She reached out with a small latte colored hand and pats my leg.

SheilaM

Jagged Pieces

Guilt tripping

Tragedy Vampires

Each having

Clear,

Specific expectations of me

I come away,

Not a whole,

Complete person.

Instead I am shredded

Into jagged little pieces

As if they had taken what I was

And ripped me apart.

I then spend months,

Trying to reassemble

Vestiges of what

I was

Before.

SheilaM

LadyLee:

As you can see I can speak about these things now in my writing. As far as writing about them without some form to contain the pain...I would be lost.

I will say the worst is missing my Mother and missing the relationship I wanted with her. I also have such anger that my Dad (who left her after 32 years marriage) is alive and she is gone. He smoked so much no one ever thought he would live past 50....go figure

I am dreading Sunday this is the first Mothers Day without her being in this world...on this earth....that idea just breaks my heart.

Lady Lee

Sheila

Buy a rose, light a candle and feel the pat of her hand

Soledad

Dear Mommy,

I know you mean it when you say you love me. I am so grateful that you do not completely shun me. But I want you to know that you have hurt me in ways that you'll probably never know. I already confronted you about not going away to college. It always hurt me when you favored my brother over me, and you know you have, and still do. I cant forget how cruelly you beat me one time when I was only 6 over a pair of keys. You made my nose bleed really bad, I thought you had broken it. You know full well this scenario repeated itself over and over again. Why so abusive? I can't forget how many times you humiliated me in front of others. You never stood up for me. Whatever accusations others came and made about me, you never bothered to even ask me about it, you just assumed it was true. I hated how you would ruin whatever little fun I was having by forcing me to study a damned Watchtower magazine or forcing me to go out in field service.

You knew well how much I hated the idea of being brought up as a Witness, yet you seemed to take pleasure in forcing me to study and comment at meetings and knock on people's doors on weekend mornings when I should have been doing something useful. When I was in the 6th grade, I was a really good athlete, and my gym teacher was encouraging me to join the basketball league. But you made a huge stink out of it. You made me feel guilty for wanting to play basketball! Whatever interests I had you would immediately kill by making me feel guilty. I hated that. Do you even realize what I could have accomplished had you been more supportive?

What bothered me most of all these things was how my brother was able to do whatever he wanted. You never gave him a hard time over joining little league, or over school plays, or wanting to go away to college. Why the double standard? Was it because I'm a girl? Do you resent me? Did you want sons instead of a daughter? I really dont understand, and I don't think I ever will.

For what it's worth, Happy Mother's Day. I know how you'd object over a phone call or a gift on that day. It's a real shame. Being a JW has completely zapped your humanity. I just wish you didn't take it out on me.

Love Miriam

Sunnygal41

This is an awesome thread from our own resident "Dr." Lee.........much healing contained within...........so, BTTT

Terri

Undaunted Danny

Q: Tell me about the situation with your mother. [My Maine Times interview]

A: My parents were Jehovah's Witness missionaries, and when I was born they were reviled for having a baby because the end of the world was coming any day; the preaching work has to get priority. My father married my mother after he met her family when he was going door-to-door. She was 17, he was 27. She was worse than legally blind. They married and it was hell. He was a rotten husband. He was a psychopath because he was a Jehovah's Witness. I was a Jehovah's Witness, too. I was a good-looking boy. I had all these girls chasing me, but I had to suppress my sex drive because any day the end of the world's coming and I'm going to get delivered and I decided the thing to do was to live with my parents even though it sucked. When I was 30, my mother up and moved to Florida. In 1997 I heard a rumor that she had Alzheimer's disease, that she didn't recognize any of her children. She must be deceased by now; I?ve never been able to find out.

Listen up Watchtower!You know and I know,how much damage casuality i have inflicted on your organization.After all of the willful abuse you have inflicted on my kin.

Lady Lee

Sunnygal I agree the potential to heal is great. Thanks for the bttt

REPOST: For those without mothers

Share this