Am I Codependent ? Now I'm a Bully?

by Jang 37 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LDH

  Jan,

  What the hell is so hard about admitting that you ADD people to your mailing list without their permission?!?! And that you shouldn't do it?!?!?

  Really, who gives a shit if you're Manic, OCD, Co-dependent, blah blah blah blah blah.

  I don't LIKE to get involved in these things, but you need to stop adding people to your list unless they request it immediately.

  Now, I've never gotten any unsolicited emails from you, but I am a little frustrated with this asshole Greg from Canada who continues to send me 'updates'. If your behavior is anything like his, it is INFURIATING.

  It is so obvious to neutral parties (me) that you are doing something that goes against EVERY bit of Netiquette there is.

  SHEEESH. We've had enough of shit being pushed down our throats!

  APOLOGIZE already, and be done with playing the martyr.

  Love,
  Lisa
• 

  Mommie Dark

  This is so HORRIBLE!!!

  Jan all you need do to silence your critics is to STOP SUBSCRIBING PEOPLE TO YOUR MAIL LISTS UNLESS THEY SPECIFICALLY REQUEST IT!!!!!!

  I said this to you the first time you did it to me. I said it when you somehow managed to sub me TWICE to your lists so I got triplicate copies of your every mail (thru your lists and the Observer list). I never ASKED to be subbed to your list. THE ONLY OTHER PEOPLE WHO EVER SUBBED ME UNSOLICITED WERE BORN-AGAIN FUNDIES! It took a series of angry emails to get you to take me off all your lists and KEEP me off. Since I never gave you permission to PUT me on any list, this chapped my ass pretty hard. As now, you blamed ME for a lack of patience when you didn't comply with my first requests.

  Every time someone tells you this FACT you whinge about your chronic fatigue and how it makes you muddleheaded. This non sequitur excuse is getting old. Lots of us have chronic ailments. AFAIK, you are the only one who uses yours as an excuse to violate netiquette repeatedly.

  Your message is not so vital or lifesaving that it raises you above the rules of common courtesy. Instead of saying 'sure, ok, I'll quit annoying folks by subscribing them uninvited,' you post your alleged test sessions 'proving' you're not mentally ill in the ways your angry victims have suggested. Yes your behavior IS passive-aggressive. I suspect you are well aware of that on some level but it serves your needs to deny it.

  I know you are sincere and you think you are doing a wonderful work. But shoving your work at folks uninvited is the height of rude, and excusing that behavior by suggesting that your victims are just being mean and unkind to a sick woman who is only trying to be helpful is, honestly Jan, just plain ludicrous. This is not meant as an insult to you. Consider it a plea for some of the empathy you insist others give to you.

  When a curmudgeon like Mommie D is sick of the infighting, it's gone too far. I can't imagine how sick at heart some of the board members must be feeling as they see this idiocy happening. If MY heart o' stone can be bruised by this anger, the tender ones must be in agony...

  This lends weight to my resolve to go back into permanent lurk mode. Some pleasures are just not worth the associated hassles...this place is rapidly becoming such.
• 

  Jang

  LDH

  If I add someone without their permission and they bring it to my attention the I apologise to them immediately and I remove them if that is what they want.

  Some who are making a fuss here are ones who were added and asked many times if they wanted to remain on the list over the last 2-3 years. I recieved no negatives during that time. When they did request to be removed, I did as I normally do, clarify whether they wanted to be removed totally, just from Jukes, JWNews etct. Most choose to stay on one or the other, and a few want off.

  If I had not asked them at all then I would apologise for it. But after three years of them being asked time and time again if they wanted to be on the list and they did not ask to be removed.

  sheesh....................

  JanG
  CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
  Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/
• 

  Jang

  MD

  At the time I had problems I was very ill and I was very forgetful!

  I was on high doses of cortisone, high doses of codiene and for goodness sake, one day during that time I even forgot my own address when asked!!

  It was not a bloody excuse it was fact!!

  Now, since I have got a little better I rarely have the problem.

  I admit, it did take me time to take you off .... it took me time to do a lot of things back then. I often worked in automatum mode. I apologised for it back then and have been apologising for it ever since.

  I am just not allowed to live it down and I am really fed up with it!
  This last episode has decided me that I will no longer allow the bullying and carry on about something that happend almost 18 months ago!

  So let it go and stop jumping on the bandwagon with everyone else unless you are so perfect yourself that you never have bad days and have never made a mistake.

  JanG
  CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
  Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/
• 

  LDH

  If I add someone without their permission and they bring it to my attention the I apologise to them immediately and I remove them if that is what they want.

  Jan, people either ASK to be added to your mailing list or they DON'T. You seem to think it is ok to add people without their permission, and then put the onus on them to be removed.

  SHEEESH JAN don't add anyone unless they request it! How simple can it be? No culling email headers for name that you think may benefit from your information. That is just NOT appropriate.

  Please stop defending yourself; I really don't dislike you at all, but this behavior is juvenile and has to stop.
• 

  Mommie Dark

  "So let it go and stop jumping on the bandwagon with everyone else unless you are so perfect yourself that you never have bad days and have never made a mistake."

  I never claimed perfection. That is a red herring, Jan AND YOU KNOW IT! I have NEVER harvested email addys and subscribed people unasked to any mail list. Spamming is NOT 'a mistake' Jan. You deliberately harvest addresses and subscribe people unasked. THAT is the issue, NOT whether I claim 'perfection.'

  I find it INCREDIBLE that you refuse to SEE the point that has been made here. I also find it incredible that you use your illnesses as an excuse for 'mental lapses' the way you do, but want to be taken seriously as a therapist and treated as an expert in the cult recovery field. If you aren't in full control of your faculties, give up trying to administer mail lists and be 'famous'. If you are fully compos mentis, LEARN from this and STOP the offending habit!

  I suggest if your health is genuinely so bad that you can't administer your lists in a courteous and timely manner, you stop doing so much and especially, to save a lot of grief, STOP SUBSCIBING PEOPLE TO YOUR LISTS WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION!!!

  It is NOT bullying to try to stop a nuisance from perpetuating itself repeatedly. Get a clue, hon. You ANNOY more than you do good with your tactics.

  A genuine professional would never have posted any of the defensive stuff you've trotted out in this thread. But then, a genuine professional wouldn't be trolling the internet for souls to save, either...

  Giving it up now,
  MD
  who never claimed to be more than 'just another onionhead'
• 

  Jang

  LDH

  I ask people!! I have a standard letter I send out to new names, letting them know who I am, about the different lists, and then another where i ask if they would like to receive the funnies, the JWNews, articles etc.

  If I take a name for another reason (I want to write them privately etc) it can get into an e-mail because I was not paying attention when I was tagging ...I have a huge address book and lots of notations beside names .....

  99.9999999999999999% of people simply let me know my error and are very gracious about it ...... If I have neglected to put a notation there I make sure it is done then so I just have the address if I need to contact someone ...e.g. Ray Franz.

  I then apologise for my neglect and that is that!

  VERY OCCASIONALLY I slip up and tag the wrong name ....

  Now I haven't taken your address because I have not had any need to write you privately ....but let's say I knew what area you lived in, and I had someone in that area who could do with some face to face support, or you had a website I may want to refer people to, I would then take your address and write you. I would then make a notation beside your address and hopefully will not be neglectful enough to add you to a mailout.

  If I am, as I said, a gracious note will make me be a little more careful in the future......and I would apologise

  JanG
  CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
  Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/
• 

  Seeker

  Steps to get along in the online universe:

  1. Never put someone on an email sub list unless they ask first to be put on the list.
  2. See step 1.
  3. Exceptions? See step 1.
  4. But what I have is important? See step 1.
• 

  Jang

  READ MY LIPS!

  I do not deliberately add people without asking!!!!!!

  I am human. I make mistakes. I slip up sometimes!

  Jus how many times do I have to apologize to these people.

  The same ones bring this up at least once a month, and have done so
  for the last 18 months - long after the problem was fixed. It has
  been nothing but a bullying campaign, with lots of gossip, attacks,
  slander and so on.

  Except for a short time when I was cognitively impaired, more than even I was willing to admit to myself, I have sent out a letter asking people if they want this. I know I missed some during that period, and as I said, just how many times do I have to apologize? That is like having to be eternally repentant in the Kingdome Hall .....Only worse!!!!!!!

  It is because of this I send out the following to EVERYONE on December 5th:

  I often send out jokes and news tidbits and you have probably been
  receiving these from me for some time. I certainly don't want to add "unwanted mail" to anyone's inbox. I just want to bring a smile to your face - if only for a brief moment. If you would rather not receive "yet another email message",please let me know and I'll stop sending them.

  This also applies to News I may send out regarding the group you were
  involved in or issues I believe may interest you. Please, do let me know if you do NOT wish to receive these also.

  Please, do reply and let me know .....

  Of all the 4500 people this was sent to, I recieved only 13 negative replies. I think that says it all.

  What is most interesting, I send this out to former members of many
  different spiritually abusive groups, and the only people who have
  carried on about a couple of mistakes, about 10 people out of about
  10,000 addresses so far, are ex-jws. (When I say 10,000 that is the
  number I have written to in the last 3 years about this). I
  currently have about 5000 on my address book. Not all are xjws, some
  are exmormons, exsdas, xscientologists, examway, exwhatevers plus
  friends, family, and numerous other contacts.

  I also go through my address book about once a month to check that I have written to people about this. (I make a notation against each name when I have done this). If I have missed anyone i send them a note .... and until I hear back from them they do not get any more e-mails from me.

  So Seeker4 just how many times should I have to apologize for
  mistakes made 18 months ago?

  JanG
  CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
  Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/
• 

  Seeker

  READ MY LIPS!

  I do not deliberately add people without asking!!!!!!

  Read my lips: Yes you do.

  Just by harvesting their email in order to ask them the question, you have violated rule #1 for online civility. Just don't do it. Period. No, really. Yes, I mean it. Never. Ever.

  You want to add to your email lists? Post something at the end of your messages inviting persons who have an interest to email you with a request to join. That would be fine. But if you harvest names, even just to ask them if they want to join a list, you have violated a univeral rule of conduct in the online world, and people will get mad. You want mad people, keep irritating them. You want to avoid mad people, stop emailing them without their permission.

  Jus how many times do I have to apologize to these people.

  Every single time you do it. I'm not talking about taking people off lists when they ask you to do it. I'm talking about not emaling people in the first place unless they request you to email them first.

  Ever.

  And I'm not Seeker4.