by patio34 29 Replies latest jw friends
Hi Pat,
Sorry to not get back to you sooner; I finished my last final two weeks ago and have been busy working (cough, cough) ever since. (Hey, it's not my fault my job puts me in front of a computer all day where I can get easily distracted by this board...) Anyhow, how's your life going? Has there been any good news on the daughter front? I hope so, for your sake and for your grandkids'.
Take care,
-Elisabeth
Hi Elisabeth,
Thanks for the thoughts--it's good to hear from you and that you're doing so well.
Things are better now. My daughter seems to have taken things seriously and is in a drug rehab class every day now. Her kids are back with her.
I went to my 1st Al-Anon meeting tonight (the irony of it--a Thursday nite meeting!) and it seems to offer a lot of support and ideas.
So, for now, the crisis is past. This thread was a lot of assistance and comfort.
Take care,
Pat
(((((((((patio))))))))))))))
I was wondering how things were going.....that's very positive news!!! Hang in there. You're a strong woman patio,I admire your strength.luv,Tina
Patio,
I have been away from the board...and so much is happening here, I can hardly keep up when I do get to read it. I was wondering your opinion of Al-Anon. I went when I was living with my first hubby, but I was so fresh from the org, I didn't accept all of their ideas. I know you are too, and I wanted to get your input.
There are many good thing, positive things they tell you there, but with the org thinking fresh, it is hard to accept sometimes. One good thing I learned was the serenity prayer....God grant me the ability to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference. Of course I no longer insert "god" in the quote...but I do still mumble that verse(often)
I may be young, but I have seen alot. I have been touched by alot of lives, or rather, I let other's lives touch me. You are one of those lives that has touched me. I know there is a distance between us, but I can understand what you are going through. I feel for you, and hope that, even though the day may not be a good one...you are content, no you should be happy. I want you to accept the things you cannot change, and enjoy those grandbabies, they need you so.
Much love and, happy thoughts sent your way.
love,
wendy
(((((((wendebel))))))))
I know you asked Patio about Al-Anon,but hope you dont mind if I chirp in a thought.:>
From my personal experience,al-anon is a program for living.
Once the chemical/substance/person is removed,a void needs to be filled. ANd then our old behaviors and ways of coping with the 'user' need to be unlearned,replaced with new attitudes and behaviors.
Part of the way Al-Anon helps is that we become rigorously honest-learn who and what we are and are not responsible for-new ways of stress management-talking openly and honestly about problems. We learn healthy 'detachment' to keep from enabling the recovering user.
Detachment is not denial,nor does it replace personal
responsibility.It means we dont deny there's a problem,and our lives and feelings will no longer be ruled by 'using' behavior.It is really unconditional love. You accept and care about the user without accepting or caring for the behavior.
New and more effective attitudes(when applied) create changed and more effective behaviors.
It's working from the inside out. People involved with users learn acceptance. Accepting that we dont pick up the pieces anymore, that we give up the illusion or mission that we have the power to fix/change anybody( but ourselves,),,,,about being supportive yet firm . I think thats the biggest challenge. That people involved with recovering ones understand that you can't change anyone,they do that themselves.
Sorry hun,I rambled...thanks for letting me share a few thoughts.Luv,Tina
Mommy and Tina,
Thanks so much for the edifying info and warm thoughts. It WAS hard, being fresh out of 'prison' to sit through their prayer (and in a Catholic Church facility too!). But I found the rest of the meeting refreshing and heartening. It's SO hard to deal with someone so out of control, and then to find others you can share with that have similar problems.
I couldn't stay for the whole meeting as I have a condition that often makes me sick in the evenings. So I'll be going to a daytime meeting from now on.
Tina, your good summation of Al-Anon seems to be what I found. The most important component for me is the detachment and recognizing I can only change me, not her. Plus, finding peace and contentment in my personal life.
It seems that it will be critical help. I'll go to one tomorrow.
In the past I went to the elders about similar situations and it was of NO help. After all, what can they possible know? They are not professionals.
Warm thoughts to you,
Pat
((((((((patio))))))))))
You're sounding 'up" !
Yanno the prayer at the end bothered me too. So all I did was stand out of respect.No one ever asked why. They pretty much adhere to live and let live.
Essentially,I ignored the ending prayer cuz there is so much to get out of the rest of the meeting. :> They've got mtgs for the agnostic/atheist too, But that's something for later-the important thing is you found one accesible to you. I think of it like a meal patio, I eat the meat and veggies(main mtg) but skip the desert(prayer) lol
And that's perfectly OK...Wishing you continued strength and I know you will find a nicer 'sparkling' middle place. If you want to ask about it,vent,or just get a hug and encouragement,my addy is [email protected] luv always,Tina
ADDENDUM-I for got to mention,once you see the mtg is about to end,you can leave before they do that prayer thing. I did that many times. T
Hi Pat,
I just saw this thread and had to respond. I wanted to add my
(((((((HUGS))))))))))) and tell you how glad I am that things are looking up.
Both of my sisters have attended Al-anon for about 2 years on and off. One of them is a recovering alchoholic and should really be in AA but she is uncomfortable at the meetings she says because they're predominantly male in membership (at least around here) and she's a very small female.
My oldest sister Claire has been helped immensely by Al-anon, I think that its the only reason that she has any moments of clarity at all in her JW clouded existence.
My father drank a lot when I was young, and many in my family have 'dry drunk' behaviours in addition to the fact that my second sister Jessica was a full blown alchoholic by the age of sixteen. She has been 'sober' from alchohol for 3 years but...I believe that she has been mixing over the counter and prescription drugs. She is finally seeing a doctor for anxiety now and I hope that will get her on the right road. Last time I saw her (at the hospital while watching over my Dad in ICU) she was not making any sense.
She was convinced that someone had tapped her phone, that her neighbors are spying on her, that the government was tracking her activity over the internet (totally paranoid). I haven't spoken to her since we left town to see my MIL in the hospital...and frankly right now I am trying to find the energy to deal with her on top of everything else and not quite finding it. Her husband is looking after her, I'm sure. I asked him to take her straight to her psychiatrist that day.
I hope that you find Al-anon helpful..I'm betting that you will. I've never been there myself (I don't like group activities, believe it or not for all my rambling online I actually am a very private person in daily life) but I know it has done wonders for my sisters.
Please keep us posted and know that I'm sending all the good thoughts I can your way. Your grandkids will thank you one day for all that you've done to keep them safe.
*hugs*
Essie
Patio,
I think the Al Anon meetings can be useful because you are with people going through similiar experiences. Just like this board, you can share your "experience, strength, and hope", as they say. If in a meeting, you share your story, you will be greated with support, just like here. Might make some good friends along the way, as well.
Hey Pat!
Glad your venture into the *non-jw world of meetings* went well. When I was in the Rape/Incest Therepy group, they used to hold hands and pray at the end of each meeting.
Something like "God give me the grace......." Being a jw, I didn't join in, but did stand and hold hands.
Now, not being much of any religious thought, I'd probably do the same thing. Didn't care for it then - don't think I'd care for it now.
Personally, I don't see why they have to bring God into it. I think the groups should make all kinds of people comfortable. I told the therepist that, she just shrugged it off. She was a recovering alcoholic also, btw.
I'm also very glad to hear that your daughter is doing better - and so are you.
waiting
