by nb-dfed 36 Replies latest jw experiences
Welcome. Since I was already DF'd once, I KNEW not to meet with the judicial committee again. If I didn't meet with them -- then they couldn't DF me -- I walked away quietly.
There are some family members that do not speak to me. I was told that when I "married" my father would welcome me back in (as opposed to living with my guy). Um, yeah AS IF. I have adopted the f*&% you attitude. Maybe that masks the pain, but it gets me by.
Purza
I love reading everyone's posts - it's a good reminder to me that I'm not alone and there are others out there that understand completely.
To answer your question - at first it hurt a lot. I wanted so much to be a part of my family and for them to be proud of me. But in time I realized that was never going to happen no matter how nice I was to them or how much I tried to help them out - they would take my help but still not "accept" me because I was DF'd.
To be honest, it has only been in the past year that I really was able to let go of my old family - and I've been DF'd for about 14 years. It took a particular incident that happened last year for me to see just how unchristian and selfish my old family was - and I realized that God had already replaced them with this new wonderful nuclear family I have (hubby and my kids).
Now I just thank him for those people in my life that are so great to me and I look forward to my new family growing over the years.
Sometimes family is what you make it and not what you're born with. It takes time to mend the wounds and grow - but it's not all bad. Things like this can be seen as opportunities - an opportunity to build a support group that REALLY loves you and an opportunity to become a stronger and vibrant person free of those individuals that would weigh you down and keep the real you from shining through.
Welcome! Unfortunately the society has its talons sunk deeply into your psyche and will never let go. Its death grip is as strong as the jaws on a mastif bitch protecting its young and you are the hypothetical enemy that threatens the brood. The poor defenseless r&f cannot be exposed to the evil that you harbor, the evil of maintaining your freedom to chose what you believe and how you demonstrate that belief. You will have to build a new "family" unfortunately, unless circumstances in the borg turn even more sour soon and there is a mass exudus. When pigs fly!
sorry i can't be more encouraging.
carmel, who's been there and done that
Welcome to the 'Boss' apostate board.
http://www.lawfulmoney.com/nlm/_discjw/00000003.htm
"I am now destined to be that hidden family member, hidden from view, treated as though I don't even exist. This is what I have had to come to terms with."
Sheesh!!!
When I was at my oldest sisters' funeral in '97 - the JW fella whut gave the 'talk', didn't even know she had existed. She dropped out and became a hermit-at-home. No one ever saw her. Not even me, when I visited there.
Anyway... he could only say things like... "I was told, she did so-and-so...", etc.
When he walked up and met me - I introduced myself, and he said... "Another _insert last name_?" *puzzled look*
I just laughed and replied, "My mom neglected to tell you about me, too - didn't she?"
I think he almost asked... or it was in his face... "Are there any others?"
hahahahahahahaha
Oh well. I have the best revenge. I live well.
Regards,
Jim TX
You cry, but, you stand your ground, because no one has a right to tell you what you should believe. I told my family that I would leave the final decision in "Jehovah's" hands at Armaggedon, if it came to that. It's been over 5 going on 6 for me. I'm DF'd. They wanted me to stop doing what I was doing, and I told them I had no desire to stop living my life the way I was living it. It was over in about 15 minutes.
Terri
Hi nb-dfed - welcome to the board...
I'm a newbie too, and have found some comfort here in the arms of my disgraced brethren!! Regarding your comments...
I've thought about going back just to be reinstated and then stop going
I had someone suggest that to me, when I was first DF'd. My point of view here - take it as you will.... 'doing that would be hypocritical, and a waste of time'. At the end of the day, they've unjustly judged, and sentenced you, to exhile. What makes you think they wouldn't do exactly the same thing again ?? Is it really worth putting yourself, your family, and your 'dub' relatives through all this elation, and ultimately, heartache ???
As regards coping, I guess I'm lucky that my Mum is quite level headed when it comes to spending time with me, although I do suffer every time the jibes about going back to the borg!! I guess for every blessing there is a price to pay **Big Sigh**
Stick around, and get the help and encouragement you need. IMHO, giving your family false hopes of you remaining in the borg would only prolong the pain!
((((((Big DF'd Hug!!!!)))))
You are definitely right. After consideration, I knew it would be against all my morals and values to get reinstated just to see my fam. I would feel hypocritical, and I just can't live with that on my conscience. It's getting easier daily and I know I will be okay, with or without 'em.
I was not a vocal former Witness until the Witness people started to shun me. At first I was sad but that only lasted a short time. Then I was angry but that only lasted a short time too. Then I became glad and that has lasted a long time.
I am a pretty decent human. I have intelligence and wit and a sense of humor and I am fun to be around. For people to be allowed to be around me, they have to EARN the right. They earn the right by being nice and treating me and people who are important to me nice. Other former Witnesses are important to me.
People who shun and snub me have LOST their privilege of associating with me. By shunning me they have incurred a debt with me and I am making it due and payable. Until they pay up they are in default. The way they pay is to make amends, and change their behaviors. No deals, no weasel words, no excuses.
I will not contact them and they have lost their privilege of contacting me.
If they shun me, that is noted and charged. If they snub me, then they will be snubbed by me until they die.
Witness shunning and snubbing has been a gift to my family. I sincerely hope it never stops. We are much better off without them with their conditional rapport and their arrogant attitudes. I have a new grandson. They don't get to see him and play with him. Their loss, not mine.
Thanks Witnesses. Please never stop shunning me. :-) GaryB
garybuss:
That has got to be the most up beat and positive way of looking at this 'shunning' crap that I have heard.
Excellent posting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
