Growing up a Gay JW

ScoobySnax

That for me was just about the hardest thing to deal with growing up. My mum was a Witness, my dad never was. Many times my mum would struggle to get my sister and me on a bus to get to the KH when we were little kids, despite suffering from nerves herself, without Dads help. I'm always grateful to her for that as I saw the sacrifices she made now I look back.

What tore me apart was trying to be the good JW I wanted to be, yet fighting against that which I was, I got baptised in 1987, at 17 years of age, thinking it might go away, but it didn't. I remember sitting in a stadium in the baptism section by myself (ie. no family with me) and opening my Bible and a note fluttering out from my mum which said "I'm so proud of you today for making this step.......always remember sometimes you might take one step forward, but two steps back......but know that I am proud of you" Mum was too ill to be there with me, but I really tried to live up to what I was about to do.

I didn't get far, I did have lots of support from the congregation, but other needs and desires took place, by the time 1991 arrived I was in my first relationship, I could no longer go to the meetings in good faith, I felt like a hypocrite, and I was worried about bringing Jehovah's name into disrepute as I'd read so many times before. (and I really did feel that way) i had to drift away. and I did.

A few relationships later (of which I even tried to Witness too, and had some success! in that they listened and went to the assemblies with me) I've reached where I am today. Its strange that my mum, whilst inactive, was the one to support me about being gay, even today, yet my dad who never was won't even discuss the issue. He's a "man's man" and I think can't believe that 2 men could possibly get up to all that nonscense. So its not even said whilst he's around. Despite that we are still a close family, and I am grateful for that.

I've mentioned several times before that I still miss the Witness faith, and its because maybe despite it being really tough for me growing up personally, I never experienced total exlusion. I just faded.

Well I'm rambling, but , well thats a bit of the story.

Scoob

Celtic

You awright mate?

ScoobySnax

lol yes Mark, I'm ok! Thanks.

I was just trying to explain how it was for me. Thats all.

Scoob

Special K

From what I'm hearing you say scooby snaxs is .

1. You have a good thing that you keep in your back pocket. Your Mom. She supports you gay or not and accepts you for who you are. That's a gift.

2. You were never excluded from the J.W.s but yet on the other hand they will never accept you as being gay. Sad...but that is one of their adamant rules. Scooby Snax I dont think there beliefs in relation to the subject of accepting gay persons will ever change.

3. Your Dad is accepting of you but only if you never mention or discuss that you are gay.

All I can say is we all try to blaze our own paths in life and sometimes there are ones that won't like us or love us no matter what we do or say. But you know, I personally like to think that those people in the minority.

(((Scooby Snax) I accept you for who you are at this moment in time. No more no less .. just you.

sincerely

Special K

talesin

Scooby,

You have had a rough go. I'm glad you are hanging in there. It's impossible for me to understand what you are going through. I have no advice for you, just my empathy and a big cyber-hug. My friend Mark, had the same dilemna when we were teen pioneers together, only he did not survive. None of us knew what he was going through till they found his suicide note.

Please know that you are in my thoughts often, I care about you, little bro'! You will figure it out, you're a good man, don't ever believe differently.

xo

talesin

ScoobySnax

<<Special K>> And <<<<<<Talesin>>>>>> Thanks for that.

We all do try to blaze our own paths.....I'm trying to blaze mine. We're all just people here behind a screen on a keyboard, no-one knows us like they maybe should. Its good to have nice words.

Be Good.

jst2laws

Scooby,

In the Jw world you are rather like a pork sausage at a Jewish picnic. But you are what you are and that is not good/bad nor right/wrong.

You will be much more settled with your self once you refuse to let others judge or condemn for what you are. You are OK. Accept that, and sympathize and work with those who have not grown enough to appreciate you as you are.

Jst2laws

ScoobySnax

or maybe a Beefsteak at a Hindu wedding.......lol. I get your point though Jst2.

I don't intentionaly let others judge me, it just seems that they do sometimes. Sometimes its not easy to sympathise with those who want to tell you that you're wrong though.

My biggest fight anyway has been not with others, rather myself. Thats the tough one. Its a killer. It eats you alive.

Its about acceptance like you said. and thanks for that, I hear you.

Scoob

stichione

That was a very touching account of important events in your life. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Satanus

I hope that you don't still think that it's wrong to be what you are. To try to be something else would be against nature, perversion, really.

I recently read a book about a boy whos peepee was accidentally burned off in a botched circumcision. The decision was made to make him a girl. And so, they did the operation, and raised him as a girl, using hormone therapy later on. All of this didn't work, though. He was still a hetero man, and he eventually got married, even as he was. Here is a link to a longer article on this: http://www.rense.com/general52/weww.htm There is also a book.

Anyways, his nature was at a certain setting, and yours is a different nature. I say, respect it, and that whatever higher power there is in the universe respects. Those sheepherder standards that the jws hold to are from an imaginary tribal anthropomorphic figment, nothing more, nothing to worry about.

SS

Growing up a Gay JW

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