Scooby,
The question is not whether anyone else can accept your homosexuality. Apparently some of us can. The question is whether you can.
Growing up a Gay JW
by ScoobySnax 23 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Satanus
Scoob
Ps, my apologies to those who believe in that figment. If you believe in it, then you need to get some answers from it, i suppose.
SS
-
Scully
Scooby:
I know you are familiar with the phrase: "unconditional positive regard".
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to have unconditional positive regard for oneself. We offer it and give it wholeheartedly to everyone else, but somehow do not have the capacity to give it to ourselves. This is one of the tasks we have to learn in life, and stop worrying about whether we're good enough for other people. We are good enough.
Love, Scully
-
Corvin
Scoob, I had no idea that you were gay . . . and it doesn't matter . . . and the JW organization is so ill-equipped to deal effectively and lovingly with the many many gay individuals in the congregations. Their approach does not work because it is the most insideous version of don't ask - don't tell. They have no empathy or insight to offer. They want you to ignore your sexuality and pretend it isn't there which only intensifies the desire. The amps get turned way up when you have to suppress things. I am glad you got out, and I hope you are happy.
Corvin
-
new light
((((scoob))))
Thanks for sharing such personal information, Scooby. I know I'm just some bloke typing from across the pond, but now it seems clearer why you feel torn in two directions. The WT instilled a bunch of nasty guilt in you over your sexual orientation. You probably feel you are to blame, that there is something wrong with you, that you don't meet Jehovah's standards.
Let's drop all the Old Testament rap and all the homophobic ramblings from Paul. Assuming that God does exist, he made you (and millions of others) the way you are. All he wants you to do is reflect his unconditional love onto the world. Homosexuality is not a conscious choice, it is in the DNA, it is completely natural. Many of the most amazing, concerned, caring, active, loving people I have met/read about are openly gay. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. THE FAULT LIES WITH THE BIASED, HATEFUL TEACHINGS OF THE BIBLE AND THE JWS.
Easier said than done, I know. Please, Scooby, think about this. If you walk around feeling guilty or inadequate, the borg wins, and they don't deserve that because they are wrong. They absolutely do not have the kind of love that would please god (sorry, still atheist). It sounds as if your mum will still love you. Mine does in spite of my leaving, and it means a lot.
Once you leave the mental prison so lovingly built for you by the WTS, the healing can really begin. You've got to pick a direction, Scooby, at least for your own sanity. The stress of deliberating is not healthy. We all know the WTS is the wrong way, especially for someone of your disposition. Choose life.
-
shotgun
Scooby
I can't imagine the pain and inner turmoil someone who is gay goes through while being a witness. Every meeting or almost every meeting the evils of homosexuality are used to condemn people and other religions. You had to sit through that and at the time live with the guilt that the WT heaped on you.
In the end you ended up being true to yourself and who you are,certainly not a chosen lifestyle it's who you are and who you have always been.
I bet a longer account of your Gay jw life would be a very interesting read with all the emotions and situations you dealt with.
Your mom sounds like she loves you too no matter what the WT says...gotta love that.
Here's a joke for you ...it's about unconditional love
A gay man decided he could no longer hide his sexuality from his family, he went to their house and found his mother cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table let out a big sigh and said'' Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay''
His mother made no reply or gave any response, he was about to repeat himself to make sure she heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring said calmly, '' Your gay. Doesn't that mean you put other mens penises in your mouth?
The guy said nervously,'' Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right''
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled and whacked him on the head with her spoon and said,'' Don't you ever complain about my cooking again!!''
-
CountryGuy
Hey Scoob,
Being a teenager was tough. Being a JW teenage was even tougher. But being a gay, JW teenager was almost more than I could take.
I know what you're going through. Everything is one more "Maybe this will work and 'cure' me." Because we all know that Jehovah will lighten our load if we throw it upon him... or some sort of WT phrasing like that. If I get baptised, maybe that will work. If I aux. poineer this month, maybe that will work. If I regular pioneer, maybe that will work. If I become a MS, maybe that will work. If I marry Sister So-and-so, maybe that will work... but none of them do. And they don't work for the simple fact that God doesn't care whether or not you are gay, straight, bisexual or asexual. You are who you are meant to be.
Honestly, you will never feel whole until you get rid of the WT drivel that was pounded into our heads about homosexuality. And, I KNOW it's easier to say it than to do it. But you have to work through those 'demons' on your own terms and in your own way. I would still be carrying around all that baggage if it weren't for this, and other, boards. If you ever need an ear to listen, please feel free to PM me.
CountryGuy
-
gold_morning
Scooby,...PLEASE READ THIS...PLEASE
Right now I don't even know if I will be very sorry for posting this. Something was so touched inside of me I just had to say this. Tears are pouring down my face as I am typing at this keyboard.
Like some said here....they don't try to understand what you are feeling, but they love and accept you. I am probably the closest of anyone here who is "straight" that could possible understand the hurt, quilt, terror and anguish of what it is to spend a lifetime trying to makepretend you are what you are not.
You see scooby......my marriage just ended because my husband hid the fact he was gay. Because he could not be truthful, loving and honest as you are.....I paid a price of the most intense hurt you can imagine. It rivaled the hurt of being shunned I experienced years ago from the org. I was rejected by my husband and could not understand what I had done to be neglected so badly.
I was the typical JW female who married young and after I divorced I spent the rest of my life single until 4 years ago. Five years ago I became Christain and met a christian man. He wanted to marry me and I thought I had been truly blessed. But he had deceived me into believing he was something he was not. He thought thru me he could be what he wished he was. I spent 4 of the saddest years of my life. It shook my faith....tore my heart apart and left me not able to feel safe to trust. Yet... despite all that pain....I hurt as much, if not more for what he was going thru. I saw him beg me for forgiveness.. I saw it shake his faith. I saw him feel ashamed and regret deeply what he had done to me.
He tells me that I was the best wife a man could have wanted and that I was his best friend and it was his fault. He says he didn't mean to hurt and deceive me and is so very sorry. I do believe him... I really do. I am divorced now and he moved back to Florida. Scooby, I pray that he sees......IT IS NOT WHO HE IS.... but what was wrong is that he deceived me to make himself feel better and lived closeted. I am proud you had the strength to not do that to another person and work on carving a life out for yourself. There are choices you need to feel good about, and it is between you and God...ONLY!! No one should judge you. We should all have tremendous love and understanding for oneanother. God help us!!!!..... I think we will all need that kind of love and understanding when we are before God.
I can't tell you the love I feel for you right now.....you are a person who has a good heart and a love for God. Pray Scooby to understand that God loves us and wants us very much. Don't close the door for yourself with you and God. Please. He came to save the world.... not condem it. He came for ALL MEN to come to HIM.
I supose I will recover.... just like I fought to recover from being a JW. But the gist of what I am saying is this. I saw his pain....from hiding. He was not some evil monster. We all hurt from many things. I just wanted you to know that I understand and feel every word you wrote as I saw my now ex-husband live it and I lived it thru him.
Gosh... I am going to be sorry for admiting this ... so I better blow my nose stop crying and hit the submit button now before I chicken out.
agape love Gold_morning
-
bikerchic
((((((Scooby)))))
The first gay person I knew was my brother in law. He was a wonderful sensitive guy and I liked him a lot. Sadly he was one of the first victims of Aids and died way too early.
The next gay person I got to know was my room mate right after I had left my X. He was also a very sensitive guy and I learned a lot from him about acceptance of who we are and how we deal with it. He helped me to see beyond the WTS when I was struggling with my decision or indecision to totally leave or not. He knew about struggles! He was a great teacher!
new light said:
Let's drop all the Old Testament rap and all the homophobic ramblings from Paul. Assuming that God does exist, he made you (and millions of others) the way you are. All he wants you to do is reflect his unconditional love onto the world.
I've dropped the Old Testament heck the whole Bible as being God's word for us to live by, but IF I do believe in God, I do believe that IF he created us, he knows exactly what we are and what we are capable of and it wouldn't be right for him to expect us to be or act any differently than how he created us to be. Does that make sense? It does to me!
Scoob, I love ya for who you are and my wish for you is that you come to peace with what IS because what is is that you are a great guy!
Thanks for writing a bit about you, I enjoyed reading and learning more about you Scooby.
Kate
-
Nosferatu
Hello Scooby! Thank you for posting this, as it helps me understand you a bit more. You were incredibly lucky to have a mother who was actually supportive of you being gay, even though she was a JW. That speaks loud amounts for your mother, since she obviously displayed that she cared more about you than the WTS. Good for her!
It really sounds like you've seen the complete opposite of what many other people on this site have seen: a good JW (your mother), an evil worldly person (your dad), just as the WTS has described how things work. I can see how much more attractive the WTS can seem to you, since what you've experienced reflects what they teach. Very interesting!
As for your father not wanting to discuss the subject of you being gay, I can somewhat relate. My father doesn't like it when reality slaps him in the face. He hates the fact that I'm getting married next month. Whenever the subject of the wedding comes up in my parents' house, he leaves the room. He has never asked how the wedding plans are going, if I need help, etc etc. Actually, shortly after I got engaged, he offered me $5000 to hold off the wedding for a year (I would have never seen it, it was an empty bribe). Imagine someone promising you $5000 if you stopped being gay!
With people like this, I've found it useful to take what they say with little seriousness. Even better, I laugh at it. It's amusing when people do stupid things to try and control what you do! Just like the WTS threatens people with "Paradise Earth".
Those are my thoughts on the subject.