My friend's i need your help more then ever.

kls

I asked my husband for a divorce yesterday. After he threw a plate full of food and a cup of coffee it went pretty well, especially after he left, but came back four hrs. later.

I have pretty hard questions i need your help with ,the first is what do i say when he keeps telling me that he leaves me alone a jws?

Second is, he keeps asking what is does that is so bad being a jw? He does attend family funtions but you can see the wheels of the watchtower turning in his head.

Third is, what do i say when he askes what is the difference if i was a different religion?

I have so many questions to ask but i will just start here.

blondie

My question, dear kls, is what is your relationship like apart from the religion thing? Hmmm?

I can remember an older couple I knew, she was a JW, he wasn't. But a more loving couple I couldn't find. They laughed and told me that when she became a JW, he left her and their child. He was gone for about 6 months and then asked to come back. He decided that sharing her with the WTS was better than not being with her and their child.

He smoked and swore and was gruff around the edges, declared he was an atheist but showed everyday how ne valued even the smallest life.

They were married for 55 years until he died.

So....long story over....what do you and your hubbie have in common outside the religious thing?

Blondie ((hugs)

copsec

KLS,

A BIG HUG to you! I have been in your shoes and I know it's hard now but it WILL get better. PM me if you want and we can talk.

Markfromcali

Just say what you truly feel.

This is about you and him, not what other people say about how things are - even your ex-JW friends. So really the truth about the JWs isn't even that important here, the central issue is your relationship. Don't worry about whether you say all the 'right' things, just be honest.

iiz2cool

I don't know what your relationship is like, or your reasons for wanting a divorce, but his throwing plates of food and coffee sounds bad. Does he do that sort of thing often? Are you in any physical danger? If so, be prepared to go to a shelter.

My marriage broke up a few months ago too. We had some problems with intimacy that could possibly have been worked out with counselling. Also, my wife always treated me as though I was inferior because I spent less time in service than her, or because I didn't look up every scripture when I prepared the watchtower. Things got worse when I DA'd. Now I was evil because I no longer believed in the religion. A day didn't go by without her harping on it, or trying to get me to talk to elders. Once I was out of the JWs we had nothing more in common.

Do you think counselling would help save your marriage? It can't hurt to try it.

In leaving a marriage you may be leaving a set of problems behind, but be prepared to encounter new ones, some unexpected.

I wish you all the best

Walter

FlyingHighNow

KLS, hugs. I've been through the divorce thing.

Your questions need to be worded more clearly. I don't understand most of what you are asking. Please edit them so they make clear sense. I'll check back later.

Flyin'

simplesally

We had a many elderly sisters in the hall with unbelieving mates and great marriages. Every Sunday night, one husband picked his wife up at the hall to take her to dinner. They were regulars at a certain Mexican Restaurant. We had one unbelieving husband bring his fragile wife to every meeting and every gathering, never leaving her side and even making the Tira Misu himself. He said he would never ever be a JW but he just wanted to be with his wife as much as possible. He didn't sing the songs, didn't say the prayer, he just enjoyed the fellowship of his wife and her friends.

You might be the person who is angry that he is not leaving. You might expect him to stop because you have stopped.

Walter said his relationship might have been salvaged if they had sought counseling. I sought counseling with my first ex and while he stayed away from drugs, we got along pretty darn good. I think had my 2nd husband and I sought counseling way before we divorced, we might have had a chance to not do the damage that we did to each other.

TrailBlazer04

kls,

I don't understand the issues b/c I'm a "never was"...so...here's a (((((((((((hug)))))))))) and you'll be in my thoughts.

TB

roybatty

Third is, what do i say when he askes what is the difference if i was a different religion?

It's really up to the two people involved. Also, there is a HUGE difference between an ex-Jw and JW being married and a JW and "unbeliever" being married.

My ex and I were both raised as diehard JWs. When I decided to step down as an elder, leave the Watchtower and start investingating other religions, she thought (and treated me) like Judas. What bothered me was she was doing what the WT instructed her to do. It wasn't a "personality trait" she could adjust. She view me as an "evil apostate", someone who God hated and would soon destroy. How could you live with someone like that?

We both had valid points. She married a JW and that's the life she wanted. I no longer believed in the JW religion and thought little of those who in that religion. Looking back, we were both pretty stubborn. We each did "childish" things. She snitched on me (told the elders I had joined the Y, had "apostate" lit. etc,), she told the kids not to pray with me. I, of course, told the kids how wrong the JW's are and how wacking their beliefs were. It's kind of odd, other then religion, we didn't have any differences. So I have to say, religious differences is usually not a big problem in today's marriages unless it's a religion like JW, Judiasm, Mormon, etc. Anyway, she saw a lawyer and filed for divorce. That was almost 4 years ago. Wow.

Ironicly, she's really, REALLY lightened up as a JW. Attends the meetings but isn't as zealous in the door to door work. I also, have lightened up. I don't see a need to teach the kids "anti-JW" stuff. Instead we attend church and I'll leave it up to them to choose. We'll never get back together....waaaaaaay beyond point but for the last 3 years we've gotten along just fine. It does get easier with time.

I do believe my ex and I made the right decision. She couldn't live in a house where Christmas is celibrated, where "worldly" people come to visit and religion is a minor topic. On the other hand, I couldn't live in a house with WT magazines all over the place, elder visits and having the speaker over for lunch (gag!). But before you throw your marriage away, really, REALLY take a close look at everything. Think about the long term impact on both your lives and the lives of any children involved. Our two kids were a very important issue. That's why she bought a house two streets away. While it's "weird" for the two of us to live so close together, it is good for the kids.

kls

Blondie that couple are very lucky but it is not just jws , i am tired of being called F--B--, that is a name i have had for thirty years, i am tired of getting snapped at bitched at. He made sure when the kids were growing up he was never home, gone seven days a week, I have stayed home to raise my kids and when i told him many times i wanted to work outside the home he would tell me " what can you do you can't do anything and if you do find work you will only get minimum wage, you will never make the money i do ". There is so much ,basically mental abuse , i am scared but i want a real life with a person that has their own mind not a person that gets their personality from a magazine. I want them to use my name not F-B.

There was post on here sometime ago about people who whin about their life but don't do anything about it and that really hit me . I don't want to get older living the life i have now. My kids are all grown with one still home but he is 20.

My friend's i need your help more then ever.

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