by Celtic 27 Replies latest jw friends
I don't think I'll be listened to any more, my story is not worth telling, it is too complex, it causes me too much sadness to try to relate it, too much shame and too much internal pain. Am I the only one that feels that they have given up trying to communicate their feelings here anymore? Like my personality is a sham, I do my best to cope, to be happy, to be this cantankerous old sod that tries to make out to everyone I'm doing well, but ....
Anyone?
Whatever happened to a life filled with family, normality and love? ....
((((Celtic)))) I haven't been on the forum long. and I have told my story slowly and in bits and pieces. That has helped me, I'd like to have someone listen to the whole spill but I couldn't do that to anyone. Believe me I am not taking your feelings lightly if I can help in any way I listen real good. Umm I do tend to be rather chatty too. But I feel your sadness, sometimes we just need to know someone is listening. Shame is such a painful/numbing expierience. I work with children and you can see the affect on them if someone just says "what did you do" so any extended time with shame is so hard to live over. You have picked me up several times when I felt down. So if not I then hopefully someone will do that for you.
bem((()))
Celtic,
yes there are others who feel as you do and can identify with your thoughts and feelings.Seems many of us here have alot that we could tell about our trial and woes.And I think that we all just let out little bits of it at a time.
You have alot of wonderful humor that picks up others. I hope that though your feeling down right now that things will turn around.
P.s. sorry i left chat i had company.
Celtic, you have so much "soul" and your story is very much worth telling regardless how complex - others may benefit from hearing it, and may have experienced some of the things you have along the way.
Feelings can be so fleeting or so controlling - I'm sure many feel there is no sense in trying to express them. But for those who are comfortable with talking about their feelings and able to communicate them clearly, why not?
Many people are willing to offer a listening ear, and if welcomed, a suggestion or two. Are people usually as willing to accept this help? Often not. And maybe it can be a little discouraging to see no apparent progress on our own part or on the part of a friend who has been in pain but who seems to continue on in the same patterns that seem to cause or at least perpetuate the problems.
But I for one feel you can continue to express your feelings here and privately to those closest to you. And I know that "normal family life and love" are abundant in the world, but this is a most difficult world, and relationships are complex, and so they often require a lot of sacrifice to maintain.
We have to be willing to accept some of the compromises and sacrifices, right? I'm sure you do this too.
(((((Celtic)))))
Tis fine and thank you. I'm going to do what I know is best, go to bed, curl up in a ball and cry and pray and hopefully feel better tomorrow. But for now, I just want to curl up into a ball, I know some of you will understand this and no doubt when I come back tomorrow to read more, you'll all make me go 'Awwwwwww', as you often do, you're all such a very special kind of people. G'night. Hugs to you all.
Hang in there Celtic, we all have our own demons to contend with. A good rest does wonders. Just remember, your not alone. Have you seen a good comedy movie lately?
Guest 77
Whatever happened to a life filled with family, normality and love? ....
It never existed! If you look at other families, and look deep into them, you won't find normality, family closeness isn't completely there, and there will be a definate lack of love somewhere. The idea of a perfect family with all the elements you mentioned is a fairytale.
If you want examples, I'll tell you my life story.
I don't think I'll be listened to any more, my story is not worth telling
you know honestly, i think you get the benefit from the telling, expressing your feelings, regardless of who listens, or whether you think it's worth to tell, even if you jsut write 'aaaaaaarggggggghhhhhhhhh', it's expressed something, and i think that benefits you, more so when you actually realise that you can get the same benefit (or more) from expressing yourself in different ways, in your work or hobby or music or writing, this you can do in private or in public, and because of this, whether you feel it 'worth telling' is no longer an issue, because you can tell it in words, write it all down and never post it if you so choose, and probably get the same, if not or more benefit, because you will have controlled it. anyway, i don't mind listening and talking if you ever feel like going into it.
Am I the only one that feels that they have given up trying to communicate their feelings here anymore?
no, you're not the only one... i don't communicate my feelings very much at all, on here or in real life, but i let my torment out in different ways, writing, music, and other things, when i was flat broke and so low, so low i can't even put it into words, i had a P133 computer, and would sit and write, hundreds and hundreds of pages i used to write, just expressing myself, for a few years, and even to some extent today, i could fill a book with it, but it doesn't get shared because it's my private story, you know, snapshots of personal development... i think we develop a great deal when we discover the most effective ways of expressing ourselves, for ourselves, and i think if you document this, you can chart how you have developed, like if i read back through things i was writing back in 1996, 1997, 1998, compared to 2003, 2004, i can see that i have grown, but it will only ever be me who knows the full extent of how much, and have it documented, some things are way too personal to share, but they can still be expressed! had i not done that, i would have probably blasted myself already. anyway that's my 2p are you going to that apostafest that is happening in the uk? i've heard there is one going on soon and may be able to make it.
Celtic I am so sorry you are having a bad day....(I kinda know how you feel,seems like I had a bad week)...Time does heal.
...I think your story is just as important as everybody else here. And you never know what your experience may do for another reader. Even if you share it in bits and pieces....that is part of the "healing process". You can see what "was" and now go on to what "is"....Your past is valuable and a great teacher for you and others.
WE all have a story to tell....we all learn from one another. That is one of the reasons that kept me reading this site, was the personal experiences, to know, that I am not alone in feeling the way I do.
I hope you arise feeling much better and know that there are many here that care about you.
hugs,
CodeBlue
