by minimus 47 Replies latest jw friends
"A guilt-ridden convert who never quite got the secret handshake down"
LOL...DanTheMan....Isn't that the truth!!! I always felt like such a misfit when I was a JW, never quite fitting in and couldn't figure out why.
I was a "true blue" believer, didn't lead a double life, would have died for my beliefs (came close with the blood issue), but I was considered "weak". Service was an ordeal for me and so was public speaking, so I got the "spiritually weak" label slapped on me.
Hapgood
Flyin', I'm glad you never littered! Whew! So what do you do now that's d'fing material, toots?.....
Hey, I STILL don't litter. And well, just use your imagination.
Flyin'
I would say a staunch, die-hard JW, a good example.
Lately.... discouraged, lost, angry disgruntled, annoyed, disillusioned,disheartened, frustrated. I could go on.
The first time I realized that they were not pefect was when a JW stabbed me in the back
You mean you were stumbled? *ducking for cover*
Raised in the truth and always lived on the edge. Was the perfect elders daughter, whole double life and all, boys smoking drinking. Got Baptised at 17, was the ideal witness for about 6 months. Went down hill for the next 13 years and am now disfellowshipped.
I was born and raised in ?the truth? for 37 years. I was a good person?never hurt anyone in any way, never involved with drugs, stealing, cheating, wild partying, or anything like that, and never wanted to.
However, I used to smoke on and off. I would buy a pack of cigarettes, usually smoke a few here and there, and then get disgusted with myself and throw away the last half of the pack. I would tell myself that I was ?calming my nerves.? (My uncle, who was in ?the truth? but had problems and became somewhat weak, started smoking after he was advised to by his psychiatrist. He was never actually disfellowshipped, but also never shunned in any way by my family.) I thought smoking was really amusing. (I used to love watching my aunts smoke like chimneys.)
Once I tried smoking an ordinary joint, in grade 7, but I didn?t seem to get any effect from it because I don?t think I smoked it properly. (I can?t even do anything wrong right!)
Pretty well all my life, I?ve had kind of kinky fantasies. (I won?t go into it here. Let?s just say it?s nothing really bad, like rape, pedo., necro., or anything like that, and not ?gay? either, but just what would be considered somewhat weird . . . . not homo sapien either.) I didn?t actually act out these ?fantasies? (when I was young, anyway), but I would kind of, let?s say, make use of related imagery, mentally and visually, during the more physical element of my self-contained virtual reality (?self-gratification?). I would do this quite regularly, and it is the fixation with these ?thoughts? and ?desires? that eventually negated any faith I had in my own spiritual standing.
After I started believing that there wasn?t any hope for me anyway, I recently started to have a little peek here in cyberspace to ?see what all the fuss is about? that the WT warns against. I thought, if I?m condemned anyway, then I might as well just do a little online investigation about the WTBTS. This led me to here, and, well, here I am.
I?m still living at home and still considered in good standing in my congregation. I plan to still bide my time for a while longer until I am in a better position to re-evaluate my options and decisions. So, yeah, I have been, at least to some extent, living a double life. I still don?t think I?m a bad guy, but, well, there you have it.
?SAHS
Were you always getting counseled...
Constantly!!!
At my last two meetings at had them running scared! The evening of a ridiculous Marking Talk about me, I left the Hall for the last time.
I know it seems odd to many JWs but I tried to think of how Jesus would have acted in every situation. For example, I found it nearly impossible to shun anyone! I would whisper hellos, smile or wink.
This didn't always go well with the Congregation and got me into big trouble with the elders on a few occasions.
