Cuddlepie,
Welcome to the forum. First off let me state for the record that I was in the Org for 30+ years and have been out for over 7 years, so temper my thoughts with the fact that I do not have the fear that was evident when I first left the Borg.
I, too, wrestled with wondering whether or not I saw the hypocrisy and lack of love in the Org clearly, or whether it was Satan blinding me and allowing independent thoughts to cloud my judgement. It didn't help that the Society, and my mother (and others) played the Satan card repeatedly. I can honestly tell you that I am not sure if Satan and his demons exist, or not. I am still exploring and trying to figure things out and have not come to a conclusive decision yet. I do believe there is phenomena that can't be explained, so I am leaving the door open at this point.
What I can say is that I have visited other churches, I have meditated, I have dabbled in some Tai Chi and Qigong and have continued searching avenues other than Christianity...all things that the Society has insisted would "open me up" for a visit from the demons. I can state unequivocally that I have never had Satan, nor his demons, "attack" me, nor have I seen any evidence of their interest in me whatsover. In fact I have not seen evidence of their existence at all. What the Society is doing is using a scare tactic to prevent you from exploring and questioning the "Truth". Your mother, a victim of the scare tactics and rhetoric from the Org, repeats this for you.
Satan has got you where he wants, alone, coping with all this by yourself, did he give you what you wanted last time you did things "his" way. Again Jehovah is giving you a choice, he hasn't given up on you even though you keep turning your back on him and looking to Satan's world to give you what you need.
Your mother, like a lot of mothers, plays the guilt card well. I, of course, am not familiar with your circumstance, or what happened to you when you left previously. I can only tell you that it is not Satan that causes us to do the things we do...it's not about "his" way. It's about making choices. We all make choices, good and bad. We suffer consequences when we make bad, or unwise, choices. It has nothing to do with Satan.
If you still believe in Jehovah and believe that the Bible is God's word (again, I am still searching my feelings on the matter and am leaning towards no) then you should take comfort in the words where it states that the identifying mark of true Christianity is: Love. The JW's don't show it and don't have it...therefore they cannot be the "Truth" by the scriptures. End of story.
the "unconditional love" you keep looking for. (there is no such thing by the way, the very fact that you demand that is putting a condition on love before you start).
No disrespect towards your mother, but that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and makes my heart ache for you. Of course there is unconditional love. It is supposed to come from parents, although it often does not. Asking for love is not placing conditions on it. It is nothing more than a plea from a loving child to her mother. Warmest regards.
exjdub
