May you have peace! May I respond? Thank you!
First, I must say that there is a reason you were not able to be close to "Jehovah" while in the Organization, which reason may have followed you out: no one can come to the Father except THROUGH the Son... and the WTBTS did not teach you how to do that. Why? Because they don't know how to do it, otherwise, they would.
Your plight is not unique: many believe they seek but cannot find; many believe there is nothing or no one to find. Both are in error... and many hear will "howl and rip their garments," for my saying so. But what I say is truth. It is also truth that I can help you find the Way to God: I am not him... and I do not suppose that I can lead you to him. But... I am his servant, to all those calling out he responds... and invites to come to him. (NOTE: This post may be followed up by ridicule and naysaying. Please understand I take no offense and hope you take none, for that such response is perfectly natural... understandable: earthling man always decries and/or denies what is not known to him... understood by him... revealed to him... manifest to him... regardless of whether it is known, understood, revealed and manifest to another.)
Dear one, there is only ONE way to know God, to see Him... hear Him... understand Him... have Him reveal Himself to you... manifest Himself to you... and that is through His Son and Christ. You CANNOT see God... you CANNOT hear God... you CANNOT know God... without seeing, hearing, and knowing... His Son. God is NOT revealed to you... or any man... or made manifest to you... or any man... EXCEPT by means of His Son. You cannot speak to God... unless you speak... through His Son.
I will give you an example, the man Joseph, son of Jacob. That one, unjustly imprisoned in Egypt, later became second only to Pharaoh in Egypt... because HE... gave all glory to God. Although possessed of a gift like no one else, he acknowledged the Giver of such gift and, as a result, God exalted him.
But that is not why I speak of Joseph; I do so because of this:
Pharaoh was the owner of all that existed in the land, including all grain. So that when a famine came upon the land, when they became hungry the people had to seek sustenance from Pharaoh. But, I ask you... although the grain belonged to Pharaoh, to WHOM did the people go to ask and RECEIVE such grain? Was it to Pharaoh himself? Did they approach and literally enter in before Pharaoh and make request? Or was it to the one upon whom Pharaoh bestowed authority to DISPENSE such grain? By whose hand was it that the people actually ATE? Who APPROVED the family for provision of Pharaoh's grain?
What you are seeking works in the same way: it is from God that you wish to receive... but it is through His Son that you must make request. For in the same way that Pharaoh bestowed "all authority" excluding his own soul upon the man Joseph, so, too, all authority... in heaven and on earth... has been given the Son of God.
The "Society," however, taught you a different "way". They taught you that you could actually "climb up some other place," and enter before God: that you could either enter in on your own... or through them. They misled you, however, as they have misled millions. They lied.
They... are not the truth. Never have been; never can be. For there is only ONE Truth... the Son of God, whose name is NOT "Jesus"... but JAHESHUA (Hebrew) or JOSHUA (English). "Jesus," dear one, is the English transliteration of the name "Ieosus," which means "Je (or Jah) is Zeus".
My Lord's name... is JAH e SHUA... which means "JAH... Saves."
JAH... is the name of the True God (Psalm 68:4)... which is why you/I/we say "hallel u Jah"... or "praise you, JAH." The description "JaHVeH"... which many have misrendered as "Yahweh"... means "JAH... breathes into existence"... or "causes to come into existence,"... "armies." Not military armies, or military might... but NUMBERS... such as angels... and Israel (think "myriads of myriads," or "sands of the sea").
It is ONLY by going TO... and THROUGH the One "who comes in the name of JAH," can you have a personal relationship with God. For you must know THAT One... in order to know God. You must KISS THE SON... for he is the One whom God APPOINTED... just as Pharaoh appointed Joseph.
HE, the Son and Christ of God... is the "copper serpent" that has been lifted up... so that we must not take our eyes off HIM. We, all of us who at one time adhered to the false teachings of the WTBTS... or ANY religion... were bitten... by "poisonous serpents," the "offspring of vipers,"... PHARISEES... religious leaders who neither serve God or know God... for they are not known BY God. We, all of us, who at one time adhered to the false teachings of the WTBTS... or ANY religion... must keep our eyes on... and LISTEN... to the One appointed by God to SPEAK to us.
God USED to speak to us... by means of the Prophets, which ones wrote down what they heard. NOW, however, He speaks to us... by means of a SON.
And contrary to what you may have been taught, what you may have heard, even what you may be told by some here... that One speaks still. To us. Each and every one of us.
That we don't HEAR... is solely upon us. For God is righteous... and it is our OWN flesh that stands in the way of our hearing. For God... is a SPIRIT... and to worship Him... to HEAR Him... you must do so... IN SPIRIT... THROUGH a Spirit... Christ.
Truly... there is NO other Way.
I bid you the greatest of peace.
A slave of Christ,
SJ