by onacruse 21 Replies latest jw friends
Well Craig, I was agressive about going to the Mongolian Grill Friday and apparently you and Kate were passive!! :-) We agressively pigged out on a great meal so that I could be passive about moving furniture later in the evening...Why do we do what we do? Probably low blood sugar...I'd guess...
carm
Carm:
I was aggressive about going to the Mongolian Grill Friday and apparently you and Kate were passive!! :-)
Yes we passively awaited your call..........damn I hate it when Craig gets his messages mixed up. Hint, if you really want to see us talk to me!
hummmm......maybe Craig's passive aggressiveness is in evasion/memory lapse.
I would have loved to have gone out to dinner with ya'll, darn! Rain check? Please!
Kate
Count us in on the Mongolian Grill trip. Carmel, we actually turn up to stuff, most of the time.
Craig, my answer is Dunno.
Mav, I had a similar experience; my first wife had an affair with an elder (who also happened to be my employer)...nasty thing that ended up with committees from 2 congregations. She and he were df'd, and, as he predicted, they were reinstated in one year.
He asked me to meet him at a restaurant, to apologize, which he did (in a perfunctory and not particularly convincing way), but, yes, I accepted his apology (and, of course, he made sure that the elders knew that he'd "apologized" ). Even though I felt very ambivalent about it, I felt a compulsory obligation to forgive him.
Right after they were reinstated, there was an assembly, and at lunch break we crossed paths at the back of the assembly hall. He approached me, stuck out his hand, and acted like we were long lost buddies. A ring of about 30 people around us suddenly went totally silent, as they waited to see whether I'd shake his hand or throttle him. Again, I put on the front of forgiveness.
You can tell that I still have mixed feelings about that whole thing.
I don't know if that constitutes passive-aggressive behavior (in the particular psychological definition of the term), but, at the least, I think it illustrates how inconsistent we can be, even within ourselves. And if we can play such games within ourselves, then certainly we can play them with other people that we've "met" only via electronic communication (db, phone, etc).
Self-honesty is very difficult, especially when we were raised in a religion that discounted the worthiness of ourself, and emphasized loyal compliance to external laws, principles, and policies.
Carmel, hey man, sorry we missed you! But the Mongolian Grill is a bit above my tastes...Burgerville, maybe? LOL
When I get past this slug of work, I'll definitely need a rest, and we'll come over and haunt your premises for a day or two.
So can you give an example regarding a db or this one here?????
Glen, I'm not sure that you wanna meet Carmel...he's a little weird, ya know? All that beach air, salt-in-the-wind and sand-in-your-shorts stuff has a way of twisting a person.
However, he cooks up a really mean salmon steak, so maybe the trade-off is worth it!
min, whatever "examples" I could give (from this db, or any other) would only be based on my very limited understanding of what passive-aggressive behavior is, and I won't insult you or others by giving specifics of an ambiguous.
Like I said, this is a "wondering why people do what they (including me) do" thought, not an accusation.
In response to your question, though, let me ask this: Do you see any passive-aggressive behavior in yourself?
Respectfully,
Craig
IMO, passive-aggressive behavior is NOT always uncalled for....for example, I relieve a co-worker who's a sociopath....aggressive behavior, which would be highly inflammatory, even though its greatly warranted, and she'd find a way to "help" me lose my job. On the other hand, passive behavior leaves her "footprints" all over me.....however....passive-aggressive behavior on my part enables me to "schmooz" with her, gleaning all the incriminating tell-tale things she says about her life, her job and our employer, so I can pass it on to our employer (at employer's request) and also enables me to sometimes "forget" to do some of the mountain of work she shoves off on me. (smirk)
Frannie B
Now I wonder if I've understood the question (before to answer )
I don't think I'm passive-aggressive. Just don't piss me off or I'll stonewall you.
