why take the time to "fade"? (page 2)

scotsman

I'm not dfed or daed just stopped going to meetings and it still resulted in some of my family shunning me. I didn't go through some long fade, and I feel sad for those who do and the end result is the same as if they'd been dfed. Doing the fade is like a cancer to some relationships, as opposed to the cardiac arrest of a dfing. I much prefered the Witnesses who cut me off rather than those that have slowly shut me out.

Bubbamar

I thinks its all been said really - but from the viewpoint of someone who fade if I could do it all over again---- At this point - if my mom died - NO ONE in her life will call me to tell me (unless of course they want$$) I don't think my mom wants to shun me and if I were "inactive" it would give her an out to maintain some sort of a relationship with me. I am trying to find out from her right now if my grandfather has died. That shouldn't be something I should have to wonder about for more than 24 hours. But if it happened, I doubt my mom would have called me or my sister.

I am glad you posted about this instead of just judging us as weak or whatever. And I think it really speaks to the sickness of an organization that people have to SNEAK away from it.

doogie

i fully agree that there's no way to understand the full scope of our decisions beforehand. especially considering the emotional burden that comes with decisions that could sever the family ties.

i think the main thing that i didn't realize beforehand (but was pleasantly surprised about), was that you do get over it with time. i know that everyone's experiences are different with this stuff, but my family stuff since leaving has in no way "permanently scarred" me. yes, it was painful at the time and it took a loooooong time to really sort my feelings out, but it made me who i am today and therefore it was necessary in my eyes. far from being a scar, i look at it all like a ladder that helped me to reach heights spiritually and emotionally that i never even imagined before (man, that sounds stupid, but it's really true).

i voluntarily DA'd myself and i knew that not only would i be outcast but also labeled an apostate because of my reasons for leaving. my family would not only disown me but hate me because of my beliefs. suddenly i would be the enemy. i knew it would be hard (probably didn't realize exactly how hard at the time), but again, i felt it was necessary, even then. who knows what will happen in the future...they may come around. it matters not to me though, because i can enjoy today far more than i could otherwise.

just my 2 cents. i understand where you're coming from and i struggled with the fears of the repercussions of my letter and the thoughts that maybe i'd be better off to just slink away into the shadows. i guess i just want to tell you guys that standing on the other side...my side...the view isn't as bad as you might think. all things pass with time and we can only truly move on after we destroy all ties to the past.

doogie

bubba-

i appreciate that. i didn't know how this would come across. i more than anything just want to hear different perspectives. without that, we just all wallow in our own silly little opinions

ESTEE

For myself, I felt it was most important to be true to myself. I guess I came to the end of the road of thinking about everyone else first.

Next thing, I found myself disfellowshipped. And shunned.

I still prefer the quick cut-off .. as it occurred. I am not capable of a slow fade, because I feel its important to be true to me first. I guess some people might call that selfish. For me, it was about survival.

I guess everyone has to find their own way outta the borg. Point is, they do find their way out!!! Way to go!!!

ESTEE

Netty

One other important perspective, you never really know or realize how much a da/df and the subsequent shunning will really effect you, until you have children. You also never know how much you really need your parents, until you have children. The children shed a whole different light on this subject. I am so glad for the sake of my kids, that I did it the way I did, otherwise, they would not have grandparents in their life.

blondie

Why DA yourself? That's their game and their rules.

Blondie

cruzanheart

I don't have any family in that cult anymore, but I guess my fade-out was to trick them and keep them from controlling my life by imposing the Rules of Disfellowshipping on me. I still have a few friends who are JW and I remember one bursting into tears when I told her my stand because she was scared I was going to get DF'd and she wouldn't be able to talk to me anymore. I assured her that I hadn't done anything even remotely that interesting and wasn't planning to.

For me that works. For you and your freedom, you had to make a stand. I think that's great and wonderful. And it's kind of like childbirth -- anything that results in a healthy person at the end is WONDERFUL!

Nina

FallGirl

I personally never knew I was "fading" until I came to this board. I think what I'm doing, (I've been inactive for about 4 months, but still get the calls and such) is just trying to find peace slowly. To do it either being d'fed any other abrupt way would be too traumatic. I have experienced that once in my life, and to tell you the truth it was QUITE liberating. Made my way back, yadda yadda yadda...and now I'm realizing that the person I've become and the person I "was" are fortunately very different. I just don't "fit" anymore, and that's ok. Life's like that in a lot of ways.

I'm not doing the d'a route, that's just to final as I do feel that some of the people in the org. have true intentions. Others just think for themselves yet don't have the cajones to buck the system. Still others like myself are just trying to figure it all out.

I'm doing things my way, and that's what matters. To many that may seem selfish, weak or whatever, but isn't that part of what we're "wrestling" against in the organization? Freedom of choice?

Fading nicely,

FallGirl

P. S. What does "dub" stand for? I'm a newbie...give me a break

4JWY

doogie:

When I first came to this board I referred to myself as" fading",

where actually my family and I were firm "walkaways", ( just fading from the memory of those at the hall).

I agree, that to stand up for yourself and who you are is what will bring you the most satisfaction in life. We were always pounded over the head that we needed to be proud of the fact that we represented Jehovah. Why not be proud of the fact of who YOU are? Be true to yourself and be courageous, firm, and bold about your convictions. I know, it's easier said than done and there are any myriad of situations folks deal with that make this strategy difficult and I feel for all of them. Personally, I knew that I could not play a game of missing a meeting here and a convention there, feigning confusion or depression, etc... I did and do have family "in" - but living in peace with my own self had to take precedence. Their decisions are something they have to live or die with.

Fallgirl - dub = JW / Jdub

why take the time to "fade"?

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