Let's share the good memories from the org.

by anew 44 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  shamus

  Now I am going to be totally 100 percent honest with you.

  I hated the 'get togethers.'

  I hated being with people who back-bite and stab in the back constantly.

  I hated trying to be friendly with village idiots.

  I hated the fake smiles, the fake "oh, we missed you", all of it.

  When I lived in the valley of the dubs, I only craved leaving they're company.

  Not to say that there were some exceptional people there! The problem is the belief system is so flawed. These people are programmed to stab you in the back. I was one of them.

  Good memories? I would rather forget the whole thing.

  I remember going to assemblies, and having panic attacks. "Trust in Jehovah". If I did have a panic attack, it was my fault! I wasn't trusting in Jehovah. I wasn't worthy.

  My only fun times were going to clubs and getting drunk. It was a pathetic existence, one that I am glad to be rid of at this stage in my life. I am so much more than the next drunk, the next high. I get much higher and happier doing things that I enjoy.

  So let me tell you what I miss about the dubs. Nothing. Nobody. Nothing.
• 

  Odrade

  Kinda with Shamus on this one. So many of the "good memories" were overshadowed by the fakery of it all.

  or the need to get time in service first.

  or the negotiating of all the many rules.

  or the sniping behind others backs.

  power plays.

  There were fun times in service, but for the most part I remember them being fun IN SPITE of being in service. Not a fun time had in service.

  I enjoyed giving talks. I didn't necessarily enjoy giving talks as a JW activity, but I would have been good at speech class and drama club... if it had been allowed. Instead giving those stupid talks with the stupid answers in the most interesting way I could devise given the dry, boring, memorized and many times repeated subject matter.

  tainted again.

  Oh yeah, there were all of my great friends. Most of whom wouldn't give me the time of day now, though I'm not df'd or da'd. There's the elder who performed our marriage ceremony. Found out from various sources about the side of him that deals with those who question the organization. I guess that's the side I would get now.

  Which brings me to my wedding... joyous happy memory from within the org, right? WRONG. in so many ways. First there was the deal over the use of the KH. Is it proper, the interview about our chastity. Then they had to remodel the wedding party because I must have it in the hall or people would think we weren't chaste. But if we have it in the hall, my closest gf at the time couldn't stand up with me cause she was on reproof. Then the fight over me not wanting to invite everyone in the whole hall. Shall I continue? oh yeah, those are happy happy memories.

  OOOH! how about the happy memories of my little brother not talking to me? (oh wait, that's cause I've quit.) OH, I know, how about the happy memories of me being excluded from social activities cause my dad was such a good dub he might shut it down if something was (in his opinion) "inappropriate." oh yeah, that came about because that's exactly what he did! That went over so well.

  Sorry, can't think of any. Just like every other time this "good memories" topic comes up new, I can't think of any that aren't tainted by some fake or controlling aspect of that f000ing religion.

  Wait! I thought of one! I have a good memory of when I started to think for myself and decided to get out. I have a GREAT memory of my first Xmas with friends. Fantastic memory of finally starting to get some education. hmmm.... there's the good memory of going out with my "worldly" gfs for a drink at the bar... and, well, lots of good memories. Now. That I'm out.

  O
• 

  mamochan13

  Awe...Odrade....you had me going there...

  I dont think we can say we never had good times. This was our family, after all!! We were supposed to have good times. I don't think we have to let go of the good times in order to survive.
• 

  Odrade

  but I think that's the point. Take a look at those memories... a really fair look. Do you have good memories from the Organization? or are those memories good in spite of the "Theocratic Activities" they were tied to.

  Did you have good memories FROM BEING A WITNESS? or are there good things that happened while you were a JW that were not predicated on the religion, other than the circumstance of your being there?

  Here's my point: We can remodel an experience in our minds to fit how we think we should view them. We can say about an ex "he was a really horrible person and he always treated me like shit. I always treated him perfectly" And someone else can come up and say "yeah, but lets remember the good times." Okay, let's reminisce? I don't think so. Or here's another for instance: Let's say you're a JW girl who gets a worldly boyfriend... eventually she sleeps with him, feels guilty, breaks up with him, goes to the elders. Pretty soon she's telling the elders, "Well he forced me. yeah, it was rape. that's it." and eventually she gets all traumatized. Or what about the person who has this love affair, and it ends not in huge fighting... maybe a move, or death, or something so it's not finished. That affair gets remodeled in the mind to be completely perfect, excellent. "The best ever."

  Well, what would happen if you stripped all of that away. All of the justifying, all of the trying to be the innocent party. All of the idealizing. You just have the events.

  My reality is this: I can think of no way that being a part of the Organization made my life better, that could not have happened easily by some other means. I used to say that I credit the Org for making me a terrific speaker, comfortable around strangers, and well adapted to working with the public. Now I realize that, given my personality, that is a natural talent, and I would have found outlet for it anyways. I used to credit the Org with me having two parents in the house growing up. Well, maybe so, but I'm not entirely sure that was for the best, either for them or for me. I used to say that "if I hadn't been in the 'truth' I would end up on drugs or pregnant or something else terrible." Now I realize that, being a person with some commonsense, that was no more likely than any other normal person with common sense, AND I was ill-equipped to deal with real life. That is my reality.

  This organization has given me nothing that could not have happened otherwise, except maybe an understanding of the hell cult victims and abuse victims have to live with. And that is neither something I needed, nor good memory.

  O
• 

  wednesday

  Hi Nina,

  u are right. any good memories i have are surrounding the people i was with. they could have been baptists, and i would have the same memories. the good times were b/c of people, not the org.
• 

  avengers

  The org is full of many good people..........

  There are a few....yes, but many??? I'm having my doubts. good things? I can only think of one . When we used to go to meetings as a family my (ex) wife used to sit at her make up table
  to make her self pretty for the meetings.; nice dress, pretty mak-up. I liked that, only to be disturbed by the rest; Hurry, we're gonna be late for the meeting; aren't you done yet,etc, etc. Andy
• 

  Sunnygal41

  Most of my good memories occured at the very end of my time in the Borg, after I hooked up with a nice group of friends who weren't rigid or party poopers...........in fact, one of my happiest memories is of a New Year's Eve dinner cooked by my girlfriend, who is a fabulous gourmet cook, then, all of us ladies grabbed our favorite alcoholic drink and hit the hot tub, where we stared up at the frosty star filled sky.......it was about 10 degrees that night, but the water was hot and steaming and we all just laughed and got silly and just enjoyed the moment and the awesome midnight, star filled sky! It was scrumptious! Then, we went back in and did some kareoke(sp?).....these people were very "advanced" as Dubs........they had their own kareoke system, their own bar complete with neon sign "Koz's".......and of course the deck/pool/hot tub area, and downstairs they had a pool table. I miss them all so much............

  Ter
• 

  dh

  there was always a shadow over everything good. always.
• 

  ohiocowboy

  Let's see....

  Closing prayer, going for pizza after the service meeting, congregational get togethers at the beach, doing the music and sound at the KH. That's all...
• 

  cruzanheart

  Yes, my good memories are definitely about the people I was with, and a surprising number of the good memories revolve around food -- interesting! I remember getting White Castle burgers after the evening meetings and burgers nowadays don't taste half as good as those little fat-filled morsels did. I remember having waffles & ice cream at a friend's house on occasion and how disappointed I was when her Chihuahua would run from me in terror (I was about 7). I remember congregation picnics on the beach in St. Croix (goat stew and fried chicken, yum!), and how much fun us kids had when the Branch Overseer, Ronald Parkin, would come over from Puerto Rico. He played with us and pretended he was a shark in the water and was generally a really great guy, not at all pompous. I remember looking at the full moon every Memorial and thinking that this was the same moon that shone in the sky the night Jesus had the Last Supper.

  The only good memory I have about the organization and its teachings was how SAFE it made me feel when I was young. Now that I know how ephemeral that was, it's kind of sad, but I don't blame my inner kid for feeling that way. That is a part of who I am and I take that experience, make it a part of myself, and, most importantly, LEARN from it.

  Nina (damn, now I'm hungry -- is it lunchtime yet?)