stuck in!

by red so deep 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • red so deep
    red so deep

    well, this is my first post here, and i'm kind of doing it in secret, cause i know if my parents knew of my "poisoning myself with apostates" they would not be happy at all. anyways, my story is; i'm 17, i've been brought up "in the truth" my whole life, and now i'm starting to question the WT and christianity in general, and i have nobody to talk to about it. i feel awkward about talking to my witness friends about it, cause i worry that if i speak out against the organazition and the wrong people (i.e; young ones around here that would never THINK of questioning the society) hear about it, it might result in my punishment (reproof or DFing). i've let my parents know about my doubts and they are reasonable about my having doubts, but they don't support me researching jehovah's witnesses outside of JW literature, thus explaining why i have to be secretive about this. i was baptized when i was 11 (like i knew what i wanted to do with my life then...) and was pretty zealous up until the past few years. i've pretty much just been coasting along, giving thecratic ministy school talks every now and then, reluctantly going to meetings and out in service and the like. i've been trying to avoid attending meetings lately cause of my growing distrust of the organization due to the information i've learned about the UN involvement and the backpedalling on many issues etc..., but my parents (especially my father who's an elder in the local hall) are pretty strict on enforcing a policy of me not being allowed to go out of the house unless i go to the meeting that day. which is really difficult, because i have trouble with depression and sometimes getting out is the only way i can at least temporarily relieve that. but i digress...

    anyway, i just wanted to say hi to everyone on the board and introduce myself. hopefully we'll have much to talk about!......andrew

  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother

    Hi Andrew, congratulations on your first post and for having the courage to 'dive in' Stick around, there is so much to learn and enjoy , you are very welcome... and we all know where you are coming from because we have mostly been there ourselves. Just be careful not to reveal too much of yourself if you are keeping this secret from your family, you never know who among your 'brothers' might be lurking too! Keep posting.

  • MerryMagdalene
    MerryMagdalene

    Welcome, Andrew! I'm sorry for the difficulties now facing you (sorry for the difficulties because they are doomed to become mere dust beneath your feet) while you, on the other hand, will continue to grow ever stronger and truer to yourself and the divine spark within you. You will be warmly welcomed here and will find much support and encouragement, I am sure. It seems that most everyone here has been through so much, but have become better, happier, wiser people for it. I have no great words of wisdom for you. We must each walk our own path. But I do wish you all the best and warmly encourage you to check back here whenever you are able.

    Many blessings! --MM

  • red so deep
    red so deep

    hey, thanks alot bluesbrother and merrymagdalene!

    it's kind of odd seeing how things on the other side work. the WT would have us believe that everyone in "the world" is just out for themselves and are completely incapable of showing the love and hospitality of "the brotherhood". it's very liberating to actually see that i'm far from the only who has dealt with this.

  • MerryMagdalene
    MerryMagdalene

    I hear you. I discovered the same thing as you by coming here only recently! I'm in chat at the moment if you want to talk...

  • Mysterious
    Mysterious

    Welcome to the boards Andrew. I must say I empathize with being in such a difficult position. Last fall I was similarly trying to get out of as many meetings as I could. I even faked sick and wasted an entire evening in bed to get out of having to give a talk. And let me tell you hot weather under multiple layers of blankets without moving is not pleasant. I havent gone to a meeting in about eight months now and you can be sure I feel all the better for it. Luckily for me my father is not an active witness so I was able to leave while still living at home. That may not be the option for you. Just try to see your friends as much as you can, nonwitness especially. If they know you are going through a hard time they will be more understanding than your witness friends.

    I definitely agree with you that voicing doubts to other witness kids is a bad idea unless you know they feel similarly. And even then you will both likely be relunctant to talk about it much. Nevertheless there are a lot of great people here and many great topics. I am sure you will get the discussions you desire and hopefully the strength to know there is hope after the organization.

  • Sirona
    Sirona

    Welcome to the forum Andrew.

    Its good that you are looking into things and finding out for yourself what the society is about. At least then you can make an *informed* decision.

    Sirona

  • Netty
    Netty

    Hi there,

    I was you, exactly, to a t, about 21 years ago, and so were many people on this board, same exact situation. We know how difficult it is for you. You can come through it, we did. Stick around, you will find support here. Hang in there.

  • New Castles
    New Castles

    Congratulations and welcome!

    Hope you find answers to your questions or atleast the ear of those willing to listen. Remember most of us have gone through what you are going through now, hang in there...and things eventually get better.

  • bull01lay
    bull01lay

    Hi Andrew, welcome!

    It's a good place to heal, rant, learn, and make some friends in the process.

    If you wanna remain anoymous though for fear of backlash, it would be wise to change your picture (if that is truly your good self), and remove you DOB details. Just a suggestion of course...

    Bull! <== of the paranoid 'JW's really do monitor this site' class!

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