FALLING IN LOVE: Why the helpless "falling"?

by Terry 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  Terry

  Is falling in love "falling" at all?

  Falling is helpless. Falling is an accident and can prove deadly or injurious.

  Why is love not a choice? Is it something we make happen or does it happen to us?

  Is there hidden in our very nature; our heredity, our unknown interior being a secret chemistry we cannot fight?

  I say the notion of falling in love is bred into us by centuries of Romanticism in our culture our art, music and literature. Arranged marriages held sway for millennia. But, I also think we do not fully ___choose__whom we are strongly attracted to. I believe we can only fight participation in that longing and that passion. I assert we either seize the object of our passion or we run from it into the arms of someone less powerfully in control of our emotions.

  That is what I think. I want to know what you think.
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  minimus

  I think you should chill.
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  frenchbabyface

  Well I didn?t fully understood what you said here

  But ?falling? in love is an English expression, that I do find very romantic by the way ?
  In French we say : Etre (to be) amoureux (in love)

  Why is love not a choice?

  I do think that love can be a choice : not the love itself ? but the kind of love and you can turn one into an other ? for instance I loved my Ex Fabrice like my man and then just like he was my brother or a good old friend I?ve shared lots of things with ?

  You can also choose (consciously or not) to destroy it, for any reason :

  • you don?t think you deserve it = wolf syndrome
  • you feel like whatever you do will be accepted by the other one, and don?t mind crossing the frontlines = self-centred
  • you don?t know where you stand, cause nothing can fulfil your needs because you have to deal with personal issues (fear or specific needs that can be told to the other one without taking the risk to loosing him/her ? You know it (conscious) or you can only feel it (not conscious) but you can?t help yourself (and moreover the other one) ? that?s when you choose by default the status quo (get in weird ways) till the other one say STOP !
  • ...

  Is it something we make happen or does it happen to us?

  I don?t know for sure. But I think I/we can make the difference in between them two at least at the end ?

  Is there hidden in our very nature; our heredity, our unknown interior being a secret chemistry we cannot fight?

  Well I tend to be attracted by those I?ve got something in common with ? for instance for Fabrice : we had exactly the same childhood ? same kind of parents ? being educated by 2 differents families with different standards - same situation with bro (for him), sis (for me) ? he is very independent in his ways too ? and more ?

  But, I also think we do not fully ___choose__whom we are strongly attracted to

  That seems to be true ? but attraction is not love ? (it can answer to specific needs but it is not always love ? and probably it?s hard to make the difference)
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  BrendaCloutier

  I say the notion of falling in love is bred into us by centuries of Romanticism

  combined with seeing/meeting someing with the right set of homones that gets our own flaring.... and you're "falling" in love. It's mostly hormonal, because that "falling" feeling doesn't last.

  Now why are we attracted to and "fall" for one person over another, besides hormones and pheromones?

  One phylosophy is karma. That person and I may have a karmic destiny to fulfill, or we were associated in some way in a past life and at a "soul" level recognize each other.

  Another is looks, mannerisms, voice, personality, etc., that triggers something within, in addition to the hormones and pheromones.

  Basically, this "falling in love" is what gets the human animal together for mating and carrying on the species. Its the romantic fallacy that it is to become monogomous that trips many (most?) of us up.

  Happy Falling - what a great drug rush, eh?

  Brenda
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  Xena

  I think we can chose who we fall in love with based on attraction and circumstances or we can just allow ourselves to fall willynilly. Once you consciously or unconsciously allow yourself to let go and fall you are giving some control over to another person who now has the ability to hurt you... or not That would lend itself to a feeling of "helplessness" in some instances.

  But the feeling of falling in love..the weightless spirling swirling dizzy feeling of romance can be quite exciting and heady, I know I enjoy it
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  Narkissos

  In French we say : Etre (to be) amoureux (in love)

  We also say tomber (= to fall) amoureux.

  Edited to add: and tomber malade = falling ill.
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  frenchbabyface

  Xena : think we can chose who we fall in love with based on attraction and circumstances or we can just allow ourselves to fall willynilly. Once you consciously or unconsciously allow yourself to let go and fall you are giving some control over to another person who now has the ability to hurt you... or not That would lend itself to a feeling of "helplessness" in some instances.

  But the feeling of falling in love..the weightless spirling swirling dizzy feeling of romance can be quite exciting and heady, I know I enjoy it

  Agreed ( --- --- ) ... Got the point !!! (the entire poste too)

  In French we say : Etre (to be) amoureux (in love)

  Narkissos : We also say tomber (= to fall) amoureux.

  Oooops I've forgot ... Right !!!
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  BrendaCloutier

  But the feeling of falling in love..the weightless spirling swirling dizzy feeling of romance can be quite exciting and heady, I know I enjoy it

  Yeah, me to. But that hormone induced rush doesnt last. But it sure is great while it lasts! It can be addictive to many people who are often labeled as unable to commit to a relationship. Others, with low self-esteem mistake it for true love.

  It's unfortunate that our society doesnt teach us how to build a lasting relationship when the hormone rush fades. It takes a lot of work from both parties. i.e. "Love" is a verb.

  There be a lot of thornes in a bed of roses!

  Hugs

  Bren
• 

  Lady Lee

  Some people say falling in love is a form of insanity

  If that is true then...

  But I prefer to think people fall into infatuation and sometimes grow into love
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  IT Support

  Terry,

  I suspect it may come from the idea that falling is not a conscious decision, is not planned, it just happens unexpectedly...

  Regards,

  Ken