I didn't really know these people that well. I was only ten. We were at their house eating dinner, one sunday after the meeting. They had two children Josh and Will. They were just little kids to me. I don't know their exact ages but I would guess that Will was probably around 5 or 6 and Josh was even younger.
I was too old to have in fun with them I thought. They are just kids. I wanted to go home. I was bored.
Flash foward.
I was 23 and had been disfellowshipped for a couple of years. I ran into some kids that had recently been d'fd themselves. They were all around 18 years of age. They had discovered the world of drugs and sex. It was strange for me because I remembered them as being little kids running around the kingdom hall, and here they were introducing me to acid and weed. Will was among them.
I took a job at the restaurant that Will and a couple others worked at. One night, Will and I were outside behind the building taking a smoke break. We talked about the night that I was at their house when we were kids. He said that when we were little, he looked up to me a lot, and that he thought I was so cool.
We talked about how d'fing affects people. About how alone we were now that our friends and family shun us. I told him that we would have to look out for each other now, because no one else would. I felt like I gained a little brother that night.
Flash forward.
I was 26. I had since moved away and had not seen Will in 2 1/2 years.
I was working in construction. One day at work, we were using a rope to raise materials to the walkboard 30 feet above us. My coworker and I were always playing sick jokes. I tied the rope into a noose and put it around my neck. I said " I Can't take the pressure anymore!". It was a joke. We laughed and went back to work.
That night I recieved a phone call from my mother. She said that Will had been found in a motel. He had hung himself.
The words that we spoke to each other that night at the restaurant haunted me. I had not been there.
I later found out that Will had been in and out of jail. He was trying to get reinstated, but always felt that he couldn't do it. He felt that he had done too much in Jehovah's eyes. The pressure to get reinstated had gotten to him, and now he was dead.
It's been about 3 years since he died. I think about the night we said that we would look out for each other. I think about it a lot.
I don't really know why I am posting this story. Maybe because I want people to know how the org can devestate your life. Maybe it's because I feel guilty that I wasn't there. Or maybe it's because I want people to...
Remember Will
Slayer
"You are here because the world as you know it no longer makes sense.
You've been raised on television to believe we'll all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars - but we won't.
You pray for a different life." Tyler Durden