I lost her. (page 2)

Englishman

Ah, grandmas.

There's nothing like a grandma to make you feel like the most special person in all the world. 33 years on, I can still feel tearful over mine.

Hugs to you, essie.

Englishman.

i'm you're essie, mulan. lost the damned email account that went with the esmeralda username and i can't get into it so i'm stuck with this one. i read tuesdays with morrie, i should read it again. i know you're right.

thank you everyone for being here. i can't stop crying even though i knew for days this was coming. it's just so unfair that she came through heart failure and cancer surgery last year to suffer so horribly and so long before finally being at peace.

i don't know how to imagine a world without her in it. the world is far worse off tonight because she isn't here anymore.

i wish i could believe she was in heaven with my grandfather. i wish i could believe she'd be resurrected. i wish i could believe, something, anything that would make me feel like there was somewhere else she was now. after all i've been through and seen with JW's and religion, i wish i could believe something.

i have so much to write about her. i've been trying for so long. for days. but the words are just stuck and all i can do is hear her sweet, gentle voice in my head singing the little song she used to sing to me when i was a child. She and my grandfather always sang "You are my sunshine" to me too, but tonight this is the one that I can't stop hearing.

"Little Robin red breast, sitting in a tree;

singing "here are cherries, they are nice for me."

"Stop!" said little Tommy, "Robin, don't you know?"
"Those are Papa's cherries, so you better go."

"Did your Papa make them?" asked the Robin red;

"No," said Little Tommy, hanging down his head;

"Come back little Robin, you may have a few;

there's enough for Robin, and for Tommy, too."

I know that one of the greatest sadnesses in her life was me getting df'd and not going back. She never 'gave up hope' on me and regardless, she loved me anyway. Even when others in the family gave her hell for it, she never turned away.

She had such faith, why can't I feel what she felt and believe like that? In god himself, if not in any organization?

What do I do without her?

Mulan

There's nothing like a grandma to make you feel like the most special person in all the world. 33 years on, I can still feel tearful over mine.

One of my grandsons was asking his mother about death, a couple of years ago, so she explained it to him. She told me he got very upset and asked "can grandma die?" I love that boy.

El Kabong

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Joyzabel

so sorry ((((Essie))))

please cry your eyes out. You have been holding in a lot of grieving so let it flow.

Hugs,

Joy

seeitallclearlynow

Essie, I'm very sorry for your loss today and I hope you find peace soon. What a wonderful woman your grandmother was.

Narkissos

Heartfelt condolences ((((Fleur))))

Double Edge

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are in pain. Grandparents are the best. I know there is nothing I can say that would ease your pain, but I would like give you something to think about regarding what you said:

i wish i could believe she was in heaven with my grandfather. i wish i could believe she'd be resurrected. i wish i could believe, something, anything that would make me feel like there was somewhere else she was now.

Maybe right now you can't believe that there is something more than this life, but know that there are many on this board as well as millions in this world who believe otherwise - that death is but a doorway, life really is eternal. I am one of those. Take care, you are in my thoughts......

Been there

(((((essie)))))

I shall sit and cry with you.....for I know your pain. She is in your heart, the safest place to be. I believe she met God and all questions where answered. To be so loved on earth I know she found favor in Gods eyes. My Granny has a little place in my yard with a rock with her name, a little chareb angel giggling and lilly of the valley blooming every spring (her favorite flowers) I visit with her often there. Hard to believe she's been gone 10 years, please believe that it gets easier and your pain will turn to only wonderful memories. Take what she left you and be the best Grandma ever. She lives on.

JeffT

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds like you an incredible relationship. Carry those memories in your heart.

I lost her.

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