Compromise

by teejay 33 Replies latest social relationships

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  Englishman

  I once looked into becoming a marriage counselor for Relate!

  (I failed when I was asked how I would deal with a guy who beat up his wife. I told them I would give him a good hiding so he would know how it felt.... WRONG!)

  Anyway, part of the training was dealing with very contentious issues such as the one Teejay described. Basically, each person agrees that the contentious subject is put "on hold" for an agreed period of time, say 3 months. This gives both parties a chance to reflect. The subject is not mentioned at all. When one person feels that the other is breaking the "hold" and pushing the envelope he/she refuses to comment in return and simply gives the partner this signal:

  This is a "I am immune" signal in the UK. After the agreed period of time, the subject can be brought again. Often, but by no means always, the heat has gone out of the original issue and sometimes a solution or compromise can be found. Some couples find that the peace that they have enjoyed during their "holiday" is too good to lose and settle for leaving things just as they are.

  Englishman.
• 

  shotgun

  Good question TJ

  Interesting responses...Eman..so a good roll of the eyes is no good huh..and the middle finger salute is definetly out of the question...how about if you say Jehovah is No#1 while you salute.
• 

  Winston Smith :>D

  TJ,

  I agree with these two statements:

  For the same reason your wife would not want to participate in a Catholic, Protestant, Islamic or any other type of religious service.

  Else

  think "compromise" requires BOTH participants - and something being given from each other.

  petty

  Rather than compromise, as Franklin stated, Negotiate.

  "Fine, I'll go to the weekly meetings, now what will you sacrifice for me on a weekly basis?"

  "You want me to go to the annual conventions? Fine, then I want you to come to company & family holiday celebrations."

  If you keep on giving, then she will always go to the well expecting for you to "give in" because it has never cost her anything.

  I'm not saying to "make her pay", but make sure that your COMPROMISE has a price tag attached to it in her head.

  "Oh, him sitting through a Convention is as painful as me sitting through a Christmas party for him..."

  Best, Paul
• 

  Tim Horton

  I have to agree with Flower. I know from my own experience. My father being a non-believer and my mom being a believer. They have been married for over 30 years and my mother does not let up. It is the witness way. They always have to try to convert you. It doesn't matter who you are or what the relationship is to that person. They will always try to make you become a JW. That's just my experience. I would just try to stand your ground. Mutual respect is what it's all about. You respect her beliefs and she respects your non beliefs. Hopefully. I feel for you. Panther