The best thing I ever read on this subject was Hermann Hesse's short novel Augustus. I read it many years ago and this is how I remember it (perhaps I have changed it unconsciously): it's the story of a man whose mother is offered to make one wish, while hearing a magical tune. The night she hears the tune she has not thought about it and says the first thing that comes to her mind: that everybody would love him. Henceforth everybody loves him; no one resists him and he becomes a tyrant, at the same time feeling more and more frustrated, to the point of contemplating suicide as the last way to reach (and hurt) others. Only one woman, strangely enough, resists him in spite of her feelings for him. This kind of wakes him up. One night, as he walks desperate in his mother's street (his mother died in the meantime) he hears the same music, coming out from the next house. The neighbour is the old wizard who offered his mother to make the wish, and now he suggests to reverse it: that he would love everybody. From this point on the former tyrant is shunned by all those who previously loved him. He becomes a tramp, desperately trying to help people in the middle of scorn and contempt. But the least smile makes him happy. He ends up dying, exhausted and satisfied, in the old wizard's arms, hearing the magical tune for the third and last time.
Is It More Important to You to "Love" or Be "Loved"?
by pettygrudger 36 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Bona Dea
This is an interesting thread. I don't really know what I feel about the whole love thing. I love my children - unconditionally. I love my family, although they cause me a great deal of pain - but I still love them. Personally, I don't feel that I've ever truly been loved by anyone. My kids love me - but I've yet to have a loving a meaningful relationship with any adult. So, I don't know where I would have "learned" to love. I do give love, and a bit more freely than perhaps I should. I adore my children and know that I am an awesome and loving mom. However, I did not learn these things from my own parents. I don't think that a person has to experience being loved in order to know how to give and show it. I actually think maybe it's my lack of receiving love that makes me so much more willing and open to give it - because I know how it is to feel unloved.
Great thread.
-
jgnat
I figure, it is more important for me to have someone to love. I was able to manage being a single parent, on my own, for twenty years, but I almost went buggy the two years following, when I had nobody to take care of but me.
-
pettygrudger
However, I did not learn these things from my own parents. I don't think that a person has to experience being loved in order to know how to give and show it. I actually think maybe it's my lack of receiving love that makes me so much more willing and open to give it - because I know how it is to feel unloved.
I understand exactly what you mean. What I worry about are those that would give & give, and end up so cynical, angry & bitter because it wasn't reciprocated, or worse - taken advantage of. That has been my experience, but I'm finding the more I put out there, it no longer seems to matter how it's handled.
What's more important is that it makes me feel good about myself, and helps me to love myself. So now I'm wondering if maybe it's selfish to find it more important to love (for me).
Narkikoss - sounds like an excellent novel! And yep, I think humans are happier if they concentrate on loving others as opposed to being loved.!
-
pettygrudger
MarkfromCali - that's deeeeep! I am love - why does that thought give me the fuzzy tummy feeling?
So what would those be who "take" love, and then leave without giving some back?
-
Valis
So what would those be who "take" love, and then leave without giving some back?
users..
-
Badger
IIIIIIII've been chea-ted
Beeeeeeen mis-trea-ted
Wheeeeeeeen will IIIIIIII be loved?
Badger, of the Linda Ronstadt Fan Club class
-
outoftheorg
I seem adept at finding and marrying females that do not even love themselves. Both were young jw's and as it turned out, both had been emotionally and sexually abused by fathers, brothers, mom's boyfriend at an early age.
I was born into an intact but unable to express love, family. No molestations but very strict jw rules inforced.
So I craved love but felt uncomfortable displaying it and married girls who had little respect for men and little love to share with a husband.
They both had suicidal thoughts and displaced anger and depression.
I had children from both marriages, obviously they were in a family that did not promote healthy mental emotional and psychological beliefs. Thanks to the wbts for a lot of this and thanks to the original families and ourselves for the rest.
Finally after flushing out most of the wbts teachings and demands, I was able to find a "WORLDLY WISE" lady that respects me and I respect her. We work together and consider what is best each one for the other.
We can and do show real love "consideration" for the other and their needs. What ever those needs are.
I and her are finally experiencing real affection and a closeness that feels to me like true love flowing in both directions.
If only I could have found this in my thirties instead of my early sixties.
I think if we search for a "true love" not JUST a sexual compatability, it may take time, but it is possible at least, to find what is my definition of true love.
Sexual enjoyment is still important, but should not be the ONLY deciding factor.
Marriages made during times of desperation, seldom succeed. It needs to be a "well thought" out search and experience with another person, not determined by lust or unfulfilled needs from the past.
Just my 2 cents Outoftheorg
-
Kenneson
Victor Hugo once said that "The Supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved." But I am more prone to agree with the sentiments expressed in the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. I quote only the pertinent parts: "Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we're born to Eternal life."
-
redhotchilipepper
I feel that they are equally important to me. I love to love and be loved in return. It's the greatest feeling in the World. To be loved by friends, family, your lover. It's an awesome feeling. Loving is so much fun and so important in life. Keep on loving people. We need more of it.