the event i wrote about happened in 1997.. if i knew then w hat i know now.. well you know.. things would have been different i'd have called the law on them myself. .. as it was back then i was not attending meetings but thought it was because i was weak not because the wtbs was in the wrong.
What is your most ridiculous example of being shunned?
by formerout 46 Replies latest jw experiences
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kwintestal
I drive a bus for the city. Quite often JW's get on. I am not DF'd or DA'd but it's funny seeing their face when they get on. It goes from a smile, to a look of shock, to a look of fear, to avoiding eye-contact, to hurring to the back of the bus. They always go out the back door too.
Kwin
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Mulan
I was at a Trader Joe's (small grocery store) and spotted a disfellowshipped woman I know. We started talking, in the entryway of the store. An older JW woman, walks in and has to go around us to get into the store (we needed to move over and did). She looked back at us, and glared, and we both burst out laughing. She turned red, and walked off in a huff. I saw her in an aisle a few minutes later and smiled at her and she smiled back. I guess she didn't want to make a scene. I would have and I think she knew it. She has known me since I was 4 years old, and I don't care how old she is, she needed to be civil to me.
At another grocery store about 3 years ago, I went in to use the in store bank, and another self righteous older sister was walking towards me int he bank. I said "Hi Joann, how are you?" My husband married her and her husband (they were older folks marrying after being widowed) We are not disfellowshipped so I was a bit surprised when she acted like I was invisible and kept walking. The teller asked me what her problem was. I just laughed and said "I used to go to her church but don't anymore...............I guess that's a no-no", and Joann heard me. That was fun too.
The best one was when I went into a Michael's store (crafts) and saw the mother of one of my boy's best friends (previously best friends, I should say), with an armload of craft supplies. I went in another direction, but I knew she saw me. I turned down another aisle and she was coming towards me. She stopped, put all of her stuff on the shelf and walked out of the store. I guess the thought of having to acknowledge me was too much for her. I was pretty shocked but laughed out loud over that one.
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AK - Jeff
In reading over these posts, I noticed the frequency of which non-DF'd or DA'd witnesses were being shunned. This happens to me all the time. Just a few years back I was the center of the congregation - servant body, pioneer, ect ect - now inactive - and unknown to the brotherhood (or they would x-me) I am apostate. I will never go back.
Here is the point I make;
- Shunning is supposed to be after one has been x'd right?
- If one has never been reproved, counselled, reprimanded, in any way where do the 'shunning orders' come from?
- So, it must be gossip - isn't that a disfellowshipping sin. And it must start with the elders, since they would be the only ones with any idea that we have 'deflected' - and even their's is speculation since I have never been confronted.
- Hypocrites - sinning to protect the flock from sinners, who they don't know have sinned for sure!
- And making a**es of themselves doing so!
Jeff
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seeitallclearlynow
OMG - let's buy him some men's underwear for Xmas!
Imagine being afraid of Buddy
Hahaha, Confusedjw, that's right! (Thanks.)
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hemp lover
Very interesting stories on this thread. It's making me feel kinda queasy though. I had forgotten how horrible disfellowshipping is when you're still inside, how sickened I would feel whenever someone's name was read from the platform and how terrified I would be if I ran into them anywhere. I was ultra self righteous when it came to looking down on df'ed ones. Karma's a bitch, I guess.
Here's my most ridiculous example of being shunned:
My grandmother was dying from a brain tumor and I went back to Illinois to tell her goodbye. She hadn't spoken to me for three years since I was df'ed and I wasn't sure whether she would be happy to see me or not. Thank God, she treated me just like she always used to, her one and only favorite granddaughter. Religion was never discussed.
If it had been just my grandmother and I in the house, it would have been peachy. Unfortunately, there were many JWs coming and going. One of them had nursing experience and so she was helping me and my mom change my grandma's sheets and give her a bath. This woman stood next to me while I changed my grandma's diaper and wouldn't speak or look at me. I obviously didn't know what I was doing, so she would relay instructions to my mother to give to me on how do it right. Grandma got her back for me later though, by threatening to stuff a Nerf ball in the "sister's" mouth if she didn't shut up. But she said it in a nice way, like only Grandmas can.
That whole visit is what really cemented for me that this religion doesn't have anything resembling the truth. People I had known my whole life would walk by me while I was feeding my grandma and not look me in the eye or say hello (or offer to help, though they didn't mind eating the food I prepared).
There were several people though who would stop and talk, even engage me in conversation. One even offered to put me up at her house when she found out my brother told me I couldn't stay with him. (Specifically, he said, "I don't want you here because you're going to talk religion and I have my own beliefs." LOL) To a person, the ones who spoke to me had either been df'ed themselves or had family members who were. Has anyone else experienced that in their dealings with JWs?
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seeitallclearlynow
Hemp lover
the ones who spoke to me had either been df'ed themselves or had family members who were. Has anyone else experienced that in their dealings with JWs?
Yes, I've noticed too that the ones with understanding and fellow feeling and reasonableness are the ones who have had disfellowshipped loved ones or who had been df'd themselves. Also many who have severely handicapped family members tend to be this way. Good point!
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EyeKinCeeClearly
The first time I was barely 14. My father had been df for a year but we still went to the hall. My mother had left him and had DA'd herself. This was all a shock b/c ever since i could remember our family had been considered a stronghold in our congregation. My uncle was a minesteral servant and his family was very active at our hall. It began slowly, I would arrive at the hall by myself and the people I had grown up with and their parents would all greet me warmly, ask how I was doing but after that nothing. No invites to be partners in field service, no ivites to sleep overs or gatherings. My own uncle would offer to drop me off and then head out to meet other families at BBQ's and picnics. My best friend of 9 years was no longer allowed to call or spend time with me. Her family feared that I would be a bad influence b/c of my parents choices. Mind you, I continued coming to the hall b/c it was all I knew (i was raised in the "truth"). People started to buy me clothes and bring leftovers to me at the meetings. They treated me as an orphan, giving me handouts, but had ceased offerinig me friendship. I brought this to my uncles attention telling him that I had parents who were taking care of me and therefore was not an orphan. After that people just smiled and went on about their business. My cousin or aunt were the only people who would be my partners in field service and I would only be called on to answeer a meetings if I was the only hand up.. Eventually I just stopped going. 2 years later my father had been reinstated and my youngest brother was now a part of the ministry school. He was five about to give his first talk so I came to the hall to give him support. Mind you I came just before his part and intended to leave immediatly after. As the began inroducing him, my uncle informed me that my precense was requested downstairs in one of the meeting rooms. Apparantly the elders decided it was appropiate to hold an impromptu meeting regarding my inactive status in the ministry school. They began questioning me about an abortion my mother forced me to have a few months prior. How this was any of their business or how they even found out was beyond me, nonetheless, i was questioned for thirty minutes on whether or not I had the abortion. No one offered consolation or asked if I needed guidance. I remember becoming snot nosed because i was crying so hard. 16 with three grown men in a room with the door shut. When I asked for a tissue, they looked puzzled as if I had just requested their first born. Needless to say, i never went back. Now I'm 22, married and in school. My uncles makes it very clear that i am not welcome in his house. The last time my father begged me to stop in and say hello, i overheared my uncle instructing my ten year old cousin to stay with me and make sure I did not take anything. My father is remarried to a woman who asks that I not stay over their house when visiting town. She belives I will bring demons into their home. My father conceeds for the most part unless i absolutley have no other option. My aunt on my mother's side of the family refuses to speak to me b/c my mother is DA'd.But her daughter is also. My mother was remarried last year and my aunt said b/c of her concious, she could not come, but had no problem sitting in our front room for two hours the following day to visit with her non-JW brother and sister who flew in from Cali to come to the wedding. I do not understand any religion, any person insisting on family values but shuns their own family members for their personal choices. I was never baptized and therefore never DF or DA'd. I was 14 years old, a baby when the congregation turned their back on me for my parents decisions.
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seeitallclearlynow
EyeKinCeeClearly - what a heartbreaking story, and what a perfect example of exactly what it's like in most congregations. You summed it all up very well. You've spelled out the "unwritten" and often "unspoken" rules of conduct in that organization. Thanks! And welcome to the forum!
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needinfo
im a jw learning the real truth about them............i was born into this foolish religion for as long as ican remember i was never ever comfortable at a meeting there was always people snickering behind my back i hated going to the meetings..........all these people do is gossip but i never opened my mouth against them they really are heartless