I am SORRY for your loss. I lost my mom 18 years ago. God I miss her. I wish I could just give her a hug and say I love you, thank you for teaching me so much. I hope I am half the mother she was....I know I strive to be. How dare them! They forget what a memorial service is for! It's for those who lost their loved one, not an evangilizing moment. I'm glad you had your own service! My heart and prayers go out to you. \ My dad is still in and he is 81, when he dies I'm going to use that moment to witness to them!!!!!!
We walked out of my mom's memorial service
by tyydyy 120 Replies latest jw friends
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LittleToe
Condolences Tim.
I'm interested in your comment about "feeling like a man". They have an incredible way of emasculating us guys. I'm glad you claimed back your pride, and that you were able to celebrate with folks who "gave a damn". The cat story is just rich. I hope the darned thing doesn't die while he's away...
They have the most inordinate ability to surprise.
I rarely let my defenses down, now, so hurt is becoming less common.
The last time I did was regarding my sister's wedding, and they proved true to form...Anyhow, wishing ya all the best.
Catch ya soon. -
Balsam
Tyydyy, so sorry for the pain you've all suffered at the hands of the cult. There is nothing crueler. Thank goodness your Dad is not behaving in such a way.
Your Mom sounded wounderful, and she loved you all deeply.
The funerals for JW's who have disfellowshipped family members are terrible cruel. And the thing is it is embarrassing for those JW who have any kind of compassion at all for those who are disfellowshipped.
I know with my two sons and I disfellowshipped we won't have to worry about it. It will be terribly uncomfortable for my ex-husband though who is a JW. I have seen JW's who would not even morn their disfellowshipped children when they died. I knew of only one, and we all did gather to support them. Others I knew would not even have a service at all for them. Very sad and cruel attitudes.
Ruth
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Larry
Sorry to hear that Tim. Reminds me of my sister wedding. It's their lost. Hopefully right actions will conquer over dogmatic rules and regulations.
Peace - Larry
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William Penwell
Just shows how they have no respect for anyone.. It is disgusting to say the least.
Will
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Mary
we were called aside and asked not to attend the reception after the memorial.
What a bunch of SCUMBAGS............It amazes me how these guys manage to convince themselves that they're the only "true Christians" in the world, when they "beat their former brethren" like this. When my brother died, the PO called us the night we buried him to tell us that my other brother (who was never baptized) "shouldn't be talking to anyone there". I will NEVER forget the hurt look on my brothers face. As you probably guessed, I went absolutely beserk and went flying over to the asshole's house and screamed and swore at him for 10 minutes straight. I told him he was a piece of dog shit and the most uncaring, unfeeling ASSHOLE I'd ever met in all my life and if he thought he was going to get everlasting life to think again!! I can't even remember what all I said I was so mad. I think the only reason I wasn't called up on the carpet is because they knew he screwed up and didn't want another screaming session.
I have been worrying about this recently and wondered how my own mother's funeral would take place, my father and my 2 brothers are no longer witnesses, but I am the only one who is DF'd. The topic has confirmed the nightmare situation that many of us may have to go through.
Here's a suggestion: have the funeral at a funeral home, not at the Kingdom Hall. I'd let it be known that anyone who can't act like a Christian shouldn't bother showing up.
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iiz2cool
So sorry for your loss!
Reading about the way you were treated made me absolutely livid with rage. I was getting to the point where I could see that there's a difference between the WTS and individual JWs, between the abusers and the misled. But no more. There is no excuse for such inhuman behaviour. The JWs are the most accomplished people on earth when it comes to cruelty. I will no longer view them as decent people who have been misled. They are adults, and responsible for their own actions. I will not cut individual JWs any slack any more.
I'll have to rethink how I'll handle the funeral for my mom when the time comes. She's the only JW in the family since I DA'd, she wants to be buried as a JW, and she left the funeral arrangements to me alone. But I will not tolerate their shunning shit.
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Abaddon
That's a ghastly experience tyydyy, I'm so sorry for you. I'm glad you were able to hold your own service.
Best wishes
Gyles
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undercover
My condolences on the loss of your mother...
Reading how you were treated made my blood boil. I'm not sure why, except that maybe I could see that happening to me one day when my mother dies. How dare someone ask you not to attend a reception of a funeral for your own mother. Family have first right, no matter what their stance in life at being there over anyone not related...especially in a public building. I admire how you handled the situation, you're a better man than I am. I know that I would not have handled that as well.
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beebee
This whole situation has amazed and apalled me. I am not, nor have ever been a dub so a lot of this is extremely hard to understand. I am also tyydyy's girlfriend so I have witnessed all of this (I was unable to attend the memorial as my daughter had a prior commitment we could not beg out of) up close and have seen the pain Tim and his entire family has endurred. I find it completely amazing that they can retain members and even more surprising they can attract new ones.
The sibling that were snubbed were the ones that had been there for their mother and their father. It was Tim that helped his father make all the arrangements. It was Tim, Brooke and Don who cleaned mom and dad's house so their mother wouldn't be so embarrased when guests came. They originally planned to have a separate memorial service but their dad had said "we can do all that at the reception," the very reception they were later told they could not attend. All three lost considerable work time, income none can afford to lose. Don and his wife flew in twice from out of state to be with his mother and then attend her funeral.
Of the three siblings still in the org, two were not available to help out though when they were here last weekend to see their mother they could have. One did a few little things then expected recognition for it. Their youngest sister was there a lot, but from what I know she did not help out with any of the "work" involved. I suspect two of these three may have been involved in the snub. The same two were really hard and rude on their "out" family members. None were interested in what was in their mother's best interest or in her heart. It was clear, even to me, that their mother loved ALL of her children and was glad to get the opportunity to talk with them in her final days.
As a parent I find all this hypocrisy apalling. I took the story of what happened to my best friend who lives in California and has yet to meet Tim, yet she knows through me what a gentle and good soul he is. I have known "L" for many years and she is a generous and giving, caring person. I did not know she was a dub until Tim and I got together. Technically she's a "fade" but lately her life is very stressful and she has been attending services and conventions again. She is searching for answers.
She lives a life far from that of a "model" dub. She has been divorced 3 times and cheated on each spouse. She has had affairs with married men. She smokes pot and has had (nondub) boyfriends. Her daughter is an exotic dancer. I have questioned how she could consider rejoining a faith that would tell her to not have association with at least 2 of her daughters. She says she will never let them do that. hmmmm, I guess we will see.
I shared with her yesterday the events of Saturday and the weeks preceding. I expected the compassion I have seen her give to so many others. What did she give? Utter silence. I read this as implied approval for what happened. She didn't speak her approval because her friendship with me is important to her, but she didn't have a single word of compassion or giving. The closest she came was that she "was so sorry for Tim's loss."
How can somebody be so completely hypocritical? How can she not see how incredibly mean and selfish it is to rely on your children when you need something done, then deny them the opportunity to attend their own mother's funeral?
One poster spoke of taking this public. Maybe we can. I do PR for a living and have all the contact info, and know how to pitch a story concept to the media. I will do so if Tim and his siblings want me to. I'm not sure they are ready to air their pain.
How can a religion exist that encourages, if not requires, families to disintegrate? Where is the Christian love in that?
