My daughter was not brought up JW. Her husband and his family are JW's. Once married, my daughter began going to studies and has now converted. 4 years ago my first grandchild was born and is also being taught their believes. Every year during the holidays I about loose my mind! My only child and now my only grand child do not spend any holidays etc with me! I am so lost and of course those occassions I spent with my child are so hard to go through now. Can someone please tell me what the JW's believe and how a person can get through the holidays a little easier. I just feel that something is really wrong here but I don't know enough about it to understand it.
Please help me understand
by lonelymom 22 Replies latest jw friends
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happyout
Hi, lonelymom, and welcome to the board,
Briefly, Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate any holidays, as they believe they all have pagan origins. I am no longer a witness, so I don't remember all the details of each holiday, suffice it to say this includes Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, etc.
I know it's difficult, but until you learn more about your daughter's new religion, it would be a bad idea to try to disagree with her. Her new religion teaches that anyone who speaks against it is an agent of Satan (that may be hard to believe, but it's the absolute truth). I would recommend that, if you can, you try to spend time with her and your new grandchild that is not wrapped around a holiday. That might make it easier (although, her new religion also discourages her from associating with anyone outside of their faith).
This board may give you some solace, as it is filled with those who have been hurt by this religion, and people who share some of your experiences.
My complete sympathies with your situation.
Happyout
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frenchbabyface
Welcome, (((lonelymom ))) ... I feel for you ...
it's like your losing your whole closed family ! ... ok ... lots of people have been though this and they might share their experience with you and give you the support you need, some tips ... and at least you're right understanding can help to bear the issue ...But you know life brings some good suprises too, and well who knows ?
(don't forget also that you have your own life too ... take care) ... -
lonelymom
Thank you for your response. They seem to spend a lot of time with her husbands family or at the hall. I feel very privaliged when I get to watch my grand daughter for an entire weekend!
My daughter and her husband have never tried to push the JW believes on us but they have brought the watch tower to our house and left them there. I actually read them but didn't agree so I didn't push the issue or make comments to her. When my daughter was baptised my husband and I did go to the hall to see it. I was very happy that she was being baptised, now I am very afraid.
I have always been very supportive of her decisions in life but this one has really through me for a loop. Before she decided to convert she said that she would not make my granddaughter be JW, that it would be her decision when she was old enough to decide. From reading some of the other postings I am afraid by the time she is old enough to decide, it will be to late...I'm not sure I no what I mean by to late, just a very bad feeling about the whole situation.
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Seeking Knowledge
Hi Lonelymom & Welcome
I have a similar problem in that my ex went back to the JW's after being out for awhile and after we had a child, so I am now fighting him for our son's sanity. I am not a JW either so I feel for you. Stay on the board, you'll learn alot and get lots of support!
SK
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lonelymom
Thank you all for your responses. This is the first step in my healing process and just knowing that there are people out here that understand what I am going through is a relief in itself.
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Bubbamar
Hi Lonelymom - Welcome to JWD. Sorry you are hear on such sad terms. I can't imagine how hard it would be to discover that my daughter was a cultmember and that there was nothing I could do to change it. I would recommend reading a lot of JW information. Steven Hassan is a cult counselor and has written 2 excellent books on the subject. In Releasing the Bonds he says that as long as they are alive - its not too late. My mom joined when I was about 1or 2 years old and, even though no one else in our family was JW, I was raised strictly JW. From that point of view I would hope that you have as much of a relationship with your grandkids as your daughter will allow. Your grandkids need at least 1 sane person in their life - so that when they need to talk they know you will keep their confidence. Your grandkids will also need someone to push for a court order should they ever need a blood transfusion.
I think someone else also gave you good advice to not argue against the JW doctrine. She has been thouroughly indoctrinated to expect that from you. You might be able to get away with some innocent sounding questions by pretending to be interested. Maybe you could ask her how many religions she researched before joining this one. I doubt if she researched any. She was probably just slowly brainwashed by her new JW family.
My best to you. PLease stick around here - there are some very caring and smart people here.
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franklin J
Hi lonelymom, and welcome to the forum
I am sorry for your situation. It is a difficult one; especially for someone such as yourself that does not understand the mechanics of this barbaric religion. I was raised a JW, and although I no longer believe it; have vivid memories of my childhood.
I am sure that it is just as difficult for your daughter to do what she is doing. But remember; she is still your daughter no matter what she chooses to believe and if you keep that in mind that it was her choice to believe this religion; it will be softer for you to accept.
As stated in above posts, the Jehovahs witnesses do not celebrate ANYTHING that you would even remotely celebrate.
But just look beyond that and accept your daughter and grandchild for what they are doing; that is excercising their right to believe whatever religion they like. It may be a bit different than you are used to. As for the non acknowledgement on your birthday; mothers day; Xmas, Thanksgiving, etc....do not take any of this personally. It is intended as a devotion to their God.
Perhaps, like all of us posting on this forum , your daughter will realize that this religion is not right for her or her children. When that time comes, I am sure she will let you know. Until that time; be patient ; accepting and enjoy your grandchild when you can.
regards, Frank
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AlmostAtheist
When I was a JW and my mom wasn't, Mother's Day was a very hard time for her. My dad told me she cried because she worked at a bank and all the other mom's had cards and flowers and what have you, except her. JW's claim they don't damage families, but it just isn't true.
As another poster mentioned though, you won't make it any easier by coming after her or her beliefs. And quietly trying to un-indoctrinate your granddaughter will almost surely result in you getting to spend less (or no) time with her. The Watchtower does a good job in keping those on the inside from becoming "tainted" by those on the outside.
I don't mean to paint an overly grim picture, here. When my wife and I were JW's (up until only a few months ago) we still visited my non-JW parents regularly, though not at holiday times. As long as they don't perceive you as a threat to their spirituality, they will probably continue to visit you. Saying something like, "I was talking to some former-Jehovah's Witnesses the other day, and they said..." is a sure way to close that door! :-( Be careful what you say.
I'm sorry you're hurt by the loss of the holidays. My wife and I are very frustrated over the response of her JW family to us leaving. Their attitude toward us has changed greatly, and if we're ever "caught" by the elders believing and acting the way we do, we'll be disfellowshipped. At that point, my wife's family will simply refuse to talk to us anymore. You feel powerless when someone else's beliefs so strongly impact your own life. I feel for you.
I'm sorry I can't offer much more than sympathy.
Dave
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AlmostAtheist
The watchtower web site has a few articles on their view of Christmas and other holidays: