I Need Some Serious Help Please !!!!!!

by Peterpanippleskin 101 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Peterpanippleskin

  Thank You for responding so quickly:

  He would like to remarry... someday. He feels that he has not had the opportunity to marry someone who is loving and affectionate or fair to him in his life.

  His wife is currently on medication for bipolar disorder, so you are correct about that. However, it has not helped and she has stopped seeking councelling, except when he brings up divorce each time... which includes this latest episode of telling her that he is going to file for divorce. Her response is: I must be a terrible mother and wife. As well as, quoting the JW regulations in an effort to keep him with her, as though what HE is going to do is sinful... and not what SHE is doing, as in, HE is at fault and not her. It is only going to keep the abuse perpetuating and possible the death of my brother while she continues to throw knives, bottles, pans, glass dishes and the alike at him. It is absolutely INSANE for him to stay married to her... and that he can never remarry without being "condemned" or disfellowshipped.

  He, his daughter and his abusive wife have been in therapy and marriage counelling. The therapist (a female) has mentioned to his wife (privately) that she (the therapist) believes that my brother will not divorce her. That is probably not correct... I hope. My brother is, in his own words, 99.9% sure that he will divorce her. However, he is upset by the notion that he will be disfellowshipped and condemned, therefore, leaving him alone without a support network of people that he has been familiar with and associated with. He continually asks himself (and me) WHY he has been "called upon" to be married to someone so abusive? He can not come to terms with the "meaning" which would EXPECT HIM TO stay married and to never be able to remarry without being condemned under the JW doctrine. He is confused, lost, dismayed and upset. It is INSANE for him to remain married to this woman. I do not know how to subtly help him to "escape" from the insanity of the belief system of the JW religion or its beliefs. I have asked him if he would ever consider taking on a new religion or studying another religion that might be more realistic or fair. He told me that is very unlikely. He is stubbornly STUCK within the JW religion and its beliefs. HOW, then, as I did not realize that this website is made of ex-JW's, have all of you ex-JW's become ex-JW's without being "condemned"? HOW, then, and WHAT does it take to free yourself from the JW'S grip of insanity and BACK to reasonable reality? WHAT can I DO to help him and HOW? ......BEFORE he is dead from her abuse... and HOW can I subtly persuade him to let go of the JW insanity?

  Thanks for your reply.
• 

  Peterpanippleskin

  Thank You for responding so quickly:

  He would like to remarry... someday. He feels that he has not had the opportunity to marry someone who is loving and affectionate or fair to him in his life.

  His wife is currently on medication for bipolar disorder, so you are correct about that. However, it has not helped and she has stopped seeking councelling, except when he brings up divorce each time... which includes this latest episode of telling her that he is going to file for divorce. Her response is: I must be a terrible mother and wife. As well as, quoting the JW regulations in an effort to keep him with her, as though what HE is going to do is sinful... and not what SHE is doing, as in, HE is at fault and not her. It is only going to keep the abuse perpetuating and possible the death of my brother while she continues to throw knives, bottles, pans, glass dishes and the alike at him. It is absolutely INSANE for him to stay married to her... and that he can never remarry without being "condemned" or disfellowshipped.

  I have told him that, in so many words, he is ALREADY spiritually "divorced" from her, since he no longer loves her AT ALL. I told him that HER ABUSE is her actions, which have caused his spirit to die inside... which is beyond his control. I told him, therefore, that it MUST BE a "higher power" (his God in the JW religion) who is "telling him" that he is already divorced from her... and that it is now only a matter of finalizing it legally... in human terms... by filing for a legal divorce, and so-on. My words have done little, if anything, to persuade him to let go of the JW doctrine and beliefs and to search for a realistic religion. He is STUCK hard to the JW doctrine, which has kept him in this abuse for the last 22 years! He STILL has not divorced her, and there is a chance that he won't! It is absolutely INSANE!!!

  He, his daughter and his abusive wife have been in therapy and marriage counelling. The therapist (a female) has mentioned to his wife (privately) that she (the therapist) believes that my brother will not divorce her. That is probably not correct... I hope. My brother is, in his own words, 99.9% sure that he will divorce her. However, he is upset by the notion that he will be disfellowshipped and condemned, therefore, leaving him alone without a support network of people that he has been familiar with and associated with. He continually asks himself (and me) WHY he has been "called upon" to be married to someone so abusive? He can not come to terms with the "meaning" which would EXPECT HIM TO stay married and to never be able to remarry without being condemned under the JW doctrine. He is confused, lost, dismayed and upset. It is INSANE for him to remain married to this woman. I do not know how to subtly help him to "escape" from the insanity of the belief system of the JW religion or its beliefs. I have asked him if he would ever consider taking on a new religion or studying another religion that might be more realistic or fair. He told me that is very unlikely. He is stubbornly STUCK within the JW religion and its beliefs. HOW, then, as I did not realize that this website is made of ex-JW's, have all of you ex-JW's become ex-JW's without being "condemned"? HOW, then, and WHAT does it take to free yourself from the JW'S grip of insanity and BACK to reasonable reality? WHAT can I DO to help him and HOW? ......BEFORE he is dead from her abuse... and HOW can I subtly persuade him to let go of the JW insanity?

  Thanks for your reply.
• 

  Peterpanippleskin

  Thank You for responding so quickly:

  Why has he NOT reported the physical abuse? GOOD QUESTION!!! I would have, too, had her ass in jail a long time ago! It is UNREAL that this stuff happens... but it is a very real fact... and it is scary. I am certain that his wife might one day end up killing him. Their daughter still lives there with them, but she hides to avoid being abused. She is 18 now and no longer practices the JW religion. Her father (my brother) STILL attempts to persuade her to practice the JW doctrine, in spite of its insane reasoning. He is so determined to BE a husband of the JW belief system, that he refuses to report the abuse... even if it kills him or his daughter! He believes that HE MUST remain married to this woman, although he is NOW thinking of divorce and has come to me (for the third time) to ask me if he should divorce her !!!!! I have told him MANY TIMES to dump her ass and get out... and to find a realistic religion. He tells me that the JW is the ONLY religion. It is absolutely INSANE!

  His wife is currently on medication for bipolar disorder, so you are correct about that. However, it has not helped and she has stopped seeking councelling, except when he brings up divorce each time... which includes this latest episode of telling her that he is going to file for divorce. Her response is: I must be a terrible mother and wife. As well as, quoting the JW regulations in an effort to keep him with her, as though what HE is going to do is sinful... and not what SHE is doing, as in, HE is at fault and not her. It is only going to keep the abuse perpetuating and possible the death of my brother while she continues to throw knives, bottles, pans, glass dishes and the alike at him. It is absolutely INSANE for him to stay married to her... and that he can never remarry without being "condemned" or disfellowshipped.

  I have told him that, in so many words, he is ALREADY spiritually "divorced" from her, since he no longer loves her AT ALL. I told him that HER ABUSE is her actions, which have caused his spirit to die inside... which is beyond his control. I told him, therefore, that it MUST BE a "higher power" (his God in the JW religion) who is "telling him" that he is already divorced from her... and that it is now only a matter of finalizing it legally... in human terms... by filing for a legal divorce, and so-on. My words have done little, if anything, to persuade him to let go of the JW doctrine and beliefs and to search for a realistic religion. He is STUCK hard to the JW doctrine, which has kept him in this abuse for the last 22 years! He STILL has not divorced her, and there is a chance that he won't! It is absolutely INSANE!!!

  He, his daughter and his abusive wife have been in therapy and marriage counelling. The therapist (a female) has mentioned to his wife (privately) that she (the therapist) believes that my brother will not divorce her. However, he is upset by the notion that he will be disfellowshipped and condemned, therefore, leaving him alone without a support network of people that he has been familiar with and associated with. He continually asks himself (and me) WHY he has been "called upon" to be married to someone so abusive? He can not come to terms with the "meaning" which would EXPECT HIM TO stay married and to never be able to remarry without being condemned under the JW doctrine. He is confused, lost, dismayed and upset. It is INSANE for him to remain married to this woman. I do not know how to subtly help him to "escape" from the insanity of the belief system of the JW religion or its beliefs. I have asked him if he would ever consider taking on a new religion or studying another religion that might be more realistic or fair. He told me that is very unlikely. He is stubbornly STUCK within the JW religion and its beliefs. HOW, then, as I did not realize that this website is made of ex-JW's, have all of you ex-JW's become ex-JW's without being "condemned"? HOW, then, and WHAT does it take to free yourself from the JW'S grip of insanity and BACK to reasonable reality? WHAT can I DO to help him and HOW? ......BEFORE he is dead from her abuse... and HOW can I subtly persuade him to let go of the JW insanity?

  Thanks for your reply.
• 

  wednesday

  I hope your brother can collect his wits and stay strong. I knew a sister who divorced her husband b/c he was bipolar and abusive. Thye did not do anything to her. If they try and DF your brother, tell him to appeal it. He must be in a hard line congreagation b/c Jehovha's witness are divorcing all the time now and most "get away with it" more or less. If he remarries they might DF him, but i wouldn't worry about that now. I would endure the pang of DF for a decent life. God that poor 16 yr old girl , living in that mess. She is likley to be totally messed up psychologically. If for no other reason (ie, he does not care if the bitch kills him) he should care if she is abusing the daughter. Why hasn't child protective authorties been called?

  Help your bro-don't stand by and wring your hands.

  get tough man, and help our bro get tough, contact Corvin he has had a simialr situation and might offer some sound advice. Help your bro get a lawyer. what she jis doing is against the law and just needs to be brought to the laws attention.

  good lucj man, get busy
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  Peterpanippleskin

  Thank You for responding so quickly:

  How can that be? I believe you... but "serving your time" and remarrying can not possibly be allowed under the JW doctrine... can it? HOW could THAT possibly be allowed? Is that widely accepted? or, Is that a rare and unusual case which is likely an isolated case?

  Thanks for your reply.
• 

  formerout

  Peterpan,

  I was condemned and kicked out but it was before my now ex-wife and I got married. I stupidly married her in what I thought would be an attempt to be "accepted" again. I ended up not going back because I researched and realized the religion was bogus. It took me ten more years of abuse (in the beginning we were both guilty of it, to be honest) before I woke up and left her.

  I can understand your frustration and concern about helping your brother now, but it may not be that simple, if he is so deeply ingrained in it. If he is 99.9% sure he is going to divorce her then I would keep reminding him that to do so is more important than risking his life and sanity for sure. After he divorces her, if he gets df'd, then you can remind him about how you have been there for him while he was a JW and after, as opposed to the JW's who would by this time be shunning him. That might help him see the light.

  What about the daughter? I think you said she is 18 now, so she can make her own decisions but I fear that maybe her decision will not be rational if she has seen her mother react how she has without suffering any consequences.

  The shunning part is rough, don't get me wrong, but try to prioritize the important things. Your brother probably can't see the forest for the trees. Get him and your niece the hell out of there first and deal with the rest after.

  I have been completely shunned by my whole family, but the big picture is that I am a lot happier now that I am out of the religion. Like your brother, I wouldn't have believed it before but it is true!!!!!

  Brad
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  wednesday

  peter check your personal messages.
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  formerout

  Peterpan,

  Yeah, typically people will be reinstated within 6 months as long as they go to all the meetings and "repent". God, in my opinion does not determine if they are repentant... the elders do. If he is meek and humble he's in again..... if he REALLY wants that... but once he's out, he may see things differently.

  Brad
• 

  wednesday

  i sent u my e-mail peter
• 

  Peterpanippleskin

  Thank You for responding so quickly.

  I agree with everything you wrote. I am helping him the best way that I know how at this time. Writing HERE in this forum is one of those ways. Knowledge is power and I am uninformed regarding the JW belief system. I was introduced to it by my brother long ago, and many times since by other JW witnesses that have come to my door. I have read about JW on the internet at their official website and each time I read or learn more I am convinced that it is INSANITY. I am lucky to have a 142 IQ, although being intelligent is not everything it is cracked up to be. I am simply human in search of answers to this dilemma. Humans are free to make choices and my brother has been influenced by one of the worlds largest groups of humans who "think alike" and persuade others on a great psychological level, in the name of religion under threat of their God or higher power and condemnation. Again, it is insane. I will do my best.

  Thank You for responding.