For those of us with active JW parents

by JustTickledPink 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  BrendaCloutier

  I understand Tickled.

  In my case, my parents are who they are by background... my mom being eldest of a large family became the caretaker for her siblings and that carried onto her relationship with my dad, him being the youngest of a large family. They didn't know how to give love except through caretaking because their parents were too busy raising huge families to give loving attention to each child. Mom was methodist and Dad ex Catholic when JW's knocked 'em up just before WWII. If they weren't JW's I don't think too much would have changed. Except that they adopted me because they knew my grandmother from the congregation, whom my birthmother was living with at the time.

  What's sad in so many cases is that people are who they are, and so much blame is placed on other things and issues, and the source of the problem goes on deeply hidden and never dealt with.

  Hugs

  Brenda
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  Midget-Sasquatch

  I've always wished for a life where my father didn't convert to JWs. At first, I thought it would eliminate all of the problems and arguments my folks had because that's what it always seemed to gravitate around. As I grew up, and they separately opened up about the past to me, I realized how much it had to do with themselves as people. The religion did bring things to the breaking point often though.

  My parents would always have treated me exactly the same. I'm dead sure my mother would never shun me even now. I'm pretty sure my Dad would also still find some reason to talk with me even if I were to be DF'ed for apostasy.

  I have nothing to complain about. They have been extremely caring for my physical needs and my mother in particular has also been keenly interested in my schooling. I'm sure they have given me their all even with this cult enmeshed into our lives. Its just provided one more reason for my being a disappointment to them. And given the supposed "stakes" to them, its robbed any extra joy that we may have had in our relationships.
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  Mulan

  My mother has neve shunned my brother, who has been df'd since 1978. She will never shun me if they get me. She doesn't shun my daughter. She says "family is family".

  They leave her alone too.

  I think the JW's are just made up of all kinds of people. Many of them cave to the pressure to shun their family members. After all, it makes them somewhat of a celebrity in their congregations, doesn't it? They are told over and over they are doing the right thing. There is nothing so powerful as the martyr complex.
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  Freedom Fighter

  My mum is still an active JW, although poor health prevents her from going out in field service. She has never shunned me or treated me any differently since I cut my ties with JWs. I suppose when I look back she has been very liberal and has let me get on with my life without too much condemnation.
  Religion has become one of those topics where we agree to disagree, although I have always been resentful about the amount of time spent on JW activity rather than spending more time with me. That's a small gripe compared with how it all could have turned out.
  
  FF
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  whyamihere

  I think my Mom would be different....but not just with me but her whole life! Less stressed and less depressed!

  I only stopped going to meetings a little while ago...I have not done anything wrong .....and she still speaks with me not as much but thats for other reasons! We are somewhat close but not that close. I wished we were. I have always come 2nd to my sister because I am more independent and she is not. There is so many issues with my relationship with my sister. I love her but I don't like her!

  My Dad has left and re-married he would have never shunned me if he was still in. And as I with him.

  Brooke
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  Evesapple

  After all, it makes them somewhat of a celebrity in their congregations, doesn't it? They are told over and over they are doing the right thing. There is nothing so powerful as the martyr complex.

  Boy does that say it all about my mother.....she's always made herself a victim all of her life. I'm sure when she goes to the Hall she gets from other's "poor sister T....how are you holding up with a DF'd daughter, we admire you for your strength and endurance....."
  
  
  I do believe we would still be close if she was not a JW, but she has a tendency to control, so my independence may not be to her liking even if I am a 36 year old woman married w/children.
  
  
  
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  liquidsky

  Welcome to the board Amused!
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  Poztate

  My question is: If your parents weren't a JW, do you think they would be normal, act kindly, be a real parent to you? Or would they still be cold and callused towards you, controlling, etc.

  Without the JW influence...no doubt in my mind that many parents would REVERT to being normal.

  The WT is a mind controlling CULT and sadly because of that a family relationship can never happen.
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  jws

  My mother died when I was still a JW, but my father and sisters are still JWs. They don't really shun me. I notice a little bit of uneasiness around me. But we still talk, see each other, etc.

  It's hard to say what things would have been like. My mother was a caring person inside our outside of the JWs. I can see that in her brothers and sisters who weren't JWs. Though if she had lived, I think she would have put a lot more pressure on me to stay a JW and perhaps would have tried to threaten me back in.

  My father? Growing up, he was always involved with the JWs in some way. He was an elder and on top of his very physical job as a carpenter, had elder duties to attend to. It seemed like he was always either tired, napping, working, preparing for a talk, going to an elder meeting, or doing something else JW-relaged. That meant little time for family. He always seemed grumpy and angry. He always cared for us and tried to give us what he could, but he was somewhat removed from our lives. Without the JWs, I think he may have been more involved, but the same person.

  After my mother died, he became a lot more emotional. I think his wanting to keep his relationship to his family was what allowed my brother and I to drift away. He didn't want to be too hard on us and drive us away from him. Almost 20 years later, I think he still has that feeling. He is still a part of our lives. But we have had to call a truce on talking religion. He has threatened me with cutting me off if I continue to argue about the JWs with him. So we leave it alone and get along fine.
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  Satanus

  The wt suits my mother's disposition well. She likes a rigid codified system where she can hide her self, keep emotions out of sight, out of range. Without the wt, she would still be mostly like that.

  S