I'm lucky; my entire family are JW's, but "cold and callused" and "controlling" doesn't define their normal behaviour. They gave up the controlling after I got married essentially because they tried to get me not to be involved with a certain sister. Now I think perhaps the Rage against the Machine ethic of "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me" needn't have involved a disastrous marriage. The bastards were right, is the worse thing.
Nowadays they are naturally 'normal' and act kindly. Well, the younger of my two older (Elder) brothers is an officious twerp, but my other brother is remarkably sane for a Dubbie. My parents are, for want of a better description, liberal Witnesses, although very well respected and known in their Cong, my father's been in since '47 and is a well known Elder, PO, and HLC member.
But there you have it. They are nice people, but step into an area of their life bisected by the twilight zone of their beliefs and it get freaky really quick. Educated and well-traveled one moment, arguing intently why babies should die rather than have a blood transfusion the next.
It's keeping the freaky 'next' bits as few and far between that works for me. As they are in their '80's I have no desire, assuming I could, to stage an attack on their beliefs. They have tried discussing things with me since I left. On those occasions I always make it clear I feel that I am restricted in what I feel I can say, that I know some of my opinions conflict with their beliefs, and I do not want to put them into a situation where they felt they had a conflict of conscience over whether they should be in contact with me (I just left, BTW, not df'd or da'd).
This does make them blink a bit, and then assure me of their love for me no matter what, and they've been true to that.
These are, for them intensely frustrating and unprofitable; smart and educated they might be, but they know shit about science. My twerp-brother, mentioned above, was constantly making these straw-man misrepresentations of what I was saying, which I always called him on. He just didn't get it (thought amusingly his wife agreed with me). Of course, using such a phrase as 'logical fallacy' got them all rolling their eyes and tilting their heads back like spooked horses. V. funny. They didn't like me citing the Boreans as a fine example of being careful about what they believed and researching to see if what they were told was true.
"Truth need not hide" is a rather hard concept to attack.
I think because of this they like to cultivate little conceits - like I am no longer a Dubbie because I am embarrassed about my divorce and don't feel I can return (Ha! Hahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahaha!), rather than me not being a Dubbie because (as my daughter succinctly put it) I think it is silly.
So religion doesn't come up. One can ignore the 1.7 comments per day that have a little spin or edge on them... most of the time. And my mum does keep asking me when I'll marry my girlfriend, but I'm not bothered by it. My dad tends to shut my mum up if she gets going. She's a smart women but when she gets emotional in a discussion becomes increasingly over-the-top and inevitably says something silly I react on.
I say I have four parents. Two lovely ones I love. And two mad cultists.
They behaved themselves perfectly when introduced to my girlfriend's parents recently. Religion was not discussed, a lovely meal was eaten, they were charming and entertaining. My gf's parents were a little non-plussed; they had been extensively briefed and were expecting, I think, a little more of the glittery-eyed-spittle-lipped routine. Hell, they even got my dad's war stories.
My mum even managed to write a very sweet, 99% cult-free thank-you letter, bless her.
The 1% was calling Christmas and Boxing Day 'Saturday' and 'Sunday', when saying they'd be having a meal on each day at one of my brother's houses. She was delighted as it was the first 'holiday period' she hadn't cooked in in 56 years!
Essentially, she's been preparing Christmas and Boxing Day meals just like everyone else, but avoids the word 'Christmas' like some people avoid the word 'cunt'.
My girlfriend and I found this v. funny.
They are in their 80's. I don't want to reduce their life to something meaningless, even if I could. My brothers get what they ask for, but once my parents die, they get the red pill/blue pill choice; let me say my mind or choose to not ask and not be told what I think (and to return the same).
My nephews get what they ask for too. They have, unlike me, family they can talk to if they are on the edge. But only one really is; I have a feeling once he qualifies and can move from home and support himself the reason why he still hasn't got round to being baptised yet will be seen.
He plays his cards very close to his chest though, goes to meeting, out in service, blah, blah-blah, blah. Invitations for the nephs to come and stay are smoothly deflected; they want to keep them out of my grips, me thinks.
My kids really have no belief in Dubbism left, even though their mum still gives lips-service to it, she's inactive. I see them regularly and each year the fear they might get sucked in recedes. The right things said at the right times help.
My daughter figured out why the Israelites clearing of the 'Promised Land', given the barbarism they did it with and the claims that the orders came from god, meant that either the orders didn't come from god, or that god isn't very nice in five minutes of structured questioning over a McDonald's at the age of twelve. No prompting, just questions. My younger daughter knew at 7; the 'because it's silly' was her way of phrasing why I didn't believe.
Have a hairy Christ's arse everyone!