Got Busted By Wife?She Said She Want Tell.(update) (page 4)

reagan_oconnor

Mom smoked for years, when the JWs declared it was "demonized" (I smell a link to a recent thread here) she quit. Hates the smell, taste, etc. now, must sit in non-smoking, freaked when she found out my husband was a smoker.

When I met him, I didn't know for about a month that he was a heavy smoker... about 3/4 of a pack a day (heavy to me, OK?). I myself had picked up the habit at 20, would buy a pack and take 4 months to smoke it, so it was no big deal to me to stop.

Problem was, his employment contract indicates that he cannot smoke, or he can be terminated. Kinda stupid for him to start back up, no? He finally quit about four months later (smoked on and off for 20 years). Seriously tough time for our relationship; he *had* to do the patch, was cranky as hell... I *never* want to go there again.

Jim, I think it's great that your wife is nonchalant about the issue; I hope she doesn't blindside you with a sudded "act of conscience"... you know how it can be...

Cheers,
Reagan

I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.

zev

No Comment.

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Zev
The greatest consistancy of the WTBTS is their INconsistancy.

safe4kids

Hehehehe Bugs...did I ever tell you that I set track records in school?? So you'd better run!

And Tracy...there you go rewriting history again. You KNOW it's all your fault. But I will give you the drink story...you were always kind like that to me....hey! I just realized...maybe my drinking problem was all your fault too!!! I luv ya Trace; you're the best!!

Love,
Dana

"A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Big Jim

(Reply To Somebody)

I had just finished a smoke in the back of my office, my wife was not expected to show up for a couple of hours,well I walked around the building to come back inside and there she was,well she actually had kind of suspected it due to my weird behavior of wanting to go to the store are out all the time, at this particular moment after just lighting up she wanted a kiss and I gave her just a little peck which is not like me so she said for me to give her a good kiss and I made up an excuse which she did not buy so I confessed.

There is more to this story that has developed today when I get time today I will update. (it is not good)

safe4kids

BigJim,

Sorry to hear there have been recent developments that sound like they are negative. I hope that all goes well for you....

Dana

"A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

blondie

Well, the part of the problem might be if the elders find out she knew you were smoking and didn't turn you in, she would be in big trouble. It takes 2 witnesses to make it a judicial matter unless the rules have changed. If she is the only one who has seen you smoking, you could just deny it. Of course, I don't know all the details.

Personally, I worry about my friends that smoke...cancer. I have lost 3 relatives and 2 friends to lung cancer...all smokers. I miss them. The relatives had emphesyma (sp?) and suffocated. The friends wasted away to nothing before they died. So Big Jim, I recommend chocolate.

Big Jim

A day has passed since my wife has found out about my bad habit. Well my Dear Wife has had a very hard time excepting me as a non-JW, she cannot stand the fact that I go out on her meeting nights and do Karaoke,she cannot stand the fact that I am not at the meetings with her and she feels alienated because no one will invite her to there homes because of my stand.

I really think what bothers her most is that I have freedom and she hates the fact that she does not, however she is so brainwashed by the borg that she refuses to face the facts.

Well here is what she told me this morning, she said that she cannot believe that I do everything that she hates,she said she did not marry a wordly man and that she wishes that I would get out of her life if I am going to continue the way that I am.

I have never been un-faithfull to her but for some reason she is determined that since I do all these terrible things the next thing that I will get involved in is adultery. So today she told me that she wants me to wear a condom now during sex.(she is tripping)

I love my wife very much as well as my four children however she believes that I do not love them because I will not come back to the so called truth.

I do not want to seperate from my wife and family so the only thing that I can think of to stop the madness is to tell her that if she forces me out that I will do everything in my power to teach my children the truth about the non-truth.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks In Advance.

reagan_oconnor

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this! I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone...

I will do everything in my power to teach my children the truth about the non-truth

IMO... I think that this *may* come across as a threat to her, and we all know how JWs react to "threats"... the sympathetic ears in the congregation will tell her that "Satan is using him to test you" and all of that garbage. Someone has been filling her head (e.g., that condom-nonesense). I wish I had more to offer; maybe you could try telling her that you didn't marry a cult member, but that's what she's turned into! (yeah, that will go over really well...)

So sorry, you're in my thoughts...

Reagan

I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.

blondie

Last I checked, smoking was not grounds for a scriptural separation let alone a scriptural divorce. I knew a sister whose husband was an elder that was disfellowshipped in 1973 for smoking. She stayed with him until the day she died. She didn't like his smoking, but she felt her love for him was not predicated on his being without sin. When I think of all the experiences where wives stayed with non-witness husbands who beat them it makes me mad to think that a sister would even consider leaving her husband because of smoking. I know another sister whose non-witness husband smoked but they had an agreement, he did not smoke in the house or the car or around the children. They were a happy couple down to the day he died (unfortunately from lung cancer). As long as you don't interfere with her going to the meetings and training your children, I would think the elders have no scriptural leg to stand on regarding her leaving you. Of course, elders are known not to always follow scriptural principles.

Well, BigJim, I don't know what kind of communication existed between you and your wife before this, but use all the skills you have to find out why this has to be a war. I grew up in a family where my parents fought all the time. There were unfounded accusations every day.

I'm sure your wife knows that smoking does not lead to adultery...there are many smokers that are faithful spouses. It sounds like your wife is looking for an excuse to leave or make you leave. I ask, do you love your children, more than yourself. If so, don't leave without trying hard to stay. Your children need you in the home giving them love and support. If you leave, I guarantee it will not make it easier to do this. It will be harder financially as well.

Don't involve your children in your religious issues. This is definitely a case of actions speak louder than words.

Butting in as always,
Blondie

Big Jim

I thank both of you Reagen and Blondie for your thoughtfullness on this matter, believe me I do not want to leave and it will be her forcing me out before I do.

Got Busted By Wife?She Said She Want Tell.(update)

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