help and advice needed plz

confused-n-abused

hello,im 14 years old and i am a jehovahs witness.i have done research after things happened that didnt make sense to me.my sister has been disfellowshiped and is now out of the organization married wth 2 sons.my brother stopped going to the meetings and is engaged to be married to a non wittness in march of 05.my other brother has been reading apostate material and now doesnt believe this is the right religion and is very confused as am i.my mother is a avid witness was baptized in 1975 and pioneered for a while in the 80's.i love my mom very much,but i know this isnt the right religion and i want out.im not baptized but i was born in the truth so im on the ministry school and everything and im an unbaptized publisher.when my mom finnally finds out im leaving the truth it will break her heart as she really believes this is the right religion,and shes already had 3 kids do so.how can i leave without breaking her heart?i would stick it out for the next 3or4 years,just for her,but i really dont want to.plz help me figure things out.

whyamihere

I think the best thing for you to do is be Honest!

Be honest with yourself, your heart, and your mother. I know its easier said than done but I of 24 years of age have to do the same thing. It may be easier for me because I do not live with my mother.

Maybe pray about it? However be honest with yourself! I truly hope the best for you and your family!

Brooke WI

unbeliever

You can't leave w/o breaking her heart. My mom's heart broke when all 4 of her kids left it. You can't live your life to please her. It only invites misery. Since you are only 14 do you think she will let you leave it? After I was done with the org she still tried to force me to attend meetings. I told her I would go live with my dad if she did not back off. It worked. Though that has not stopped her from trying to use emotional blackmail. Watch out for that.

talley

And whatever you do or don't do at this particular time, please do not let yourself be 'persuaded' to be baptized. One can always use the excuse that it is such a serious matter that Jesus himself was 30 years old when he was baptized - a fully mature adult.

jaredg

i'd say for now just hang in there but DON'T GET BAPTISED. don't focus on the religion thing...go to school, make good grades, go to college and once you are out of the house do what you want. as long as you don't get baptised you can't get df'd.

confused-n-abused

she will definitly do everything in her power to not let me leave,so no she will not just willingly let me leave.but i dont know if i should just put up with it or not.since she wont let me spend the night at my brothers house that just left,the organization and her house,he moved out,he jsut turned 19,i wont be able to go to the new years party that i was going to go to with him which really sucks.all i know is,se will not let me leave te oranization and live at er ouse.maybe i could sumow live wit my bro or dad.i dont know.

BrendaCloutier

Confused, dearheart.

First, don't get baptized. It will reduce much of the shunning you and your mother have to deal with.

Second, you are only 14 and need to have a home until you can support yourself. Is you dad a JW? Are your mom and dad together? If no to both, can you live with him if you need to? (Do you want to? Is it safe?)

I do think you should talk with your mother. Let her know your concerns, including your concern about breaking her heart. It may be that you will need to continue going through the motions for a while.

Whatever you do, relax. You are young and at 14 everything seems monumentous and insurmountable.

Hugs!

Brenda

PS I was baptized in 1971 at 14, and got married in 1975 at 18 ... But I left at 20.

lisaBObeesa

Boy, do I know how you feel. I have been there. I can't tell you what you should do, but I can tell you what I did. I was so worried about hurting my parents by leaving the JWs.....

I quietly stayed and didn't rock the boat until I was about 17. Then, I gently tried to tell my mom I didn't want to be a JW...she didn't really hear me...she just thought I was going though a phase, etc.

I was hoping maybe they would let me choose to not be a JW, but it was not to be. As long as I was living in their home, I had to got to all the meetings, the whole deal, 100%. Then I did some big boat-rocking around that time, pointing out every thing wrong with the JWs I saw, telling mom and dad how I really felt, but eventually I decided to just calm down again and keep my mouth shut (for the most part) untill I turned 18. It was hurting my mom too much...I didn't want to fight with her for a year or more over something I had already decided. Also, I had no place to go if I left home at that young age, and really I was not ready to leave the nest.

Once I turned 18 and had a plan, a job and a place to live, I quietly told my Mom and Dad that I was moving out, because I didn't want to be a JW any more. I told them I didn't believe it and I didn't want to live a lie the rest of my life. I really did my best to try to spare my parents feelings. It was heart-breaking, and difficult. I couldn't stay in a lie just because my mom believed it.

I really love my parents, even though they raised me JW. And I know and knew they love me. I didn't want to hurt them. And I didn't want to loose them! But I had to choose how MY life was going to go based on what was best for me.

I was lucky. They did not shun me. Years later, my mom is out of the JWs now, but my dad is still in. My brother is out, but my sister is still in.

One important thing I have to say is that if you are not baptised yet, DON'T. Put it off any way you can.

take care and keep posting,

LisaBOBeesa

seattleniceguy

Hey CNA,

Welcome to the board! That's a tough spot you're in. You do have a really good thing going in that you're not baptized. The good thing about that situation is that you can fade back and nobody will shun you (at least, they're not offically required to). So you should be able to be honest with yourself and still keep your family.

It's great that you're thinking and talking about this stuff. I hope you learn a lot here, and I look forward to seeing you around!

SNG

Midget-Sasquatch

Hi Confused,

I really empathize with you. You've gotten alot of great advice so far. Only thing I can think of adding is to try and get yourself a part-time job in your highschool years, whether you stay with your mom or whatever.

That way if you're stuck with the JW life for a while longer, you can hopefully get the job to conflict with alot of field service and meetings. If you can contribute some cash to the household (its a nice thing to do in and of itself), you'll be getting some leverage to keep it.

But don't lose focus and forget about your schooling. Thats the real ticket to long term freedom. Keep the endgame in mind. Best of luck to you kiddo.

help and advice needed plz

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