by starcrossedpimp 33 Replies latest jw experiences
You've gotten some good advise here SCP, it's a hard road to travel. You should NEVER compromise yourself for someone else. If you are willing to study to show her that you are trying, why isn't she willing to try your side of the fence?? There is no gray area with the JW's it's black or white. She is in fear of losing family & friends, not you. Tough road. I wish you well, keep reading here and it will help you. I'm not a JW but I do have the experience of having loved one. Good luck.
SK
that for a time being ..
you meet her and tell her that you are going to be a bible study , (please rmmbr that this is reply of game they(parents r playing) ....tell her that ....u will start ...)
make her beleive that you are not opose to study GOD.....BUY TIME
thisis the key to any hope that ever exists
i have mailed you 2 LONG PMs.....
do mail me back ...i wait ..to hear
i have lost mine..but i will try and save any one's i can
anuva
i still reccomend to give any chance to your LOVE.....
BUY OUT TIME....to check the heart and conscience of your Gf......if there is any hope ..(to find that it takes at least few months).....then you must fight and then lose better for sake of love , than surrendering ...
.truth doesnot bends for like sof our love and like that, the counless tales od abused wives , children and teenagers and CRUEL ELDERS and WTS...disfellowshipping them ....if not for bible, JWs do not have OFFICIAL humanity TOO..
but it must be kindly and lovingly TOLD to HER ....
very slowly and kindly , and that can only be don by having a bible study ....later on u can quit if u feel she is brushing all under carpet....for sake of ORG started in 1879 , and not GOd and bible
anuva
we have HOPE.....
but you need to play games that her parents and WTs WANTS you too ...
mail me if you deide to go ahaed with a bible study and sterlising yourself against any WTS study . i will do my best to support you .
We ended up hugging and then she said "I want to be with you for the rest of my life". We ended up kissing and this is after she had a judicial committee grant her a reproval if she indeed changes her ways. This tells me that the fear is toward the human organization and not to God. Because if it was toward God Himself, she would be much more fearful of Him seeing her performing this "satan-like behavior". (You know -like kissing the one you love?) So that was that
This is all good advice- just what I need. I'm sure we all know how much it helps. I just realized that I left out yet another important part of the soap opera....
When her parents found out about us, she was in new mexico w/ her brother visiting his girlfriend and her fam. I'm not sure why, but her parents confronted me while she was there. Probably because we were apart and wouldn't be able to communicate. Anyway, her brother, after he found out ,was very mean to her for the remainder of their trip. He asked her, "How can you be in love with someone that already has a kid?" She told him it didn't matter and I was a good person. He then said,"From now on you aren't my sister anymore." He is older too (21) but apparently very immature and has such a lack of compassion, a lack of knowledge of human emotion. She was miserable for the rest of her "vacation".
The day after her parents found out, her father called me and asked me not to call her while she was in New Mexico because it was ruining the brother's vacation. I agreed, but she ended up calling me. Her parents were tracking the phone use online. I didn't want to call her because she is in new mexico and here I am in Florida living only two miles away from her parents. So I didn't know if her father would have come over here to my house or something. I just can't talk to her parents. They have VERY strong accents and just looking at them is intimidating. Anyway, the night after she arrived back in Florida, she called me on her way home from work. She sounded excited and said, "Remember how you said we have never had a real date before?" (I had said this a few months earlier.)"Well we might be able to do that tonight." She said that her dad was going to allow us to talk somewhere all by ourselves-NO CHAPERONE! We were just going to go to the movies or something. She said that she just had to shower and that she waould call me. So it's about 7:15 p.m. and my phone rings- it's her mother. She starts telling me that She WILL NOT ALLOW THIS! (even though the father said it would be OK - I think mother is the head of household) She told me that her daughter has a lot of growing up to do and I should be telling her to stay away from me. So here I am put in this position. i should be telling my gf to stay away from me!!!! Because I am the older one -what is that??? How do you put someone in that position?? I just answered "yes" to everything her mother said and meanwhile, my gf has called me (on her cell) 4 times on the other line. I thought this was weird b/c they are in the same house. I told her mother that I had to click over. My gf was crying uncontrollably. She said her mother and she just got into a huge fight- her mother put her up aganst the wall and was shaking her. I guess she told her that she wouldn't leave the house w/o being black and blue. I thought that was nice. So my gf wanted me to pick her up. Keep in mind I have never been to this house before (well at least when her parents were there). I told her that wouldn't be a good idea. This is because her parents said that they could take my child away from me.Bbecause we were sort of seeing each other when she was 17 and they could press charges. So I didn't know how serious they were, but I was not at all willing to get my son involved in this. I doubt they could even do anything b/c we had barely even kissed up to that point.(I think)
Anyway while we were on the phone she said that she was going to tell them that she didn't care and was going over to see me. I said "if you do that, make sure they aren't going to call the police or something." So we hung up and she was going to either come over or call depending on what their reaction was. I was very nervous, b/c I was expecting this big scene at my house which I really did not want. She called me and said that It probably wouldn't have been a good idea for her to come over. They said they would call the police. So we just talked on the phone. I was talking to her about the year 1914 and how they still believe that the world will end before the last person born in or before 1914 dies. I said, "What are you going to do when the last person from that year or before dies??" She said, "I guess I won't believe it anymore." WELL.................apparently her mother was listening to her conversation through the bedroom door and didn't like hearing her daughter say that. She started knocking on the door and I could hear my gf saying, "what do you want? what do you want? why can't you talk to me through the door?" Then there was screaming she said "They're trying to break down my door !!!!!!!" and the phone hung up. Needless to say I was freaked out, heart racing, not knowing what to do. So I got in my car and went over there- drove around the house a few times. I thought I saw someone run out so I came back around, but no one was there. I parked my car down the street and stood in front of her house for about 45 minutes. I could hear her- she was sitting outside coughing. They took her phone away from her so we couldn't talk but I was standing right outside and she didn't know it. I didn't want to make myself heard b/c her father could probably get violent.
Around 1:15 a.m. my phone rings- it;s her and everything sounds fine. She said she was reading Scriptures with her father. I got very very mad. I told her "well I guess you have made your decision then" She said, "I haven't made any decision." I don't remember what else we talked about b/c I was so angry that before she was basically telling me that she was afraid to be in her house and now she's reading Scriptures with her father.
more to come.....maybe
If they are leaving bruises on her, it is SHE who can call the police. That's domestic violence and her parents could be arrested and punished. As to getting you into trouble, dating someone under 18 isn't a crime, having actual intercourse might be. I say "might" because the age of consent varies from state to state and in many 17 isn't a crime. They would also have to prove it.
Also they have NO power to take away your child from you. They can report you to CPS, and that can mean a lot of aggravation and trouble, but there is still the burden of proof that you are a danger to your child. Even a crime conviction doesn't prove you are an unfit parent. Think - OJ Simpson didn't lose his kids (though he was not convicted in criminal court, enough evidence existed to prove his guilt in civil court). That's because while he had been proven dangerous to his ex-wife, there was no evidence his kids were at risk. It's a bit twisted, but true! The public systems are overloaded and they don't want to take children away from parents. Don't let them intimidate you.
Now onto your relationship. Love isn't rational and when we feel it, letting go feels like it isn't possible. However, when it comes to making a long term relationship or marriage work, you DO NEED to be rational. Incompatibility on any significant issue IS a problem that usually doesn't go away. Incompatibility can be something that seems surmountable - like one of you wanting kids and the other not, to what you are incurring now - parents who will do anything they can to keep you apart.
Anyway you look at it, you are looking at nearly impossible odds of success. IMHO, you should let her go and begin to move on. She is legally an adult and has a job too. If she REALLY wants to leave her religion and family, and if she is mature enough to do so, she will and then she will come to you. If she isn't ready to do either, you have your answer, because if she doesn't or isn't, your relationship is not only doomed but likely to continue to inflict the horrendous pain it is causing both of you now.
So you have to choose - bite the bullet now and let her go, or drag it out and make it hurt more.
You do have to think about self-prservation here, you cannot begin to compromise who you are (remember she loves you as you are and this is what you want, not as you maybe could be (a dub)). You have to think about your child too. If you choose to masquerade as a dub to win the girl, you are also choosing a very restrictive life for your child. You may want to talk to parents and see if this is a course you would find acceptable, but given the way your girl's parents are treating her, do you want that kind of life for your child???
It may actually boil down to that - what MIGHT be best for your girl and possibly you, or what might be best for your child.
I knew of a baptized pioneer sister who was in a similar situation. She was about 22, living at home. All of her family are devout witnesses. She, though, was secretly dating a 'worldly guy'. Her family did not know, but I worked with her and she told me. This was before my fading, but I wouldn't have gone to the elders. The girl was over 18, I felt her decisions were her own.
Finally she & the guy flew to Vegas and got married. Her family didn't know that was where she was going and what she planned on doing. They just went away for the weekend and came back married. She was never disfellowshipped for it. And they've been married about 4 years now. Although it took awhile for the family to accept it. Maybe an option for you, Starcrossedpimp.
what do YOUR parents have to say about all this....?
Being the girl in this exact situation pretty much, I made my man study then get baptized and we were married 3 months later. He stayed in for about a year then faded, I followed suit about 2 years later.
Here is my advice. Marry her!! If she is the one for you and you know it and she knows it, convince her to marry you. ELOPE!!! If you have to, offer to go to the meeting and sit beside her every meeting until she gets reinstated (if she is disfellowshipped). That way you will be under no obligation to study and get baptized, and DON'T just attend meetings, but it will also show that you care about her and respect her right to religion. If you get married, she will probably fade. Try to get a GREAT job in a town 30 minutes away and move there so fading will be easier on her. That is what it took for me. As long as you go to the same congregation as your parents, it is EXTREMELY difficult to fade. Hope this helps.
You don't sound like much of a pimp to me... who's the boss in this relationship anyway? You talk about her mom running the show who exactly is running YOUR show? Be a man go knock on the door and say "thats my GF and if you touch her again the cops won't get here fast enough to save your a$$" Then if they give you any $hit YOU call the cops standing right there on their door step! Then the cops will take YOUR side they are ABUSING their daughter!
She would respect you a lot more for standing up for her!
Here's my take on it when you see her at work say this is how it is stay here with me and leave this bull$hit religion or go with them and were over...
And bit*h slap her mom even from here she's pissing me off!
