As a mom of two teen girls and a woman who still remembers the passions of teen love, I can say that I do genuinely believe that your feelings are as intense as you say they are. I do not want to take away from that with what I am about to say. I will also say that at 16, it is a FACT that neither of you has enough life experience to make major life decisions.
I read an article in Time Magazine a few months back where they've now done research that demonstrates that the teenage brain doesn't fire synapsys the same way a more mature brain does. In other words, it supports what every parent of a teen already knew - that from a teen's perspective you really think you know everything, yet it is truly not possible yet for you to have a mature perspective. Teens react far more often on emotion. When it comes to marriage and the rest of your life, you cannot afford to make decisions on emotion alone, you have to truly be able to step aside and look at the practical side of things.
For example, you talk of being in a magnet school (usually this means gifted kids, so I am assuming you are above average in intelligence and academic ability) and wanting a career somewhere in the medical field. Did your friend explain to you that the JWs discourage higher education? As my bf explained it, there are two reasons for this: 1. they don't want their members to take on careers that demand too much of them because it is MORE important for them to spend their time putting in hours preaching (btw..JWs are required to put in time ministering), and 2. there's little reason to prepare for the future because the end is near. Armageddon is upon us (per their teachings) and those who have excepted their teachings (and ONLY their teachings) AND who obey all the rules and put in enough hours preaching will be saved and enter the new system. The rest of us - WILL DIE.
Yeah, you read that right, if he is a true believer and he loves you, if you don't become a witness, and if your children aren't witnesses, you are all doomed. That belief is one of the biggest things you will deal with because if he believes, it will tear his heart apart. If he leaves and his family believes, it will tear their hearts apart. A loving child has a very tough time doing that to their family, and if they try, the guilt heaped on them is overwhelming.
This is no ordinary religion where you can call yourself a member, and still live as you choose or on the fence. It's IN or OUT.
So in addition to all the normal youth related caveats against getting too serious at your age (which pretty much anyone over 25 is going to warn you about), you have this added, enormous elephant in the room.
He can't date you unless he wants to marry you. At your ages, you need to be thinking about building careers and a life before you can build a family. If you were 26, then maybe you should be dealing with the JW thing and figuring out if there is a solution, but at 16, you really should settle back and enjoy your friendship and not tie up your heart so young.
Yes, you've had some lemons for relationships, this probably doesn't come as much of a surprise to you - teen boys suck! (at least they do when it comes to committed relationships) And just to be fair, I'm sure you've seen plenty of girls pull some mighty brutal tricks on the guys too. The teen years are full of raging hormones and LEARNING how to have a relationship. It takes most of us years, if not a lifetime to develop the skills to have a truly rewarding relationship.
Yes I do believe your love is intense, that's a direct result of the hormones and brain chemistry of a teen. However that intensity will blind you to common sense. At your age, relationships aren't meant to last a lifetime so enjoy the intensity but resist the urge to believe it is truly deeper or stronger than it is.
He's far too young to try to choose between you and his family, and what little you've said indicates he doesn't know where he stands on his religion. He MUST FIGURE THAT OUT HIMSELF.
You each must grow into adults first. Enjoy your friendship, a good friend is something to be treasured, but step back on the romance until your lives are on clearer tracks. Until you each find your individual life tracks, you cannot determine if they mesh.
Does that make sense? I tried not to get too preachy, however like many on this board, we've lived through it, and watched others we love go through it. There is life well beyond 16 for most of us. You have only begun to grow and the changes you will experience in the next decade are so enormous, you will not be the same person then as you are now. Neither will he.
I sense by your posting here, that on some level, you already know it isn't going to work, but letting go is so hard. I don't know if this helps, but letting go of someone you love, especially when they are a good person, because the timing is wrong or they are just the wrong person doesn't really get any easier with age. The only thing that changes is the addition of the wisdom of knowing what constitutes a real deal breaker, and that odds are he is not your last love.
Trust the world and have faith in YOURSELF. He is not likely to be even remotely your last chance or your best chance of a loving relationship.
