Kristina, I admire your maturity. I'm a mom whose teen daughter was dating a very nice JW. I actually got busy right away and learned as much as I could about this cult. And that is what it is. I even have a couple of close family members in it but didn't really know much about it. Once I found out, I knew I would do all I could to educate my daughter. I will tell you this: She was/is a sweetheart, so is he. But this major issue caused SO much stress on her ...well, I would never wish that on anyone. She was not emotionally mature enough to deal with it. They loved each other and spent almost 3 yrs dating; now, at almost 23, she says she wasted those yrs. It was draining. But all of life is an experience; you are wise to move on, but be ready this guy could tug hard at your heart. Let go and Let God.
What happens when a JW wants to be with a non JW? PLEASE RESPOND
by kristina24/7 40 Replies latest social relationships
-
-
bebu
kristina24/7,
I would like to add a suggestion that I didn't see here yet. And that is: spend some time on www.freeminds.org and look thru some of the biggest controversies that are affecting this religion today. Especially, I ask you to read about the UN scandal, the 607 BCE date debacle, and the pedophile protection protocol of the WatchTower. (I ask boycrazy to do the same.) Of course, there's always the regular standby material: the unfulfilled "Armageddon" prophecies which were not fulfilled for 1874, 1914, 1915, 1925, and 1975. YOU CAN RESEARCH AND VERIFY ALL INFORMATION EASILY VIA THE INTERNET.
Then, once you understand even a few of the scandals that are bursting out of the seams of this religion, approach your boyfriend and tell him that you have uncovered some distressing information about the JWs while trying to understand the religion better. He might be pleased to hear your interest, but will tell you that the internet is full of lies. Nevertheless, ask him if he would investigate something and help you understand where the mistake is. You could ask him, for example, why the WatchTower was secretly a member of the UN for 10 years...
I make this suggestion because if there IS any chance of succeeding with this relationship, you can start the ball rolling now. The internet is a blessing, believe me. If he can, over the next year or two, start researching and making his mind up about the JWs after learning some REAL information about them, then you can determine his character by how he responds. That won't erase the trouble with his family--unless they, too, "stumble" across this information and make a break.
Anyway... I hope you will find some hope in that.
bebu
-
adelmaal
I wish I would have made the decision you are going to make when I was 15! I was a caucasion non-JW dating a Mexican unbaptized 16 year old JW. His parents gave him lots of grief. He thought the JWs had the truth but he didn't want to live it. He was dating me and we were sleeping together. We were in love/infatuated. He was my first love.
I asked him so many questions and he was so vague. He resented me asking questions because I think he didn't really know the answers and it made him feel like he should have answers. We had been dating for 2 years (friends for a year prior to that) and he told me if I really wanted to know what his religion taught I should just study with them and find out for myself. Big mistake!
Long story short I ended up studying with the JWs and we both got baptized together about 6 months to a year later. We stopped having sex when I was studying (that was hard!) and we ended up dating for about 2 more years. It was really hard. His family resented me when I wasn't a JW and then even after we got baptized they gave us a hard time saying we were too young to date and we either needed to get married or break up. They wanted all our dates chaperoned. I was not ready to be married at 18 and I ended up breaking up with him.
Through all the drama with his family and that relition he never stood up for me and our relationship. It really took a toll on our relationship and the worst part is after breaking up I stayed in that religion because I believed all the bullshit they fed me. Being in that relition caused me to cut off ties with my family and all my non-JW friends, give up the tennis team and softball team in high school, pass up all the school dances, graduate highschool early by skipping my senior year and doing independant studies instead so I could pioneer (be a missionary) in their religion, I passed up college, I got married too young, I ended up divorced and expelled, shunned by all my JW friends and a single mom with a child to raise and a major ulcer!
As others have said here... Run!!!
Please learn from my experience so you don't have to learn for yourself. I know how hard that can be but I hope you will stick to it and do what is best for you and your boyfriend in the long run. The odds of it working and you being happy are slim to none. I know you love him. It was the hardest thing for me to break up with my boyfriend when he proposed at 18 because of the pressure to get married. It took a year for our relationship to finally really end. You can do it. I should have run as soon as I found out he was a JW. Would have saved me lots of pain over the years.
-
czarofmischief
as a former dub who was literally "rescued" by my czarina, I can't say anything; except: 16 is a little young to be making these decisions. But here is my main point:
1.) being a Jehovah's Witness is the wrong choice. The organization's leaders are liars, cheats, and will defraud you of your time, money, and emotions. Stay away from them!
2.) Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy; but the road ahead for him is harder than can be described. A path of thorns, indeed. Either he a)breaks up with you and remains a JW or b) converts you and remains a JW or c) leaves the JW's and all of his family to be with you.
a) the least painful in the long term.
b) not a good choice for YOU
c) puts a lot of pressure on a pair of 16 year olds to make a success of something... when he can't even rent an apartment, buy a car, or get a job - and neither can you.
I cannot make your choice for you. Good luck!
CZAR
-
anuva
dear kristina
it is not just a matter of asking simple question, it is a vast set of mad beleifs.....beleiving living and preaching like a Prophet, and tell people that earth is going to end,....and be ready to die if we ever need blood transfusion to save ourselves...because god will get angry if we save our lives taking transfusion, you need to study JWs deeply, Officially they never show their REAL self..."appearances are fake"
don't take my word for this, study yourself.....and to be specific..
you can ask your BF...if anything in his religion truens our to be UNBIBLICAL, will he leave JWs for sake of truth and God?
answer will tell you everything, rememebr he should say this way or that way if he is real honest person, otherwise he will escape the question by saying..JWs have the truth etc....
love and peace
anuva
-
cooljoe
well, it has to be a well thought of,becouse in such matters, such has this is a personal issue,but some time if the non jw,has questionable behaviuers,then ,one has to stop such friendship,that all.
-
Xyron
If you are a Jehovah's Witness and you date someone who is not, you are breaking a rule. I don't care to try and explain or justify this rule, but I'm telling you now, that's how it is.
If he's dating you and is a Jehovah's Witness, he undoubtedly knows good and well about this rule so the fact that he's dating you means he doesn't have a very strong belief in the religion.
You can approach the situation in a number of ways. I don't know what your current religious affiliation is but if you're a christian of some sort I suggest you study the bible independant of any relgious literature of any kind. Both of you work together to decide what the right religion for you all is. If it happens to be Jehovah's Witnesses, then so be it.
As far as what will happen to him goes, he can only be disfellowshipped if he is a baptised Jehovah's Witness. The elders of his congregation will likely seek to speak with him and share some scriptures and advice with him but he doesn't have to accept. I admit, the Whole situation will probably be sticky because his whole family are Witnesses but it's something you'll have to deal with. His family may avoid speaking with him in the future if he chooses to leave the religion but more likely they will strongly disapprove and continue to associate with him. At the very least they are obligated to care for their son until he comes of age to leave home(18 years old). I've seen various incidents like this and they are rarely as big of a deal as people think.
I have a friend who is african american and he basically left the religion, hanging out with his cousin who got him into a variety of seedy activities. When he left he was younger and I don't recall anything happening really because at the time his parents and himself weren't going to meetings but once a month or less anyhow. Recently though he decided that he should give the religion a second chance since his grandfather seemed to believe it so whole heartedly. He views his grandfather as a very wise person and knew he wouldn't blindly follow anything yet he had been a witness for many years. Since then, he's been baptized and about 2 weeks ago was appointed as a ministerial servant. So leaving the religion doesn't always result in horrible conflicts and he could return later if he feels it's the right course for him.
I know another fellow who also happens to be african american and he's currently living in an apartment with a woman who is not a Jehovah's Witness. He was raised as a Jehovah's Witness but was never baptized. The elders have tried to contact him but he has avoided them. Last I saw him, me and my mother were eating at a tumbleweed and he wandered over and talked to us. He just so happened to be working there as a waiter. He was friendly and we spoke with him. I hadn't seen him at meetings in over a year so I was glad to see him again. His mother still speaks with him and he talks to his siblings as well, some of whom are witnesses and some arn't.
In both of these situations though the person wasn't baptized so less stress was created. This is because a baptism is your way of dedicating your life to god. Hence why Jehovah's Witnesses have people go through a process instead of being baptized in the first 5 minutes of their first meeting, or sprinkled with holy water as babies. If you make this dedication and then leave the religion you are turning your back on that commitment, thus why it's considered more serious. If your boyfriend isn't baptised you shouldn't encounter much difficulty...at least hopefully you won't.
16 IS a little young to be so commited but don't let anyone tell you you're too young to understand love. Some people mature more quickly than others and age has nothing to do with understanding love. What it does usually have to do with is being mature enough to handle a serious relationship and make it work. I've personally avoided dating and hunting for a marriage mate because I don't think I can handle such a serious relationship just yet and I'm 19. I may be married by the time I'm 25 but I have no intentions of rushing things because of out of control human hormones. -
Nosferatu
I'll tell you what's basically happening here....
What scares me most is when he told me "you are the person i want to spend the rest of my life with."
This is teenage hormones talking. JWs are not allowed to have sex until they're married. They are also not allowed to masturbate. All this sexual tension is building up in your boyfriend. He's having an inner battle between his hormones and his religion. I went through the same battle. The hormones won ;)
However, your boyfriend is going to have not just his religion trying to fight off the hormones, he'll also have his parents, the entire congregation, and his god who's never personally spoken to him trying to battle his hormones.
There's not much I can suggest since I went through this myself. If he suddenly tells you he cannot see you anymore, you'll know people are starting to get on his case. If this does happen, tell him that you'll be open for him to contact you anytime. Do not contact him because it will cause his situation to get worse. Just show him that kindness DOES exist outside his religion (contrary to what the religion teaches him).
He'll have to figure out which way he's going to go eventually. Let him make that decision all on his own.
-
stealyourface
seriously.
I, for one, being out of this "religion" for awhile now, would have to tell you that when he says that it doesn't matter to him if you are a dub or not would mean that of course he doesn't...now. I promise you/will wager my left boob that once you two get married (and things will be peachy keen till then) he/his family/all of the above will have you sucked into that wretched "truth" faster than you can say "im 16." I know you think you are in love, but i have been 16 before, too. i was in love for a year or two then moved on with the ease that one uses to change their underwear. but all of us can't stop you from being with this guy, who i am sure is a nice one, but really. that "faith" will mess you up in the head, steal things from you (birthday parties, valentines day, makeup, concerts, everything else that is cool) and will lead to nothing but mounting shrink charges. please. forget him. do things that a normal 16 year old does, and eventually you will find a nice person who is not involved in a cult.
-
smiley1
Hi, my name is Jessica. I live in texas and am kinda in the same boat. I thought when the guy I've been talking to said he was a witness, he meant he was in the witness protection program. How dumb right? Well as it turns out he was baptized about 6 or 7 months ago. He's only been studying this so-called "religion" for about 9 months. Before he was in the military and did normal things. I have really strong feelings for him as does he for me. I am a 26 yr old single mom of a 5 yr old girl. My converting is not an option. I have very different views of certain things, blood transfusions being the most important one. I don't know about anyone else, but my daughter comes before myself, religion, country and all those things. I am constantly telling him that if i did "join" him i would be selling myself short. I pray to God and I know he hears me. I don't follow the rules of my church (catholic). I make my own rules and I break them as I please. I am an individual who has a mind of her own. We also work together so it's very hard to see him everyday. He tells me everyday how beautiful I look and how much he loves me. I hate this situation. The other day we went to a movie and had a regular date. We made out like a normal couple but in the end his church had the last say. when he told his mom he had met a girl, her first question was what religion is she. how ignorant is that. she then made him consult to the elders about his actions. How can you be friends with someone that you know has the same feelings as you but cannot or is not allowed to act on that feeling.