Forgiveness, How Far Do You Take It? (page 3)

FMZ

After cutting through all the crap, I actually agree with Defd. Forgiveness, although not always easy, does make for a better place, and actually helps ya de-stress a little. :)

FMZ

While I am able to forgive most things,(although like others have said, I WON'T forget) there are some things that I just don't have the power within me to forgive. I'll leave my fate in the hands of my creator, knowing that he will understand why I feel the way I do, and accept that I'm just human, and fallible like everyone else.

cindykp

rather you forgive when the person is truly repentant

Unfortunately, for most of us, its the comittee of elders who does the deciding of whether we are repentant or not. Now besides the actual facts that they have, do they know what is truely in our hearts? If you walk in crying, on your own and confess something, doesnt that show you are repentant right there?

trevor

I have difficulty with the word ?forgiveness.? It is too connected with the idea of sin and redemption, atonement and so on. I prefer to think of acceptance. This does not mean we have to condone the actions of the person we just understand why they act as they do move beyond them. This means accepting that people will at times act in a selfish way that we find offensive, or are acting in such a way. Once we accept a situation all the emotions of hate, anger and revenge evaporate.

If they are no longer a part of my life then I acceptant what they have done and move on. If they are still in my life I accept that we see the world in different ways. I may even feel that they are losers because my way is better. My reaction to them is more important than how they treat me. We can never move on and enjoy the present if we have not accepted a situation. It doesn?t have to be reconciled or a decision on ?forgiveness? made.

In my life I have no doubt hurt people. I don?t expect forgiveness but hope that they are more mature now and understand that we are all at different stages of development and this is the cause of many such problems. I am not the same person and neither are they.

We have to reach a point in our lives where we grow beyond being affected by other peoples lack of development. Where we develop beyond being affected by the silly games that people play. Our happiness is our own responsibility and it comes from inside ourselves. We cannot control other people, only ourselves. I know when we are hurt that is not always possible immediately but it is an ideal to strive for.

I expect some who read this will think I don?t know the pain of being shunned and abused by the JW?s. My whole family -parents brothers, sisters and uncle with eight married children all shun me. I have felt great pain but have accepted that they must live their live as they feel they need to and I must do the same. I neither forgive them or blame them. In the words of that great Elvis album -?That?s The Way It Is!

mustang

With reference to my previous post, I have learned the following:

Forgiveness is a two?way street;
So, try it and take your best shot @ it.
You extend it and it is actually a privilege to the recipient.
If it ultimately proves to be abused, then it is or wasn?t appropriate: RESCIND THE PRIVILEGE.

Mustang

TresHappy

I for one, hated forgiving at one time. Then I realized that forgiveness was freeing me from the situation and I was truly able to get on with my life.

upside/down

Some people don't get it-- Some things will never be forgiven.

But most things can be... There are some things that even "God" won't forgive. Proverbs 6:32-35 bears out that even "God" understands some situations do not require a man to forgive and actually entitles him to retribution if he so chooses.

u/d (of the Golden Rule class)

Navigator

Real forgivness is much more than overlooking an imagined wrong that someone has done to you. It is coming to the realization that the real you, the immortal you, is untouched by that event or circumstance. It can only come when you stop thinking of yourself as a human being who happens to have a spirit, and start realizing that you are a spirit that happens to be temporarily occupying a body. It also means realizing that not everything that seems to be a wrong at the time really is. I was once fired unjustly from a job that I really did enjoy. It turned out to be a wonderful blessing. Should I forgive the bastard that fired me. Of course. He was actually blessing me. I just didn't realize it at the time.

RebelliousSpirit

Then I realized that forgiveness was freeing me from the situation and I was truly able to get on with my life.

I totally agree, Tres.

A little TMI about me ...

At the age of 17 I was raped at knifepoint by someone I thought was my "friend" - while my then 12 year old brother listened in horror through the door banging and banging to get in so he could help me. Soon thereafter, I entered into what turned out to be a tremendously abusive relationship with a man 6 years my senior. When I finally found the courage to leave him after 4 years of hell ... I was a very spiteful, angry, bitter young woman.

The spite, anger, bitterness, resentment carried over into every single facet of my life for a very long time. I continued on that way until the day I chose to forgive both of these individuals who wronged me. You see, it takes a whole lot of (wasted) energy to be angry and bitter 24/7. It also holds you back, keeps you living in your past day in and day out. Once I made the decision to forgive (though I will never forget, you never forget) ... a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. And just like that, the nightmares stopped. I stopped living in my past and was able to move forward - start a new chapter in my life ... "acknowledge and move on" as it were.

And of all the benefits of forgiveness I experienced, the most important was this one ... I was no longer a victim, I became a survivor. Through forgiveness, I was able to take away the power their actions continued to have over me and reclaim my life as my own.

I'm not saying it was easy ... but I do believe it is necessary for the healing process. Some might wonder how you forgive your rapist or your abuser. My answer - you just do. Forgiveness does not excuse or minimize the actions of the one who wronged you ... rather it validates those wrongs, places control over the situation in your hands, and acknowledges your capacity to rise above the situation and move forward.

JMHO, of course.

BrendaCloutier

Forgiveness is not for the one being forgiven. It is for the one doing the forgiving. No matter what the act was. Even murder. Now, I'm not saying it is easy. No way in heck is it easy. But it is necessary to move on with life.

Holding resentments, maintaining grudges, anger, et.al. These are emotions that can cloud the "victim's" entire life, and are necessary to get beyond for healing.

I was taught to pray for those who hurt me. A simple prayer "god, bless so-and-so". Nothing more, nothing less. Well, when I first did this, I couldn't do it for myself. So I prayed "god, S***** told me to pray for these people, here's the list".

I swear after two weeks of praying nightly I was truly asking god to bless these people. Today, they have no hold on me. And I still use this prayer regularly.

Now, if I were to meet one of the people who have hurt me deeply (domestic violence or rape) I'm not sure how I'd react. I doubt I would talk to them. If they spoke to me I might respond in kind. I might even have a panic attack. But I do not see any of these people and because so, they have no power.

Now. My ex- third husband. He was emotionally and verbally abusive. Living with him after we got married was like living with a roommate with little emotional connection. 1-1/2 years after our (rather nasty from his side) divorce, I went to a powwow. It was dusk and I found the best place to park to sleep in my truck. The next morning there was someone outside of my truck looking at it. I put my glasses on, and it was my Ex! Oh gawd. Then he went to his camp.... I was parked right next to him!

Well, I had to get out of bed sometime... I had to pee. So I got up. Apologised for parking next to him, went to pee, and then to move my truck. I had a flat tire! Harumph.

Well, he poured me a cup of coffee and we sat and talked it out. He helped me change my tire. I went into town and got my flat fixed, and found another place to camp.

We've seen each other on rare occasion since, but there are nolonger serious hard feelings.

This is only a portion of my experience with prayer and forgiveness. I'm sure there will be some naysayers, but that's ok. It's my experience.

Hugs and peace

Brenda

Forgiveness, How Far Do You Take It?

FMZ

RescueMe