Please answer this for me

by jayhawk1 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • jayhawk1
    jayhawk1

    I have a question, that I would love answered. Especially if you are a woman. Men can answer too, but a woman's opinion really matters to me. Because if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

    What is your opinion about a woman renting a room from a man? I own my house, and a friend wants to rent a room from me. She is 7 years younger, and I consider like my cousin. I am not romantically interested in me, and the same is true for her. By the way she does have a boyfriend. Is this wrong? Many people have told me it is, and many have said it is not. I am bringing it up, because I am a curious person by nature.

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  • larc
    larc

    I don't say it is wrong, but it is risky. If both of you have a falling out with the ones you are going with, well, stuff could happen. Of course, may be that ain't all bad.

    How old are you? You said she is seven years younger than you, way cool. Unless, of course, you are 19 and she is 13, then this probably is not a good idea.

  • jayhawk1
    jayhawk1

    I am 25. I am not dating at this time, but always looking. No, stuff won't happen, because she is too much like a cousin/sister to me. I just can't see it happening. I also get $200 a month rent. I could never rent my extra bedroom to a girlfriend anyway.

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  • COMF
    COMF
    I am not romantically interested in me

    Although I advocate wholesome love of self, I must say that I think it's a good thing that you're not romantically interested in yourself.

    Harry to Sally in "When Harry Met Sally": Men can't be friends with women because of the sex thing. A man always wants to nail a good looking woman."

    Sally: "So if I was ugly we could be friends?"

    Harry: "No. We pretty much want to nail them, too."

    COMF

  • jayhawk1
    jayhawk1

    Oops, that should read She is not romantically interested in me and the same is true for me.

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  • Princess
    Princess

    What is the problem? If you are not interested in each other then why not just rent her the room? Would there be a problem if you were to become involved? Sounds like a no brainer to me.

    Princess

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    This is purely from a woman's perspective...and I'm trying to remember what I was like when I was 18...

    When I was 18, I always looked up to older men. I had a thing with older men - something about the age and authority figure. Yes, you're only 25, but to an 18 year old GIRL that is a MATURE MAN. Not only did I like older men, but I had a tendency to fall for them. Especially if they were good 'friends' and they seemed to take care of me.

    I'm not saying things would go BAD, but I would say if you rent the room to her, be very very cautious. Neither one of you would plan on something 'more than friends' coming up, but 18 year-old girls don't usually intend to fall for their guy friends either. She's at a very vulnerable age. She's probably excited about adulthood, all the benefits/responsibilities it brings, and just learning to understand the sexual control she could have over a man. (I was a total flirt when I was 18, but I didn't quite know how to control it after the flirting took a further step.) I have a feeling she'll fall for you, even if there's no attraction to begin with. Women have a tendency to fall in love physically after other attractions are established. To her you may look mature, responsible, and available (in many senses of the word) - and become very attractive to her.

    Personally, I don't think it's a good idea that she move in with you. But I don't know you or her either. Every situation is different. But I guess this is just my two cents. I hope it's helped!

    Billygoat

    PS: What congregation in Wichita were you in? I was from Lynwood on the south side of town.

  • jayhawk1
    jayhawk1

    hi Billygoat,
    I live in Augusta and went to the Augusta Congregation. I knew people in Lynwood though. I dated a girl in the Santa Fe Congregation, I think they share the same building.

    Everybody, keep the letters comming. I want as many opinions as I can get.

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Billygoat made some really good points that I'd suggest seriously thinking about.

    I would suggest that you sit down with her and establish some ground rules, which is essential for anyone moving in with someone else, regardless of the sex.

    One of the ground rules you should make clear is this very topic. Let her know that you only view her as a friend, and not to take your letting her stay with you as an indication of any romantic interest in her. It may be embarrasing to talk about, but you might regret it if you don't.

    But she does end up renting the room, all the best of luck, and hope everything works out for you!

  • mustang
    mustang

    Jayhawk,

    Everybody has answered this on a personal level and treated it as such. That's cool.

    But... I will go somewhere else with this one.

    To pick-a-nit, technically, does the WTS permit roommates?

    I have been meaning to add this to LDH's list of things that you can't do or that 'are added to one' when you become a Dub. (That seems to have taken the wind out of GodRules sails.)

    It seems to have been established that Dubs can be brought to task (at a JC committee hearing) for immorality BASED ON spending the
    night with one of the opposite sex.

    It is not unheard of for two members of a JC to STAKE OUT a dwelling, observe the comings and goings, and WAIT FOR THE LIGHTS TO GO OUT.
    They then conclude immorality. It doesn't matter if you slept on the couch, the living room floor or in a closet. People have been condemned over this one. The protestations of innocence are likely spilled on the floor as an unrepentant attitude. Case closed, you're toast!!

    The practice of roommates (of the opposite sex) is well established now. I do recall that perhaps this wasn't generally established in the U.S. til perhaps the 60's???, though. But at the normal rate of progress, Dubs won't have this feature until 2060.

    Innocence (presumption thereof) and circumstances, money features and convenience are not always allowed in the equation.

    It makes me wonder about my sister-in-law. If she were a Dub, would she be in trouble? She is recently separated and the divorce is on the way. She kept the house and her sister bought into the house with her. It is a condition that she rents the 4 downstairs rooms out to local college students. They have turned this into a boarding-house business!!! That and the accounting that she takes in are her sole support.

    Adding: I believe that this is considered a 'wordly' practice.
    Just another thought
    Mustang

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